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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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15464710 tn?1442509011

Benzo withdrawal help??

I'm extremely scared. I signed myself into inpatient to get off from opiates and I was doing well. When they released me however, they wouldn't release me with the kolonopin script that I had brought in. When I signed myself in they never told me the rule of them keeping it. So I got out and my anxiety and panic was so bad without the kolonopin I didn't know why to do. Mind you I've been on benzos goin on six years now. I've never abused them. I ended up going back on opiates because it eased my anxiety. I've also found some benzos to hold me over but tomorrow I'm out. I've been on the phone for three weeks now and had three appointments with my therapist about getting my script refilled. Well because I signed in to inpatient they first had to get those records. They finally did that and I thought the next week I could get my script and get back on course. Nope! Now because I'm going to intensive outpatient they have to talk to them first. Which would be fine if my therapist didn't only work two days a week and keep putting it on hold. I've went to the er as I was told to do and told them everything. They treated me like I was looking for drugs and wouldn't help me. I've made so many phone calls trying to get help that I feel I'm now out of options. No one is willing to help me now that I've tried to get help for my addiction. I'm terrified I'm going to have a seizure and god knows what else. I cannot fully live without the kolonopin or a benzo. Without it I'm laying in the house. In bed or on the couch, afraid to even move as I think I will die. Nothing feels right. I feel like I'm in a dream land. I start to see things that are not there. I feel as I'm walking that the floor is moving with me. I cannot even shower as I don't feel steady. I don't know what to do anymore and I cannot find the help I need. I cannot keep living this way. If anyone has any advice please please let me know. Anything would be greatly appreciated.
31 Responses
Avatar universal
Ronda, I recognize your name. I don't understand: if you were in inpatient, the people there must have known you were on benzos right? You must have been on them while in rehab or your would have been detoxing. I'm confused.

You sound as if things are happening TO you, as if you are a victim of circumstance. That is very very typical addict thinking. So...can you get into proper rehab and detox off everything? If not, you may need to go to a dr and be 1000% honest and have then taper you off so you don't have seizures.  Either that or the ER. When we are active drug addicts, our options get smaller and smaller. You also need to immediately block your opiate connection. If you are serious about this, you have to take action.

