Avatar universal

Anyone else in this bad boat?

So, I had a really bad accident over 10 years ago and have gone on and off but pretty much badly addicted for at least 6-7 of those years.  I now can take up to 100, 10/325 norcos in a day, plus drink a bottle of booze and top it with cocaine, and no one knows Im on anything.  In fact, Ive told people I went to rehab and am clean (didn't obviously) and they tell me how much better I seem, more alert and friendly.  All ive done is figure out what they saw before that clued them in a learned to not do those things.  How am I still alive?  This has been at this level for 2 years at least.  Oh, and this is how much more stupid I am, there was a time when I was cut off from my multiple doctors and online and street sources that I could only get my hands on 7.5/750 and still had to take at least 10 at once and shut my liver down, almost fatally.  I bounced back, stayed clean for a few months, then right back to where I am now.  Im oretty mad at myself because the last time I got clean I came back in such good shape mentally and physically, but the moment I stepped off the plane I was picked up by a friend who I knew took them and asked for just 1 or 2 because Id been off for 4 months.  I maintained this level for 2 months maybe before having that one slippery night where i went from 2 to 6 to 15 at once.  Now I swallow (after chewing of course, much faster to work just have to teach yourself how not to throw up) up to 20 at a time.  I want off so bad but there is no way I can do this alone and rehab is so ridiculously expensive, and I have a business to run and employees who depend on me.  I wish I could afford the anesthesia rehab and then go to therapy and meetings multiple times a day, but that is $20K for the procedure, let alone the cost of therapy.  I know I cant live and my liver is a ticking time bomb, but I dont know how to do this without destroying everything ive worked for, which is what will happen when this kills me.  Suggestions? Research programs for incredible, ridiculous tolerance levels for all three drugs?
8 Responses
Avatar universal
Welcome to this forum. Yes, we've all beebn in this"bad dead end boat" and we know the fear and pain your living with. Your on an extremely high dose and it seems inpatient rehab would be your ticket. Since that doesn't seem an option what about out patient detox? Is there one person you can trust with your secret so they can take you for your daily outpatient appt.?A Dr. can give you some meds to ease the process. Since you've been on this boat before you already know about w/d and also all the destruction these pills are doing to your brain and body. Let this year be the year you take your life back. I was like you and it took a few tries for me to get it right, but life without chasing a pill bottle, lying to all my friends and families, missing many kid functions, losing interest in all things I love etc is simply amazing. We're here for you. Stick around, more will be along to chime in . May be a bit slow cause of the weekend, but hold tight.  
4341997 tn?1514588688
Just wanted to give my support.....i know it will be hard....but maybe you can take off for a week?  to help with the WDs?   you have tons of support here....might be a little slow cuz of weekend before Christmas...more people will post soon....but please know we are here for you and will help you any way we can....just keep posting and asking questions!!  
4149717 tn?1389503561
Hi there and welcome! Holy hell you are taking an extreme amount of pills!!! 100 norcos a day?? Is that right and ?? plus drinking and doing coke? The only suggestion I can give someone like you taking extreme amounts is you need IP rehab, and now! There is no way you can stop all of thise on your own or without intensive treatment, Normally I tell people that coming off opiates and even coke on your own is defintely doable and many have, but not in this case! I would NOT recommend you doing this any other way but IP rehab!

Have you looked into rehab? Talked to your Dr? Is there ANYONE you can talk to about your addiction and get to help you??

Avatar universal
Hey surf, How ya doing?
3200158 tn?1386592717
reading your post is like looking into a mirror, brother....if i gave advise, i would just say,,,slow it down,,,whatever you eventually decide to do,,in the meantime , one day at a time...put a few of those together, and you will be able to see what you need to do, and what your path might be....good luck............kenny
Avatar universal
Ive thought of uing the next days to at least ween off of coke.  Those are not painful physical withdrawals, just tiredness, lethargy, etc.  But pills hurt, BAD.  We all know that.  Have tried subs but they have a longer and harder withdrawal period personally.  At least its 4 days max of complete and utter misery off pills, but then you feel great so its just staying that way.  Its the booze that scares me.  WD from that can kill you.  Dead.  Seizure, heart attack from high blood pressure, who knows.  Yes I know coke does the same, but it just seems so weird to me that I can do that many pills in 24 hours, snort 1-2 grams of coke, and drink from the moment I wake up til I sleep and No one, seriously no one, knows Im drunk unless I want them to like at a party or something.  Been pulled over speedballed out of my head, and the cop told me he knew I was on something but because I passed ALL of his coordination tests, he had to let me go because that s one of few circumstances where you can refuse blood or breath.  
Anyway, does anyone know of a study on these things as that would be my best option.  Get clean and paid for doing itl.  Plus maybe I can show them how tolerant I truly am.  No one ever believes me, and not that I;m proud at all, just looking at only a small part of me in the mirror and I hate that.  I need hold, soon an bad, or Im going to joine the many other music greatsin hell.
Avatar universal
What a great idea for someone to do a paid study on addiction for the general population. Bet their would be a waiting list for that. Problem is many of us would use the money to buy more drug ugh. Time for you to dig deep and start knocking these substances off one at a time if needed. I am also worried that you'll not be long for this world at the rate your going. Are you on BP meds? With the variety and amount your on, you do need a Dr. to help. The coke as you said is not a big deal to come off of, but the alcohol is another story. Please make an appt.with a Dr. and an addiction councilor asap. Once your head starts to clear, really clear, you'll be better able to handle the w/d and get back to living. Rooting for you.
3200158 tn?1386592717
you remind me so much, dude, it aint about being proud, ive been there, our tolerance is phenomounle
.....you are a survivor, brother,,,, go with that.....
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