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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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710423 tn?1271164674

Cant believe I did this!!!!

So, i got all dolled up, and we went to see Sherlock Holmes this New Year's Eve.
I truly didn't think I would be capable of doing anything except moving my lets in a pair of PJs in bed writhing in pain.

He asked if I wanted to go- and to my surprise, and his, i said "yes".
It was a great movie. I took my final dose #3 at 6pm and am still doing okay.

Then, the biggest shocker of the evening...
We got home after what seemed like many hours-  which was only 2- and I felt like I was in a dream. I was so out of sorts. I am obviously in the lethargy and beginnings of PAWS from my past experience, but I told Sam to dole out a long white one ( which I couldnt remember the name due to my lack of memory at the moment, but was meaning my bedtime xanax), and he comes into the bedroom COMPLETELY misunderstanding me and hands me a LORTAB!!
Here was my reaction. Instinctively, knowing I had already used my daily dose in full, I fell back against the wall in sheer terror and said Oh my God, put that away! He was confused until  I explained I meant the xanax. I should have been more specific....BUT
What an empowering feeling! I said no when I could have gotten away with it! Holy Cow that's NEVER happened. I have never turned down a pill, especially during a detox! I felt weak and sort of sick afterwards but immediately hit my knees to say a quick "thank you" to God.
It wasn't me that said no....that's for sure.
But it did give me the validation I have been craving all day! I could have had one extra and only God and  I would know about it...but then what?? The guilt, the extra detox, the high I may have gotten would have surely put me back on the road to active junkie.
I am grateful this new years eve. Very very grateful. I did something I never thought I would be able to do.
You guys have "trained" me and I am so very blessed to have each and every one of you.
Love and happy new year
AMy
9 Responses
710423 tn?1271164674
By the way, Sherlock Holmes is a true Guy Ritchie film, so if you are not into his cinematography or his "intense scenes" don't go see it. I however LOVED IT!!!!! felt human again.
after wards i felt like i was in a dream when we left the theater, but i am okay now.
Avatar universal
Hi Amy,

I know how hard that was to do. Shows how strong you are in your conviction to keep tapering. You won't regret it in the morning but you would have if you had taken it. You deserve a HUGE CONGRATS for that!!

BTW I didn't know Sherlock Holmes was a Guy Ritchie film. I really like him & I love all Robert Downey Jr movies. Also like Jude Law. Have heard it's an awesome movie. Looking forward to seeing it myself  Wasn't it nice to have a break from tapering this and tapering that?
I watched 8 episodes of "Entourage" on my DVR  today. 4 hrs of watching that show kept me from taking an un-needed dose of oxy. Didn't even think about a pill for those 4 hrs.

You made it another day Amy! You were honest with yourself and that is a HUGE step especially in the very early days of recovery. Very proud of you girl! More inspiration for me. And believe me I need it.

Happy New Years Amy & Sam! )))   Katie
495284 tn?1333897642
COMMUNITY LEADER
You did a great job tonight in saying NO!!  You did that all on your own!!  I am really proud of you.......Happy New Year girl!!!
1034192 tn?1445513384
I am pround to say I have turned down pills in the past few weeks too.  Its an amazing feeling, one that I doubt immediately but I stick to it.  We are getting there!!!

And Happy New year!!
710423 tn?1271164674
So glad I did that. Still can't believe I did that. This morning, I woke thinking "I really F*ck*ng did that!" OK, no more patting of the back or I will mess this whole thing up. 3 today, then down to 2 tomorrow....
Happy New Year everyone!!!
Avatar universal
Good job Amy.  The feeling you get from being in control is really a high in itself.  Knowing that you and your God are in control rather that Purdue, Eli Lily et al is an awesome thing.  You are doing so good.  Keep up the hard work and this year will be the year you decided to life again.  guv
710423 tn?1271164674
Don't forget Watson.
(:
Avatar universal
Great job to all of you who turned down the drugs!!  That is wondeful news and it takes a ton of strength but what a great feeling afterwards.  Wonderful start to the new year!! :)
1032715 tn?1315987834
Well done,Everyone here gets a thrill when they hear someone turned down a DOC they could have taken.Good Job
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495284 tn?1333897642
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