Didn't rehab direct you to go right into recovery? That's THE biggest issue. You've been on here before so you probably know that the way to get off the insane ride and to stay off is to get your butt into meetings asap. Your saying that you can't function w/o benzos is just crazy addict talk. You need to get used to living sober and in recovery and you will see.
13354001 tn?1432155513
I went to rehab for Benzos because i couldn't quit from he last 1 mg of Xanax.. I had tried everything.. I kicked a 600mg ioxy habit but couldn't shake a measly 1 mg of Xanax.. ANYWAYS they took everything of mine too but the great thing is he day I got there they automatically crossed me over to Librium.  It took 7-10 days and I was thinking much more clearly.  It was a 21 day program and I was so proud of myself leaving there.  Please don't attempt to get off Benzos alone or cold.  Find some to get you through to get properly weened down.  Your life is at risk! God bless and speed
15464710 tn?1442509011
I'm honestly not looking to taper off from everything right now. I've been completely honest with every dr I've tried to talk to. I've always been prescribed the benzos never abused them. Without me finding any I'd be going cold turkey which I know your not supposed to do. I've called everywhere trying to get help and I went to the er and explained it to them.
Avatar universal
Hi Ronda.......well it looks like your out of  options  benzos are a tuff nut to crack  it was what got me to N/A...I was on the,m for years also but after time I stared to abuse them....I to had to C/T off of them one of my sons friends stold about 30 of them from me  I told the doctor what happened and they cut me off.....just know it is possible to live without them  it has been 56 months since I had any the withdrawal is ugly  I was miserable for around 8 weeks  if you can find a new doctor to taper you do so if not ....just know it is possible to kick without seizures I was taking 4mg a day and did it  I agree with jifmoc your  still thinking like a addict...and thats ok as long as your willing to treat it time to get to a meeting your going to need the support...............Gnarly...............
7163794 tn?1457366813
COMMUNITY LEADER
I was thinking...in a way...all of the drs and therapists ARE helping you with your addiction....in giving you the run around there were creating a time span from when you last took them, Of course, as addicts, we want to do things our way....Perhaps taking the suggestion of trying aftercare such as N/A would help?  I don't see how it can hurt?
15464710 tn?1442509011
I'm sorry I'm trying so hard to understand what everyone is saying. But the kolonopin has NOTHING to do with my addiction to opiates. I NEVER ABUSED the kolonopin. So in that way the Drs are not helping me one bit by not at the very least tapering me off from this med. I go to N/A I have for months. This isn't a oh why me or please tell me how to get off from these pills kind of post. This is me searching desperately for help with a med that I need and have never abused. I can't guarantee I will go into a seizure or anything else but it's something I would rather not risk.
1 Comments
Its a mood altering drug...as addicts, we need to STOP ALL mood altering drugs. Klonipin is still a drug. Your trying to validate what drugs your addicted to and what your not. At least that's what im saying....Did you think you werw going to go to a detox and they would give you your prescrption for another mood altering substance back?
Its like going to rehab for alcohol addiction and keeping all of the other addictions that arent alcohol, going?? Do you get what im trying to say? These drs are looking at your reaction to the klonipins being taken away and im sure, assuming they're a problem too.....imo
7163794 tn?1457366813
COMMUNITY LEADER
Did they release you early or on schedule when u were supposed to leave?
Avatar universal
Ronda, I know this is tough to hear. I agree w/ Motye 100%. And guess what? I was exactly, EXACTLY like you: addiction to opiates, and I took benzos occasionally...never abused them. If fact I rarely touched alcohol my whole life. It doesn't matter. You aren't seeing that you,  a 20 something year old girl who is on benzos so regularly that she will seize if she goes off them as a problem. That's a problem. If you cannot handle one day of your life w/o any mood altering substance than THAT is a problem. That's why folks in the medical profession are not acquiescing to your need for a refill. Do you see that? Yes, that's harsh but if you can exhale and try and look at this from another perspective, it may make sense to you.
Avatar universal
Hi Ronda........well as for the benzos  they rarely work after being on them for years so it is more of a plesbo effect then the medication actually doing something....just know you dont want to stay on them your only 28 you have your whole life ahead of you   you need to get in the mind set of not running to a pill to get  threw life YOU CAN DO THIS and it will be so so worth it....Gnarly
Avatar universal
Actually..it is extremely dangerous to detox from benzos, much more than opiates. It can actually kill you. She needs to go back into detox to finish detoxing from the benzos.
1 Comments
You are correct....but if you read the full story its been at least 4 weeks since shes had them.....why start now? Totally not judging at all....we all have to go through our own process, mine wasnt pretty either....but going back on the benzo's now i think would be counterproductive??? Yes, no??? IMO....
15464710 tn?1442509011
I had benzos this whole time. Just not from the dr. I'm trying to figure out how to get my actual script though. I'm scared of the withdrawal but more so of the seizures and everything else.
1 Comments
I must not be understanding this....you had benzo's while in treatment? So that when you left treatment, you all of a sudden DIDN'T have them?
15464710 tn?1442509011
OH an just to make everything clear even when I was in detox they were still giving me my kolonopin even though they ended up keepin the script so I was never being detoxed off from those.
1 Comments
I get it. You were NOT detoxed off klonopin at all. And now, since they didn't give you back your script, you're desperate to find more, right? Well, I stand by everything I said re you needing to get off these but what is it that you are looking for from this community right now?
15464710 tn?1442509011
They told me to bring all my meds into treatment with me. So I brought all my bottle with me. While in detox they were still giving me my kolonopin. When I was done with detox they said they wouldn't release my meds so I had no kolonopin.

I'm desperate for someone to take me serious and realize that it's life threatening to just stop taking benzos after being on them for six years. I was looking for compassion. I was looking for someone to understand. I was looking to be pointed in a direction that could help me get my script back from my dr even if it's just to wean off.

