Chasing the high

[worried878]

I was just reading a post and it was so familiar...at the end of my hydro use...it seemed i could not get that old high back..that fun, energy high...just made me tired and depressed....i remember on saturday i kep taking them all day....like up to 12 or so and just kept getting more and more tired and yucky feeling....I still find myself craving the high...not the pills i dont think so much as the "feeling"...and they wont do it for me anymore...i have talked to other addicts and they say that never happened to them and if they use again they still get that old "feeling"...others say that means most move to a stronger drug then...which was not something i would do or could do even

Did many have this happen at the end?  it seemed so stupid to keep taking something that had started making me feel awful...but it was still a while til i threw in the towel...i kept chasing and chasing that Feeling....but it was gone...i guess i should be glad for this or who knows how deep i could have gone

[marcatj]

yup. same thing.

it never, ever was the same as it was in the beginning, no matter how many i took.

i never got the "high" back.  just severe, severe depression and felt physically sick.  and ashamed on top of it.

you really can't go back.

and Thank God for that.

[swtbreezie]

Hi sweetie,
YES I had this same feeling and is was anything BUT good.  I was already badly depressed and the more I took the worse it got until I was having heart palpitations and I knew I was going to die if I didnt stop.  HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ it's kinda hard remembering those days, and I sure wouldnt go back for anything!  And yes Life is good!
swtbreezie

[worried878]

yep...guess u woulda had to been there to understand that ole feeling that nudges u on to chase that high that u will never quite catch again....life has to be our high, our family and friends...gotta stop and smeel the roses...life is a wonderful thing

[nug557]

You know....this sounds like classic additive behaviour to me,i've found chasing a high with pills is pretty pointless for me,from my experiance...once you have found the right dose that does it for you,taking more after that is just like running up a DOWN escalator,you get nowhere????
Same as crack/cocaine really????
CHASE IT CHASE IT CHASE IT.....it's just SO POINTLESS.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Yes, gang. I am thinking that the thrill is gone for most of us here. Time to put it behind us, and its just a little easier if you know that you really cant go back there again.......and that you arent alone -

[udoschoices]

interesting.... and here i am having to go re-read my own comments to myself to keep me from going back and trying them again to "get that feeling" i know just isnt there.  i'm glad i read this post, as it actually reinforced that i would not get that feeling and if anything just set myself back and make me feel bad that i did pills again..

good post, thanks

[worried878]

Yes..it was ur post that made me think of it....i quit because they made me feel like dog dirt at the end...and yet i still crave them from time to time....just weired is all...whhy would we crave something that made us feel bad?   i guess it is just how addiction works on the mind and proves how much of a mental battle it really is...for those quitting and worrying about the physical part...dont...easy to say but it is doable...u can make it if u put ur mind to it...it is later...the staying clean that has been a chore for me...plan aftercare for sure

[mel123emt]

Funny you should say that. I honeslty don't think I noticed it until this post came up. It seemed that my first two "morning doses" were the best, then after that.. I felt like ****, and just kept taking them to help me "feel better" .. crazy.. thanks for the post.. it made me open my eyes to a few things I never realized..

[shadowknight]

Interesting post. I remember what all I used to try to get the feeling of high. I had initially started consuming around 25 ml cough syrup to get the high and to experience euphoria. Later when I quit, I was consuming 200 ml. Thats 400 mg codeine. In the beginning getting the high was like a walk in the garden. But later no matter what I did, I just couldnt get that feeling again. Instead, it started making me feel really weird and irritated. I used to drink one litre water, used to eat chocs etc hoping it would help me get high. But it became hopeless. I realised the only way I could feel that again was if I increased its consumption a bit more. But I chose to quit instead :)

[Florida_Guy737]

I remembered when my physician placed me on the patch; taking a perc was just like the beginning...one pill makes you stronger, etc. But I quickly realized that combining the patches/percs were leading me to a place I didn't want to go.  So, yes, I wasn't chasing the high but it came again with the patches.  Otherwise, I was feeling tired and mentally slow after a 4 year run with percs.

Guy

[dayna7532]

I started shooting when i couldnt get the same high..its still not the same high its better..and that much harder to stop

[Mike_B_]

George Carlin said when he was doing drugs that at the end the more he took the less he liked it.  I think that is what you are saying.  No matter how many you take it just will not do it for you any more.

