An Addict alone is in bad company

[Done610]

Every time I log on to MH and read I feel better. I realize I am not alone I can always relate to what is being said and I read exactly what I need to hear ! but there is something missing. I need to reach out more. I have 126 days clean but feel like I am white knuckling it. I have been getting cravings and dealing with them but its scary. I need to build my support system and I am fighting it. I know if I don't do something different it will just be a matter of time. Im not sure what to do with myself. I was having trouble posting stuff for several reasons but am doing better. I went through a stage at about 60 days where I could not sit still. My anxiety was off the scale, my thoughts were racing and I could not put a sentence together .I was not sleeping.  I went to an addiction Psychiatrist who has diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and put me back on my medication, (as I stopped taking everything) Anyways, I have a long history of addiction. There has always been something wrong but not sure if I was Bipolar or ADHD or what ? so I did what they call a "washout" off all drugs to see what we are dealing with.  What a mess Ive been.  Ha ha  I have to laugh. I think Im just a regular recovering addict with a lot of anxiety and wreckage!!! I need to take it easy, reach out, build my support system, Start GOING TO MEETINGS ! get a sponsor Ect, ect. I did not get this sick over night ! Its going to take time to get better. But I need to do something different, so Im starting now. I don't want to use, I want serenity. God Bless everyone !

[Done610]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. I immediately felt better after connecting with you guys. No one can understand an addict like another addict. I really do need to take action and stop talking about it. I don't know why I am being so resistive. Sure I'm busy and don't have a lot of time. I have a ton of excuses ! I work graveyard shift and am tired all the time. That's a good one huh ? The bottom line is I have to stop and put my recovery first. It does take effort. Quiting Norcos was the easy part, it's staying quit that's hard.  I'm going to commit that I will find a meeting and go to it this week. Yikes that was hard to say. Walk the walk, walk the walk. Thanks everyone !

[ROSYouralright]

♫ .☀.•* ★¨`*•♫.•´*.¸.•´♥ ♫
Hang in there!! You will be feeling better before you know it!! NO TURNING BACK! One choice at a time!
♫ .♥.•* ☀¨`*•♫.•´*.¸☀.•´♥
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  CONGRATS on 126 days! That is amazing!! I'm so glad you are reaching out! We ALL need support regardless of how far along we are in the journey!

[Heather8448]

I am 110days and I am in the SAME situation you are with reaching out support and meetings so you are not alone

[ariley13]

I am so glad to see you posting. Congrats on your huge 126 days! Please know that you are never alone my friend. We are always here for you, and you know I'm here most nights. You have been my late night MH buddy and you will never know how much that means to me. It can feel like you are the only person left on this earth some nights. I know that the cravings are hard, and they just get harder the more stresses you have going on. Be aware of your triggers and try to avoid them at all costs. I know that's not always possible, but we have to do what we can. I am here anytime you want to talk. Take care of yourself and keep that head held high!

[OpenMind24hours]

Excellent subject you posted on and you spelled it out perfectly: "the recovering addict is our addiction's worst enemy"-NA Basic Text

I'm the worst company I can keep. Just like you I log in here which really starts my day off. I also go to meetings and get with other addicts in the NA program. 4 of us guys in the program got together at a friends house Saturday night just to sit around and talk with the Tigers game in the background and a BBQ fire going with venison cooking. I have a sponsor and now I have someone I sponsor who calls me just about every day. We keep what we have by giving it away. When you think of the time we spent being high, the meetings and MH are barely a fraction of time in comparison.

Congratulations on your clean time! Keep on the path you just described above and you will do great.

[Clarityrocks]

I just wanted to say Congrats on your clean time (that is awesome!) and offer some support. I agree with Clean, you sound like you know what you need to do to protect yourself, but I know even when I knew what to do, I didn't always do it either in a timely fashion. It really is key to build that support system, get to those meetings, you won't regret it. All those people know how we feel, and then all of the sudden, we aren't so alone anymore.
Allison

[VICourageous]

Hello there Girl..Have not heard from you in awhile..Everything you are saying is normal to me..Even with my 3 meds I c/t my Anxiety went on for months and months..It came down from the moon back to earth finally..Then in my half of year it was the weak and no motivation..By then sleep was all I could do but it still gets whacked once in a while. A few weeks after a Year I was hit with the WORSE Craving yet..I just moved on and out of it. As time goes on we need to look more at the positive and not the negative. Like you said we used for many, many years so if it gets better in a Year then that is OK. I know for sure that I was told by MANY Professionals that it would take a Year or Two for the Brain to balance back..We have to wait for a new TUNE-UP and the only way we will know is if we leave all the BS poisons out of us..It does get better..I would like to go up there and tell Corey SO much more about this then I think they even know there..lol I will put that on my Bucket List and pick you up so we both can go and share this all to him..I have learned a lot from all these Beautiful Souls out here in this Great big World..Keep reaching out for Support..You are doing good!!
Bless

[clean_in_ks]

Congrats on your 126 Days!!!!!!!!  Sounds like you are being really honest with yourself and realize you need to reach out and build a support system.

You remind me of myself many years back when a counselor told me that I "knew" all the right stuff in my head.....but, he said, your problem is ACTION.....you need to ACT on that stuff in your head...LOL

You said:  "I need to take it easy, reach out, build my support system, Start GOING TO MEETINGS ! get a sponsor Ect, ect. I did not get this sick over night ! Its going to take time to get better. But I need to do something different, so Im starting now. I don't want to use, I want serenity."

Sounds like a great plan of action.....serenity awaits you....thanks for sharing with us.  Go get em baby!!!