I've been on this site for about a year now. I've always thought it was amazing. So much help so much compassion. Not finding any of that this time. I'm trying so hard to stay nice and civil even while going through this, but some of these post are just infuriating me. I don't know if I'll be back or not.
Avatar universal
OMG! Ronda wait. This is insane. I understand. I've been on this site for years as well. Gnarly, others, you saved my life, whether responding directly to my posts or sharing your wisdom with others. You saved my life. This lady will fight the benzo monster whenever, if ever, she is ready. Are we All supposed to be at the same point in our journey to be accepted? That's not the addict way man. She was given her Klonopin as prescribed during treatment, then essentially had her meds stolen from her and turned out on the street (by a "treatment" facility!) to go cold turkey alone. This is incredible stuff. Ronda I am so sorry. This has to be aweful. I wish that I had advice but no solution comes to mind. In the long run, I say sue the idiots at the rehab and as far as the site goes, I'm leaving with if we don't see some sensible responses soon. I don't understand this.
3197167 tn?1348968606
Hi, Ronda....I'm so very sorry you have been misunderstood.
I went back and read all the details of your very first post.  If I am understanding the sequence of events correctly, the meds/klons that the inpatient facility kept when you were dismissed were originally prescribed by your therapist (the one that only works 2 days/week). Right?
And since they would not return them to you upon dismissal, you have been trying for 3 wks to get your therapist to write you a new script?
First your therapist said he/she could not write you one until he/she checked your records from the inpatient trmt facility?  Then he/she said no new script until they talk to someone at the intensive outpatient facility that you are currently attending?

When I was in intensive outpatient I was assigned a counselor/therapist in addition to the group meetings.  And I also was to attend outpatient trmt 3 days/week for 3 hrs each of those days.  Is that something like you have set up right now?  

If I were in your shoes, I would ask my outpatient therapist to call your original therapist...and if he/she isn't there due to only working 2 days/wk, talk to the therapist's boss  It's the only thing I can think of that would expedite these communication delays.  
Obviously, the ER didn't work out either.  I'm sorry you were treated so poorly there, too.
If you do not have any history of abusing the klons, then it's just a matter of getting your 2 therapists talking to one another to resolve this mess.
If all else fails, you may need to find a new primary care dr that is willing to prescribe the klons.
I sure hope you will be able to get yourself back off the opiates you went into treatment for in the first place and that you'll start feeling better again soon.  I'll be praying for you~  
Avatar universal
Hi Ronda.....first off om sorry your feelings got hurt  no one intended for that to happen....the members posting are only trying to help and often cut to the chase....tuff love can be hard to swallow....you have been given very sound advise you still so young to be depending on a pill to live....I sincerely hope you can at least get enough to taper off but that should be your goal to live drug free  please keep posting and let us know how things go ...we really do want to see you be successful
.....................................Gnarly.................................
Avatar universal
The desire to help runs deep here Ronda.  Knowing the the catastrophic damage that drugs had on each of our lives makes it easy for us to buy into the "no mind altering substances, at any time, ever" mentality. But we understand. We hear you. You were stamped, labeled and abandoned by the health care system with either litlle (or at least Very poor aftercare. Keep going girl and keep coming back!
Avatar universal
Finally please understand that the higher risk physically addictive drugs - opiates, benzos, alcohol are those that had the most impact on us all. It is hard for any of us to rationalize that the therapeutic value (temporary pain or anxiety relief) is worth the risk - no the guarantee of serious physical addiction. This doesn't mean we don't understand or care. It's really just the opposite. I hope that you get this thing resolved with the clinic or find a doctor who will take over your care in a responsible way.
15464710 tn?1442509011
I really appreciate the people on here now being so understanding and trying to help. I figured I'd give a quick update.