[road2recovery]

Yes that is exactly what happened to me at the end...I would take more and more and all i would get was sick....I just wanted to feel like the first times i had taken it..I could remember taking a half of one and cleaning the whole house, **** i could of cleaned the neighbors too.....Then one, and i could of cut my grass, and the neighbors...lol
then as time went by it just took more and more, but then BAM!!  Even more was not doing it.....I like u miss that first high feeling, but don't miss the chase , that no matter what i never got it back!!!
great post
r2r

[udoschoices]

was it my post?  because i posted that and actually today is the FIRST real day my mind played tricks on me. I am on day 24 off hydro/soma - and i was rationalizing how i can go get "one more script" for the weekend just to have some fun and get that feeling.. but i have a personal blog where i documented how the high just isnt there any more, even though i was taking 6-7 lortabs at a time with 4-5 somas mixed in. I did like 18 my last day before quitting, trying to "chase the high" - which just wasnt there anymore.

so today, my crazy mind was telling me "oh, you've done good for 24 days - you deserve to have some fun.. just one more script - you'll feel good". I reread my post to myself where i said "the thrill is gone - the good feeling is no longer there, all you do is nod off and get irritable, take them to feel normal, etc.. DO NOT DO IT, even if your brain is playing tricks on you"..  So i was going to go in the morning - i even made an appointment (i know, sick).  But i'm not going to do it. (i have to drive 3 hours, and i'm not going to at all).  Just goes to show how fragile this staying clean is.. hard to do, when you mind plays tricks on you.

i'm glad to hear other people saying the same thing  (as i told myself!).  Now i know even if i got them, i wouldnt get the feeling.. so i'm not going to do it.

[worried878]

I second ur AMEN!   and gtm..the water is calm and clear on this side of the addiction fence...compared to the other side!

[Missy31]

AMEN to all of the above!!

[GoingToMakeIt]

Chasing after pills! Taking them to feel 'normal'. Worrying about the Tylenol destroying my liver. Still in pain but maybe more will help?
I am so glad those days are over! The relief, just to admit I had a problem was wonderful. Getting that weight off my shoulders was so liberating.

To those reading and lurking. Jump on in, the water's fine!

[worried878]

I am pretty intelligent...and it just seems so stupid now that i look back at the time and money i wasted....and then to still crave it is even more stupid...cos i cant get it back..if i had never experienced this Feeling as most of the population has not..i would not miss it and want it back so bad sometimes....i will never feel that way again...now my mind has to totally accept this as it is like my mind has a mind of its own somewhere...that gets off track and wants something it can not have....chasing that old feeling that will not ever return....so onto the next phase i guess...making the most out of life and being happy with what i have and accept my limitations as far as energy goes...i only get to my meeting once a week as a rule..sometimes more....it has helped tremendously and this forum as well

[kris123]

that's what happened to me, i wanted that high, but no matter how much coke i did i couldn't get that great feeling towards the end.  i would do one line, then a bigger line two min later and another.  i would do them faster and closer togeather and i was so deprssed during the whole time - i know how you feel

[gizzy32]

i can relate to this post so much. that's all i did was chase that high with coke and the more i did the worse i felt, so i just did more. i would tell myself over  and over i can't get high no more, but the mental addiction and thinking of that first line was just too much. it really is crazy to think we could keep using something we despised so much and made us feel so bad. welcome to the world of addiction :(

[Rose703]

You had an OD experience with opiates? I only ask because I have an interest in this as my mother OD'ed several times and I was lucky and never did. If you feel up to sharing the experience with me, would you PM your story to me? My mother passed away in 1999 so I can't ask her anymore.

[Rose703]

Yes I was one of those people who ended up simply chasing the high that I could no longer obtain no matter how many pills I took or snorted!! I completely understand what you're saying and along with you I'm so happy that I no longer spend my days and nights chasing some stupid high.

BTW, I think I just read that post to and it was an eye opener as to how the addict brain thinks and works.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

We must have been reading the same post - yes, I chased a high that I never expect to experience again....for way too long....that is what I was chasing when I od'd and had the ER experience. Really a brainless decision to realize that the thrill was gone .....................