Addicted to the smell of alcohol.

[Bluhel87]

I started huffing alcohol here recently. Probably this last month or so. At first I just really enjoyed the smell. For my household cleaning I use a 50-50 concoction of 91% rubbing alcohol and ammonia due to its disinfectant properties. I noticed that the smell is very strong but it didn't really bother me over time. I actually found myself cleaning everything with it eventually.  I am in the health profession and we also use the SaniWipes. They are very strong and I use them to clean everything now. I will clean the same counter over and over again just to have the smell linger and I will also hold them to my nose and breathe deeply. I have also started huffing the hand sanitizer that we use at work. I won't soak cotton balls in the alcohol but I will pour a tiny but into a cup and swish it around with my face over the cup. It smells so good to me that even sometimes I am tempted to take a swig. (don't have the courage to do that though). About three months ago I started eating Ice like crazy. I'm telling you like 3-4 stops at sonic every day for a Route 44 cup of their delicious crushed ice. Both of these are PICA. I am in severe renal failure which causes very severe anemia. I have narrowed this down to my cravings for both alcohol and ice since I never had these cravings three months ago. But here recently I have been on injections to raise my blood count and when they start wearing off is when the cravings are the worst. I just started doing this recently and I am afraid of the repercussions. I want to stop but until I get a new kidney, the anemia will stay with me. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I am a nurse so I can't get away from alcohol. I mean it's literally all around me but it would be nice to not want to huff it. I have started having a burning sensation in my throat since I started and I feel like this is the beginning of a very ugly addiction. I love alcohol because it kills germs and I would like to continue  properly using it for those benefits, but I don't want to want to huff if anytime I smell the vapors. Encouragement is much needed since Iron supplements don't help renal failure induced anemia. :(