I finally got in to see my psychologist today to talk again about the kolonopin. Unfortunately after doing everything right and waiting and waiting to see her, after she made it sound like he would give it to me, I was told that because I was (am) addicted to hydrocodone that she will no longer ever give me my kolonopin script. She said that if I take kolonopin it will make me go out and abuse illegal drugs. I've been on this medication for six years, never to abuse it, and never abused any other drugs until the dr put me on hydrocodone to where I got addicted.

I feel hopeless. I feel like now that I'm labeled an addict no one wants to help me. I've never felt so helpless or looked down upon before in my life. I cannot even describe the feelin of trying to get help for my problem to then have it backfire in every aspect of my life. I'm so upset, scared, depressed and anxious I really don't even know what to say anymore.
1 Comments
Ronda, I am so sorry you feel so hopeless. I'm sure it's seems very weird and unfair to you that if you are only addicted to one substance, that you should be penalized for the others. In the addiction community, professionals and plain old addicts in recovery alike agree that when a person is addicted to one thing, they are POTENTIALLY addicted to other mood altering substance or narcotic. Just a gentle reminder; you've only recently detoxed from opiates, you don't know now if you would start abusing benzos. Substitution is very common when one substance is off the table.  It's done  this way because thousands upon thousands of people, decade after decade, have tried to stick w/ just one drug and they end up sooner or later, 6 years or 10 years or 15 years later, going back to their original drug of choice. I KNOW this feels like it doesn't apply to you. And I understand, like I said, I never had a problem w/ anything but pills. But, I have to believe that all those people since the 30s even, that came before me, know what they are talking about. Whether it's NA or AA or Cocaine anonymous, they are all abstinence based programs. Not to punish us, but as protection. I know you said you've been going to NA. Do you have a sponsor? Do you have friends in the rooms? I bet you'll get all kinds of good answers if you keep talking about this to people that understand.

I know you'll probably barf from what I'm about to write but I can't help but think this will be a great thing for you. I bet you are SO much stronger than you know. I bet a new life will completely open up to you if you stay completely clean.  I know you are terrified of seizures, the only thing I can say, is perhaps for a while, keep in close contact w/ people so if anything happens, they can call 911. I don't know how many you have left but maybe you can taper just for your safety (I know you don't want to.) It can't hurt to do that, though.

I PROMISE you there is an answer to your pain and your feelings. You just can't see it right now. I mean this w/ all the kindness in the world. I hope it comes across that way.

Please stay close. I bet you are going to get some awesome feedback:)
Avatar universal
Glad to hear from you Ronda. It's an aweful thing being labeled. I stil disagree with the whole thing about giving you Klonopin while you were in treatment then discharging you without it. It's insane to me. The thing is now that you have a big choice to make. Will you get drugs off the streets or not? We all must agree that buying illegal drugs as medication is definitely a bad idea. The veterans here know their stuff - you know they do. You can either do this now or do it years from now when you are older and have built a stack of regrets too painful to imagine. Take it from me please, a guy who took that road - there is nothing worse than regret and looking back on damage caused to yourself and your family that could have been been avoided by making the tough choice but the one you knew to be right.
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
There are many other ways to deal with anxiety than to reach for a pill.  I would focus my energy on some healthy ways to alleviate all of this.  Relying on meds doesnt work in the long run.  I know you are running scared right now as you have been on something for a long time.  I see this a blessing in disguise.  Learning to live med free is hard work but oh so worth it.  Talk with your therapist about
1 Comments
How are you holding up today, girl? Check in w/ us.
Avatar universal
Hi Ronda how you doing today???   did you find a doctor to ween you off of the clonapine????  anyways please update us where all trying to help..................................Gnarly..........................................
15464710 tn?1442509011
Very quick update as I'm about to head to bed and hopefully sleep. Today is day one off opiates. I've yet to find anyone willing to help taper me off from benzos though. I have a Drs appointment tomorrow afternoon with my regular physician and I'm hoping to speak with her tomorrow about it because as of right now she's my last hope.
Avatar universal
Glad you updated. I thought you detoxed off opiates per your first post?
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495284 tn?1333894042
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