Bad Day, Advice please!

[storminnrmn]

So it has been a while since I posted something about myself. I am approaching 5 months clean. I have mentally been really good for the last 3 months. No real cravings, pretty much out of mind. Last night I got some upsetting news and it has just weighed me down. Had trouble sleeping last night, but woke up early and went for a run to try and clear my mind. Felt worse after. I just have an awful feeling inside and for the first time in months I feel like I did when I was using. Doing a few pills is all I keep thinking about. I know they will numb me and I wont have to think about anything. Ugh, can someone with some time tell me if this is common and how do you deal after so long of doing so well?

[VICourageous]

Hi Great Job on your time....Yes all above is right !!! I always say it takes a min to think about them and one min to re-direct away..And boom its gone...I like what Cleanks said that is so true..I have to stay away from any one that uses even in my 6m because of those things she decribed...
You are doing good just do not that the tape play back in the brain that says, Oh but just one, or it makes be feel better, ect on & on...You Know..
Hang in you are there...
vickie

[clean_in_ks]

You'll probably feel like putting a sock in my mouth (lol) but.....here goes...
THIS TOO SHALL PASS....

It REALLY will.  Recovery and healing isn't a smooth rodeo ride on this bull.
The upsetting events obviously WILL trigger us to want to do what we always "used" to do when we were hit with something we didn't want to feel...  take a drug to make it go away.  But NOW....that simply can't even be an option....can't even "go" there.....it's out of the question for us.  Like the lake with the sign that is posted "fishing not allowed".....our brains have to learn to INSTANTLY see a sign that says "using not allowed".  It's a process......you're doing great!

I have a family member.....well, for YEARS and YEARS we have had an extremely challenging relationship.  I attempted being around her at 60 days clean and had an anxiety attack/trigger/wanna take pills event that felt AWFUL.....so I learned I wasn't ready yet.  I tried again at 90 days.....not so much anxiety....but STILL wasn't good for my sobriety.  I am determined to protect my clean time with my LIFE and so....for now....I just accept I am where I am and tell myself the same thing I'm sharing with you..."this too shall pass".
Welp....yesterday, and this is at 270 days clean.....I had ANOTHER phone conversation with her.......I was a mess (in my heart) when we finished....but I noticed I was BETTER.....it IS getting better.....I didn't want to use to make my hurt and feelings go away "as bad" THIS time.....I did crave numbing the hurt for a few minutes.....but instead changed my thinking, my attitude about it, and chose to let go of it "for now", once again.  It may be that after I examine myself, my heart, ask myself if I have done everything w/i my power to "love" as I am called to love, it just may be that I have to accept this relationship/situation for being what it is.  I can't change anybody but ME.....and if I have peace about my attitude, actions, behaviours, and have worn out my knees praying about it....then I must let go and just accept FOR TODAY.  Ya know what I'm saying?  

Upsetting events are, of course, a reality of this life.....so we simply must do what you have done....REACH OUT.....talk about what's going on with other people in recovery that REALLY DO KNOW what we're experiencing.
Their wisdom, listening ears, suggestions and experience will bless us where if we don't.... if we keep it inside,  and nurture and feed the craving......the beast wins; we lose.

Be SO proud of your clean time....and know we will always be here for you~

[bama88]

Youve been givin some solid grounded advise. using is not an option. it wont make the problem go away. it will only make you feel worse. thats a fact and truth.

We all have bad days. we all get bad news. we all are learning how to deal with a new life. and its a challange

[storminnrmn]

Thanks everyone for the responses. I don't want to throw away everything that I worked so hard for. I just got away from myself for a couple hours, but I knew posting on here would help me realize how stupid it would be to use.

[dominosarah]

Using is NOT an option.  You are able to feel again and that is a good thing.  I know painful situations are hard and we dont like to feel that emotion but that is part of life.  Do you have someone you can talk too about this?  You are doing so great so focus on the positive things.  You can do this!

[Jordan10013]

Try to keep busy and your mind occupied with other things. Eventually this will pass and the temptation to pop pills will pass.

Besides, remember that after taking those pills you are going to feel really guilty about having done that. You will feel miserable. You will beat yourself up.

Why go through all that for a few hours of sticking your head in the sand. Unless you are an ostrich you have no business acting like one.

[OpenMind24hours]

Cravings. We all get them, it's the nature of addiction. This is when you take it one moment at a time. It's your pleasure center calling out. If you have built a solid program of recovery it will now kick in. Just realize that all cravings will quickly pass. You won't ever be craving all of your remaining life. I bet as I write this they've left your mind, BC you took the time to write us about it. That's how recovery works. Are you hitting an aftercare recovery program on a regular basis? If you are, this is also when you call the A-list phone numbers you have in your book, and then go to a meeting.

I remember calling my AA sponsor when I was having a real bad day at work. Something went wrong and it was my fault, and nothing I said or did would dispute that fact. I was forced to deal with life on life's terms. Clean! All he said was "Robert, if you have a problem and you use, then you have two problems. I'll see you at tonight's meeting".

Stormin, those pills won't ever make anything better. What you did by writing what U wrote here WILL make everything better. Keep on keeping on!