Bad Day

[JACEM5]

Yesterday was one of the worst yet.4 full blown panic attacks in the course of an hour.This all happen between 2-3pm,first the hot flash,then my heart started racing like a freight train,home alone with my 2 yr old who was napping,all I could do was pace around the house with the phone in my hand,and even though I know it's a panic attack I can't convince myself it will be alright.The things going through my mind 100mph,heart attack,is it the ativan and am I going to have a seizure,did I take too many pain meds.etc.And I don't know whats causing them so I blame everything,I took an ativan and that was all for the rest of the day and night,I wouldn't take anymore pain meds,so it was a horrible night,got some sleep,only to wake up at 4am in pain,sneezing,anxious,finally talked myself into a couple of percocets,and I feel a little better,but now of course I'm paranoid about every little feeling,flicker of my heart,it's like I'm a prisoner and it has to stop.

[JACEM5]

Sorry I haven't been on since my last response.I have been in a real bad state,I'm trying everything to rid myself of these panic attacks,switching meds around,stopping coffee,for black tea,I tell you the other night I took the ativan at bedtime and 1hr1/2 later I was awakened in a full blown panic attack.What's up with that?Anyway I took 2 percocet and just stayed up all night and day,finally at 1am this morning I just went too sleep from exhaustion.I see my psychiatrist today,hopefully he will have some answers because this is really getting out of hand.I'm afraid to be alone inside or out,I feel like a prisoner.

[PromisedLand]

My wife is on a number of meds, oxy (she's tapering off) benzo's, antidepressants.
She has a number of health issues, none of which to the best of my knowledge is life threatening..Yes, she's in pain, yes she has problems with her only eye, but at 50 years old she's convinced she's dying and her life is over.  I love my wife to death, but hearing that a couple times a day and trying to encourage her at times becomes exhausting to the point I just don't know what to do.  Her doctor wants her to see a psychiatrist, but she won't.   At times I think she's just happy being miserable...it has come to control her whole life..I have to pick her up at work shortly and I know the whole thing is going to start on the ride home...


  sorry folks.

Jim

[retiredrn]

You said," and not a day goes by that I don't think about death"----that's exactly how those meds, the benzos and opiates, affected me, and it sounds like keepontrucking as well.  It would be so nice  to get off all the drugs but slowly and safely under medical supervision. I hope you're lucky enough to get into that place, it sounds great, and then at least you'll know how you feel straight.

[troubleinohio]

Jace I havent quite followed your story from teh start so I have a lot of blank spots.......but are you having panic attacks because you are are stopping the narcs, or some othr reason, or both? Did you previously have them before in your life? I used to suffer from totally debilitating panic attacks from the time I hit my late teens and it peaked around age 22 or so. Bad ones. Heart raced, couldnt breathe, couldnt even SwALLOW. my throat would tighten up and I couldnt even swallow the spit in my mouth, couldnt inhale or exhale (it felt like). Lots of other symptoms too. It was so bad. Id have these things go on all day long pretty much. I was put on xanax for them which helped immensely, but I also needed an antidepressant too because I was so horribly depressed from my life situation at the time plus the panic attakcs had me so debilitated and isolated I didnt even want to live anymroe. I didnt want to DIE either, but I didnt want to live like that either, KWIM? I felt so much better after i got on a good regimen of antidepressants, diet and exercise that I slowly could get off the xanax.

years later I ended up back on it the X again as my symptoms came back a little after I had my kids . I guess the stress of motherhoood trigggered it. anyhow, the attacks arent near as severe as back then, and i only get them very occasionally, thank god. (with the exception of dental visits!! i have to take a xanax so that I can even force myself to walk through the damn door there!)

But I know what you are going through and I wish you all the luck on getting back on the right track. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there, friend.  

