Yes it can James. You are clean and sober now right? Why do you feel so defeated and helpless? Talk to me James
how are you James? we love you.
Meegy
I am so happy to hear you are still clean!! As for family....this is tough as we burnt so many bridges along the way. Our families dont trust us and it takes a long time to regain that trust. Just us putting down the dope doesnt take all the trust issues away. We can talk till we are blue in the face but it is our actions that speak the loudest. This will take time. You did the right thing by getting clean so please dont doubt that. You have kim and her family by your side. Focus on that. Remember we cant control how others think. Cheer up my friend, we all love you here too~
oh James like i said in the note im just very sorry. and even though this is something *I* am working on myself, and i cant take my own advice (im trying though) your family / parents are not the arbiter of your worth as a person. you know that deep down. Everything that you do clean and honest is a testament to your new, precious, incredible, brave life!!! as long as you stay clean and keep moving forward, you can walk tall and proud without a second's hesitation. i told one of my students once (his parents had sent him to live in a group home and he felt abandoned) it's not that they don't want to show you they care, they can't. and i don't know why James. it aint right. but ya. when i had my 'suicide' attempt i called my parents from the hospital. they were not too comforting. and i have not heard from any of them since. i feel like they don't care if i'm alive or dead. but these are all issues im working on. at my core i know that i am the victor ... i have to accept and forgive them, i guess. as Rilke said, "Be patient and without resentment and think that the least we can do is to make his becoming not more difficult for him than the earth makes it for the spring when it wants to come. And be glad and confident."
love to you
Meegy
Do you both remember blaming everyone else for our problems? I know i did. Why did we do that? So we didnt have to take a look at our own issues, our insecurities etc. None of us wanted to step out of our comfort zone even when that zone was killing us. Our family members are no different. As long as they can keep blaming us they dont have to take a look at their own actions. It is too bad but we must place one foot in front of the other and continue walking our recovery path. I know first hand how this hurts and it comes with so many unanswered questions, We learn to love ourselves and with that the rest falls into place. We cant control them but we can control how we respond to the situation. Just know you both are loved so very much by me and so many more here~
aw you brought tears to my eyes. ty Sarah
How are you today James??
I too had a silent heart attack and did not know or have any sings of a bad heart at all. No high blood pressure or so forth. I now have 2 stents in. I had almost 2 yrs of clean time before I found out.When we leave our drugs alone and come clean we do go through a Grieving cycle. Both you & I have lost loved ones during our recovery and had to go through this again. Having a Heart issue also can bring on some Depression and Grieving. However, I know now that my Lord has given me a second chance in Life. I had to go through this without my Family, like my Mom, Dad and such, as they had passed before I knew this. At least they where still on earth when I first came clean. Yes, I do feel that my drug use played a BIG role in my heart disease, because i had always ate healthy and exercised. My DOC where the ones that got me wired up and going fast, so therefore it pumped the Heart hard. I started doing uppers at the age 13-14. I would tap in and out of using or drinking until I got really hooked in the later 90s and finally came clean in 2012. .So, again Yes, my drugs damage my Heart organ. This can happen to any of our organs. They break down first.
You got some great feedback regarding family. Just hang in and focus on You and Kim right now. They will see the Light soon. Some people just do not get or understand this Disease and they might judge. They are NOT our Judge, so plz do not let it bring you down. Pray for them and sooner or later they will come back around. If they are Negative people then you do not need that right now in your life anyway. Just keep your chin up and move forward and up.
God be with...
Vickie
