Anyone want to be a friend/voice of reason?

[gulliver123]

i.e. tell me NO. When I need to hear no. And I'll do the same for you.

anybody new want to buddy?

Get off these? I do.

[gulliver123]

thank you. My back of the head idea was to fill new scrip, take it with (bf isn't going btw) and really hope I don't need it. I am tapering. I'm just not sure how long I need to do it.

I have been taking them for a long time...and does anyone know? 7.5 percs (2x a night) plus a few vicodin...how big a habit am I in?

[chrisahx]

Your plan can realistically work IMO, but if you are going on a 10 day trip soon, and are just starting this taper, then I would follow your doc's recommendation and start this after your trip. Opiates can be very difficult and painful to detox off of especially if you've been taking them for a long period of time. The longer you've been taking them, especially if its a high daily dose, the harder its going to be to get off them.  Many people do it inpatient. If you haven't been a heavy user, then it will be easier. If you are dead set on doing this and still going on your trip then you should give some to your bf to hold in case of a real emergency.

[gulliver123]

I would love nothing more that 4-5 days clean. And I want that BEFORE I get on that boat. Which is not that small, btw, 62 cat, but with like 10 people, scientists, grad students, etc. (I also have some serious issues with being too cramped up and I know this will be for SURE.) I find the pills have a nice ability to make me VANISH.

It's sunday. I started Thursday. I've taken one today . I'm not going to take the other half tonight. I hope. Hope. Hope.

I was just popping these like candy. I want OFF, you know?

Thank you Purgatory and everyone. Reading all these, all of your stories, ours, has been beyond life-saving. Thank you. (do you know though, that the thought of five days clean is actually terrifying? Great...but terrifying.)

[purgatory]

no  beth dont do it, these pills are the worst thing we can ever do to ourselves you have got to come clean as do I!, I think you may ruin your trip if you dont go 5 days ct prior just to test the waters if you knock out 4-5 days clean then get on the boat with nothing you will have no choice but cope, I wish you the best it can be done but our minds sure act funny on and off, you will rationlize anything to get some but you must commit to your plan. god bless you please try to get clean before its to late or to hard in my condition

[gulliver123]

Weird. As I was writing that last, got a message from a friend asking if I wanted a new supply of vic...

And I don't. But it's still hard to say no, you know?

I KNOW any emergency stash becomes a necessary one...right?

[gulliver123]

I know what you mean. My sneaking suspicion is that I'll be able to do it there, feel tremendous (swimming with dolphins in the wild, like 8 times a day? Sheesh), come home and go...OH. Here again. Same ******* stuff. Where's that bottle?

taper is going like this: three days ago, I cut out all vicodin. (I was throwing a few of those down on top of 2 percs every night. Also, am a night user. have a cocktail, have a pill..etc) So no vicodin now. And last night I took one perc in halves (and they are big ones, 7/5s) and then another half. Then an ativan and went to sleep. (also, was crazy nauseous and took a small hit--not my drug by any means--but it did settle my stomach.) And now bf has all bottles. Which I can't believe I can even stand without spiders crawling all over me...but.

As I write this I've taken one perc, split, over the past two hours. And while taper schedule (in my head) allows another half tonight, I think I'm going to try to avoid it.

This is my possibly silly, unrealistic plan....what think? (I have seen a shrink, he put me on Lexapro about 2 months ago and it made me SOOO sick. So that stopped. But when I talked to him last, he's on vacation, I'm leaving...he said, a) I don't want to give you another anti-depressant when you're off like that, and he also said: I don't even really want you to stop taking the percoset. (JESUS) I assume he meant don't do it c/t like that, you'll be a mess. So, I'm trying to do it myself..slow it all down.

what think?

Sense? Or crazy?

thanks, thanks, thanks...

beth

[IBKleen]

Well, my experience is that the geographical cure never works. However, I do love Dolphins so you got me there.

So, this taper plan? How is it going?

[gulliver123]

ok....what's the plan? The working plan was/is to get off these entirely by tapering this next week. Then next monday I supposedly get on a boat and head off into the middle of nowwhere to track wild dolphins to ten days. In some ways it seems like the perfect thing to shake me out of this trap...but honestly, I am also afraid of getting on that boat without a crutch...you know?

I know that's the junkie talking. It's fear. ugh. Hate myself for EVER starting these things, thinking they were silly. Wow. What an idiot...

plan ideas, SO welcome...

b

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome!

You are never alone. All of us here have, or are, where you are at. The first step is the hardest and that is to admit that you have a problem. You have done that and it's a good thing.

Now you need a plan to get off and stay off of your crutch. So, ask away....

[gulliver123]

jt808--I'm not sure I ever actually tried to quit--I was happily able to convince myself it wasn't a serious problem. A little recreational high. Kids bugging me, bf, etc. etc. Until I had a daily excuse. Until...hmm, suddenly I'm worried about the next scrip, wondering when I get to take one (is it 6 pm yet?) etc., etc. I would guess I started about 5 years ago and have ramped up over time. (the other day I found myself irritated that my dr had written a scrip for 60 instead of 90...and so I started counting/rationing....um...not good.)

I've lost interest in what I do (I'm a freaking WRITER with a book due, for dog's sake), and almost everything else. It's a mess. And it's just time. Time. Time. Time.

Today I've taken half a perc. About an hour ago. I'm not as tired as I was yesterday, nor as nauseous, but I hate that little itch in the brain that says: Oh, just take one! (and of course, by this time, I'm not even sure I GET a high from them anymore.)

argh. I really want to do this. Handing those bottle over to bf was a HUGE step for me.

thanks for asking, and for your concern, all of you. Means a lot. It gets lonely in here sometimes...

[scaredmom330]

I am not new here but will be your friend and help you anyway I can. Pm me anytime!

[jt808]

hey so whats up how long have u been taking pills for and how many xs have u tried to quitye?

[gulliver123]

thank you. I read everything here before I posted. Terrified to do it.

not sure how to pm.

[worried878]

not new...butu r welcome to pm me anytime...the forum is slow right now...tis late....can u take this time to read thru our health pages?   lots of great info....keep posting and be safe