Hi everyone. I have been reading your posts and I see a lot of people who have been clean for a couple days or even a couple months, but I havent seen any posts about those of you who were addicted to smoking oxycontin on tin foil. First let me tell you my story.. I got into pain pills just like most of you, I was 18 in high school and pills were all over the place. I had tried vicodin and percs, but rarely used them, I was into ADD medication at the time. And then my wisdom teeth extraction surgery came and I got a full Rx of percs..and then another refill and then another. finally a friend got my boyfriend and I into oxycontin 80's, called "beans" up here in the Pacific Northwest. we started out snorting quarters and sometimes halves on the weekends just for fun, soon enough it got heavier and things went sour. Finally we ended up smoking atleast 4 each a day, we housed a drug dealer in our apartment and I was sneaking into his room at night to steal tons of oxys out of his bag under his mattress while he and his gf slept. anyway, finally my family got involved because it had gotten really bad for me, and especially for my bf, Cam. I did not go to inpatient rehab but decided on an alternative approach as I am not the religious type and I do not really relate to the 12 step program and AA. I got a great suboxone doctor and have now been taking 3 8mg Suboxone's a day for almost 10 months. I also have a drug addiction therapist who I was seeing 4 times a week to work on my internal issues related to my drug addiction. I cruised through the first 9 months of sobriety. I knew it was too easy. It has not been easy for my boyfriend who has suffered many relapses. you could say he was a "chronic relapser", however I am not. I have not relapsed once, passed every drug test, pleasing everybody but myself. this last month has been AWFUL for me. completely utterly hopeless. My cravings are so severe I only trust myself to go to work and come straight home afterward afraid I may go out and use. The last thing I want to do is relapse, but I miss certain things about my addiction. not even the feeling of the high itself, more the lifestyle, the act of smoking, the people, the atmosphere, when I shouldnt miss those things at all! My cravings are so intense I am afraid I am going to break down at any moment and use.
has anyone else had this problem this far down the road in sobriety? should I still have these feelings almost a year sober? even though I never had this problem before? Why is this happening? I just feel like I have nobody to relate to. I want to go to meetings just to hear other people's experiences, but I am afraid others will shun me and label me as "not sober" because I am prescribed suboxone. (which I have also started weening off under my doctors recommendation of course) I feel that I am sober and am very proud of that label, so I am worried that someone will try to take that away from me. Mostly I would just like someone to relate to, so if any of you have a similar experience, please share.