Hi Voo_doo_child. If you were to really hear me I would say to cut your losses find a roommate and escort your BF out. Being tied to a Active Addict that has no intention of getting clean is a lose lose situation for You.. The thing with active addiction, it gets worse before it gets better. You are just starting your life do you really want to do this for the rest of your life our feel the heartbreak every time he lies to you? Our as his tolerance increases the missing jewelry our money? The long nights wondering where he is, if you are the crazy one? He hangs with drug addicts as his friends but you are not mad about the pills? What the Hell those pills can Kill him. Your passiveness about addiction to be honest is frighting. He lies for this is what active addicts do Lie Keep Secrets. While high we are not connected in this deep emotional sense we are numb Numb to your feeling to your tears to your anger It is the drugs that come first. This is Active Addiction. It is your choice how you want to live your life but I would suggest you run run as far as you can and live a good decent life fulfilling your dreams instead of trying to get a active addict to care more about you then they do their drugs. I do wish you the very best. lesa
You are so right and it breaks my heart :( I am passive to try to be "cool" with him and his past and that has never been ok. He thinks that I am being insensitive to having found out and that I am making this all about me when it is reallt about him, but I think it is both.. I thought I was going to marry him :'( thank you for your honesty and clarity I appreciate it very much
Oh my dear, please listen to 10356 as she is very wise. I am also going to give you some honesty from the drug addict side, meaning me. I have been in recovery for 9 yrs but i still remember what i did to those i loved. Anytime my lips were moving i was lying. I would beg borrow and steal to get what i needed. Had i gone to your house your medicine cabinet would of been mine. I would of created a world of hell for you to live in all the while i would of sat back and been high. My words would be filled with venom and i would make you feel like it was your fault. I would of robbed you of your self esteem just to make me feel better. Your finances would be gone, your jewelry and anything else of value would be gone. I would leave you with nothing and all the while i would still be high and blame others for my shortcomings. This is just a short bit of what drug addiction WILL do. Maybe not today or tomorrow but it will happen. Please think about what we have told you. You dont deserve this sort of life. There is nothing you can do or say to get him to clean up. Guilt doesnt work. It has to be our decision. There is no such thing as a functiong addict. That is just an excuse. We are here for you and by the way i love your screen name! Keep talking to us as we do care~
Thank you dominosarah and 10356. I had a talk with him last night... I wrote a long letter about how it was from my perspective without any anger(obviously a lot of sadness though) showing while we talked. Cycles of me pointing out addict behavior then he got defensive then he would cry and he basically said he has never had to face this before and always just kept it in his head as if he was drinking a beer or smoking a joint- not a big deal. The mor we talked the more he kind of ... accepted? What I was saying more or less( I mean who really knows what he accepts but at least he had to think about it), but at this point I told him we have to be roommates until I can find a new place but we cannot be together while he has this attitude about his addiction... he said he flushed them and he will do drug tests every week, tell his family, go to na meetings and everything to keep me but I cannot help but be wary. :/ anyways life is a journey and I know that addicts can change but not because of me :/ thank you for your honesty and kind words on here- I cannot talk to anyone in my life about this at the moment <3
An addict will lie and lie to keep their secret, that is part of addiction. Have a heart to heart with him and tell him you are concerned about the future. Let him know that you cannot continue a relationship if the Vicodin is going to get in the way. He probably isn't lying about anything else, but he will lie his A$$ off about the Vicodin until he stands up and says, Yes, I am sick of this. I need help.
How are things going?? Plz give us a update.
Try to look up information about Addiction and the Brain and have him read. There are tons of videos out there too. He needs Help and Support. Taking the first step and admitting he has problems is the first step to recovery. Have him go to a meeting and go with him. You can throw the pills away, but the Addiction is still there, until we deal with it with support and knowledge about what goes on inside us, and the fact that it will only get worse, if he does not get the help and understanding he needs. Addiction is a Disease!!!
I wish you both the best!
Hey everyone, so I found the pills about two weeks ago and I swear it's been the longest two weeks of my life. We had one good day last Sunday, and have been fighting every other night... he is so defensive because he sees that I am hurt I think. But tonight we had another talk where he said he will always want them and always think about the pills, but he promises that he will be honest about them. He says that I should consider leaving if I cannot "accept who he is" and that addiction is always going to be in his life and he cannot promise that he won't take them again. For me this is just so hard- he has detoxed and won't take them for now, but he will not commit to a "forever" situation without them and is also not seeking any other help. I told him that what he is doing is great but that he will take them again without addressing the psychological aspect with someone other than me-not a professional- but he is defensive and says u know where the door is if u can't accept me. I'm the one who broke up with him a week ago!! But he said he wanted to fight for what we have.. I know that addiction stays with people forever but I wish that he was more serious about addressing it in that sense. I feel like we both keep speaking our truths but it's not getting thru to each other somehow and it is exhausting. I think I am going to go home this weekend... I love him but hate that this is tearing us further and further apart.
What did his detox consist of? Was he sick? How long? Yes addiction is life long as we always have to keep our guard up and work our recovery. Doing it ourselves got us here to begin with. Aftercare is very important and vital to our recovery. There are many different forms of aftercare. White knuckling it like he is doing isnt very effective. I would highly recommend Alanon for you. If he doesnt want to put the work into his recovery you put the work into yours. I think this will help you figure out what you want to do. The people that you will meet have or are going thru the same thing you are and will be a huge support system to you. We are also here for you too. Keep us posted on how you are doing~
Voodoo- Excellent you are going to Naranon (you can also go to Alanon.) Do not talk about it anymore. He knows, you know. It's all just nagging to him. Let him figure it out! Let him fall. You must take care of you. I always tell the loved ones of addicts that they matter. You guys completely forget you exist. You were not put on this earth to take of an addict. Remember all the things that you want in life, that make you happy. Alanon/naranon will re-shift your focus where it belongs: onto YOU!:)
I am very much struggling focusing on school... my bf is supposedly doing well and doing what he should but I just feel so disrespected and like the trust is just gone... is there anyway to get the trust back? I feel like everything is different because of that....
here is an update: for anyone reading... we broke up! 2 months ago he broke up with me the day after my birthday. He said life would be easier without me, and i'm guessing without the pressure to improve on himself. If you asked me a couple months ago about our relationship i would have said it was unshakable, that he and i had something special and that we would get engaged soon, but life is a rich tapestry. he wasn't a blessing he was a lesson, and now i know a whole lot more about addicts going into any other relationship. there is a part of me that is glad that he did what i was not strong enough to do, and if he wasn't going to change i was in love with an illusion of who he COULD be- not who he was. i was also under the illusion that he loved me more than anything- he did not. he definitely loved pills and a secret addiction more. in hindsight he has a history of doing whatever he wants knowing it will hurt those around him, and lying to then escape any consequences(not just drug stuff). so maybe hes just an ******* anyways. thank you again to everyone for the support on here- when i originally posted it was a serious help to me... now i am dealing with a LOT of heartache and pain, but at least i know it will pass.. eventually. before the pain and hurting was always just around the corner. much love to this community and to everyone who struggles with addiction or who is a loved one of an addict... that ***** never easy for anyone.
I am proud of you 2 as you have both come along ways. I know the heartache is hard for you both but not as hard as it would be had you both stayed.