[JACEM5]

I'm definetly going to detox like the DR.suggested,I found a real nice one about 45min away called CAB Health and Recovery in Danvers,M.A.,from the pictures it looks like a 5 star resort.I just have to plan this carefully,I need to make sure it is a week when my wife has meds.I do have a question,should I bring the Ativan with me or get a break from those also?They said to bring any meds I'm on with me that I don't want to detox from.I will say this these panic attacks are the scariest things Ive ever endured and I'll tell you this if I can control my pain when I get out with a non-narcotic,I will have no problem saying goodbye to the pain meds.I never knew until recently what everyone meant by getting your life back.Well I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!I'm only 39yrs old and not a day goes by that I don't think about death and that's no way to live.If anyone is new to this forum and is reading this,GET OFF THE MEDS,get off them now,long term pain meds just is not worth what you have to give up,No pain can compete with this misery.

[IBKleen]

I do remember you saying that the doc wanted you to go detox. I think it is a great idea. It will give you some time to give your body a chance to heal a bit, as well as your mind. You will be in a controlled environment, under a doctor's care. And, like you said, you can evaluate your pain level at that point. Just know one thing: Your tolerance level will not go down. For example, let's say you get home from detox and you take the meds for pain, you will find that the first, and maybe the second one will help as if you had never taken them. That may last a day and then you will be right back to where you were. It is funny like that. No matter how long you stay way, you will return to where you were when you stopped, in a very short time.

I am sorry to hear that your wife is still at it. Right now you need to concentrate on YOU. And yes, the paxil are expensive. It's a shame that the insurance doesn't cover them.

You do sound tired hun, and I do think you need the break. I hope you decide to follow the doctors orders.

I have you in my prayers, and will keep you there. Please take care of yourself. Post soon.

[road2recovery]

I really wish i had an answer for you..But i will tell you i think there is more going on here...I catch them really bad, but never was it certain times of the day, or that often..I am getting them much less as i get older...
Is there a panic attack forum on this medhelp link???
R2R

[JACEM5]

My insurance wouldn't cover the paxil,I got Zoloft and recently Buspar,the Ativan works eventually I just don't like the feeling of the pain meds/with them. -------beach,my wife......well she dosen't ask me for my meds.anymore,but I think she has another source,I'm in such a bad place right now with these panic attacks and not sleeping I just haven't had the strength to argue,stress is one of many things Ive noticed that trigger my panic attacks.The DRs suggestion for me to reset and give my body a break by doing a week in detox is sounding more appealing everyday.After that I can see where my pain is at and go from there.

[keepontruckin']

after reading your post it brought me back to 3 months ago when i just plain ran out of perc's and ativan. After many years of taking them for chronic pain and anxiety i realize today i became a full blown prescription junkie. Anyway, i cant tell you what to do about your anxiety and your concern about ativan, but i can certainly relate to how i felt 3 months ago., and how your feeling now. The panic attacks were killing me and i was terrified, so i did some reasearch and found out to my surprise that it said after taking ativan over a period of time, it will do the opposite of what it was for in the first place! I look back now and know it was wrong to just go c/t off these scripts, but my whole life has changed and i feel free for the first time in 54yrs. It was the toughest thing i ever did,,and i wouldnt recommend others to just stop, but for me because i worked so hard from min to min just to get through another day, i finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. This forum also helped me because i had no one to turn to and there are people on here i could relate to. Good Luck and your in my prayers...

[beachtowel]

Goodmorning I guess there is a few of us up........

My back was hurting pretty good and woke me up this morning.........

I went to check that post that was trashing me but it was already deleted I guess......I got a bunch of messages telling me Luna was really trashing me.......

[beachtowel]

Sorry to hear about your panic attack....I am so thankful that at any time I can slow my heart rate down to anything I want.......and I can kick back like a dead fly anytime i want.........

Until I came on this site I really never read to much about panic attacks.....that must be very scary..

Hows the wife doing?

[IBKleen]

Good Morning!

I see you are up bright and early..but not for the right reason. I heard you talking about panic attackes the other day, but I didn't realize they were this serious. I remember your story except for why you take the ativan. I assume the doc gave them to you panic attacks? Or anxiety?

Just a question...have you ever tried paxil? I don't get panic attacks, just trying to think of friends who do suffer with it and what has helped them.

Hope everything else is ok with you?