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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Another one bites the dust!

I am an x drug addict, I did everything under the sun exept use needles. That was next because I was sniffing herion. I got arrested and ended up in a 5 month treatment center, then 3 more months in a 1/2 way house. I worked HARD at getting sober! I was coming up on 4 yrs sober. I also have Interstitial cystitus (I'm sure I mis spelled that)anyway, it gets very very painful and feels like a UTI. I was givin ultram for the pain and 3 of my doctors said it is fine with me being is recovery and all. Well guess what, I am hopelessly addicted to this! I'm pissed as you can imagine! I can't get off of it and the withdrawel is awful! What can you do about the emotional part? The anger, the feeling like giving up, the feeling that it is not fair!!!!! The feeling of defeat, the feeling that I can not do this again and shouldn't have too, the feeling that I can not trust any doctors.The depression, the resentment, the terror I feel waking up in the middle of the night with my pillow drenched and panic in my heart? When you can't get in to see a theripist because it takes 3 months to get an appointment. What do I do?  Kim
49 Responses
Avatar universal
As you can read from my other entries (I'm brand new at this site) I am with you. When you wake up know that you are not alone even though you feel hopelessly alone...I know how you feel. If you freakin beat a 4 year dope sniiffer you WILL beat this. You will. I am trying to get through the former and feel HOPELESS. But, I have done it before and have to do it again. We have to get through the discomfort to finally wake up one morning after having slept soundly all night anxiety free. It will happen. It has to. Do not give up and I wont either. Lets try this together.
Avatar universal
Sounds good! I just want to be free of this and thank you for offering to do this with me. Maybe we can check in with eachother!
Avatar universal
i hate it everytime i see that some unsuspecting person was duped into believing that ultram is NOT addictive. what a load of ****!!! and damn the gulible doctors who believe all the b.s. pharmacy reps tell them, and the oodles of samples they leave.

i too have interstitial cysitis. it is a painful condition but in my case i was fortunate that i did not have to take narcotics for it. they did fill my bladder up with this god-awful smelling stuff once a month that came out of my pores for DAYS afterwards! i would get home and the kids would open up the windows and leave the house until it aired out! it was that bad!!

ultram w/d is pretty typical of any narcotic w/d's that you have already probably had. i was on ultram for only two weeks and spent three days in some very unpleasant w/d's, esp. for a drug that isn't "addictive". you will get through it!! you were clean for four years and that in itself should show you that you have what it takes. i know that it sucks, but there really is nothing else that can be done. taper down off the ultram, use the thomas recipe (someone post it please~) and everyone here will be with you in spirit.

on a more personal note: i have been in a custody battle with my ex over my ten yr. old son. the father had cirrohsis of the liver, end stage and last week had a TIA (a small stroke) to make a long story short, he died on monday, memorial day and i was left with the task of telling my young son that his father was dead. at first i thought, no, I KNEW, i would need narcotic help just to get through this... how else could i do it? yea, right! well, i have made it through the last few days without putting anything into my body (other than too much coffee and smokes!) i am pretty amazed right now! and grateful that i found this board and found out about rational recovery... i feel sad and empty inside but i feel strong and i have seen a glimpse of the person that i am becoming. for the ultram girl, i had 8 years clean in NA, started three NA groups in the atlanta area. i relapsed about 6 years ago and have a few days over five months right now. oh well, life goes on, you can pick up right where you left off my friend... and you will! :-)

peace,

amber
Avatar universal
hi kim, welcome to this fourm, my name is michael
and i have been here for 16 months,  i have  been clean
now for 13 months , thanks to the support and knowledge
i gotten here at this fourm, i was clean in na for many years
untill i had to take pain med for medical reasons, i was clueless about how addictive they were and how difficult the withdrawls  are, and that includes ultram, i was taken
vikes and precs and ultram. with the support of the good folks here at this fourm, i learned about the severe depression that comes with the with drawls from the pain meds and also the
almost complete lack of energy .
i was introduced to what is known as thomas's receipe, a list  of vitamines and minerals, alonf with something to sleep and imodium., in any event i felt the same way you do ,when i found this fourm. Read all the post here you can and post any questions, im sure you will find the answers tou need  in order
to get your life back. feeling hopeless is normal.
you are in the a good place.i tried to quit the pain meds on my own , but kept failing , , looking back it was because of the depression , hopelessness, and lack of energy, which the receipe helped  more then i can express in words.


Amber, im sorry to here of you and your sons loss,
my prayers are with you and your son.
hippy
Avatar universal
Find a Suboxone certified Doctor and get on it asap.  I felt the way you described and it cured me totally.  Good luck and well wishes.
Avatar universal
What is the Thomas recepie? It sounds good. Also, I know what the doc is saying, but it sure is hard not to be upset! I am working on it because I know it does no good, but this is not something I can just say "oh well" too. I almost died with my addiction! So to accidently throw back into addiction is not just an oops. Mostly, I know I will get through this but what about the next person? What if it throws someone back into addiction that they can not get out of? What if they OD? I have to get this out and maybe I am just venting so I'm sorry to everyone for this. I am still mad as hell! I don't want to be but I just am. As far as being told about holding resentments, it's not about that so much as " how can I SERIOUSLY trust a doctor again to give me some meds that who knows what the hell they do? Especially when you have kids? Maybe I'm mad at the drug company too. That the doctors had no idea and they gave it to me in good faith. I don't think they would intentionaly hurt me. How do I get past this anyway? Just vent? I don't know how to get rid of this. I am going to bed, maybe I'll feel better in the morning. Sorry again everyone, it is just hard you know?
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