Cocaine death

[pcalifa]

My son was 19.  He used cocaine intravenously for 3 years, particularly heavy the last year.  One night he was alone, had a lot of coke, and couldn

[arrogantu2fan]

In 1997 I came home from work and found my husband dead in the bathroom...I did not know until autopsy he died from injecting cocaine...I have dealt with my loss but it still haunts me...did he suffer?  There was blood smeared on the walls and pictures were on the floor broken....the medical examiner told me that it was a "botch" job..basically someone killed him....I received my insurance money that as you know you don't get easily with drugs involved...if anyone out there can read the scenario and answer my question I would appreciate it...it just still haunts me what he went thru...his sleeves were pullled down...I didn't see his arms.  I really would appreciate anyone with knowledge to help me put this to rest.  It has been way too long and I would like to know.....

[my_mayberry]

this is very sad. i know this post is old...to think nearly a decade has gone by since this. this is around the time my dad died. its amazing how you can loose someone a decade ago but remember them like you saw them earlier today...and still feel the pain like it was yesterday.

i hope this lady find peace. to be honest, i'm not sure any parent would truly want to know whats goinig through the mind of their addicted child. their instict is to protect no matter what....the pain would be too much.....and the hardest thing to do is protect someone from themselves.

anyway...very sad to read this.

[HaleyBear]

I'm 16. I've done coke numerous times and I can tell you one thing for sure, this being my 2nd year of cocaine addiction, I know how your son felt.
He felt good. There was probably something in his regular life that was bothering him so he jumped for the snow.

On my cocaine experiences, I know that I don't have to think about my problems because I feel like everything's okay. I feel like I can actually grasp whats going around me. Some times I'd do so much I couldn't move. I was getting people to buy it for me and bring it to my window when my mother locked me in the house.
It's not scary when your on it, and when you think about it (and your using it) it doesn't seem harmless at all. Even I know the effects of cocaine on your brain and your nose, but hell, I still don't care, and that's why I'm getting help.
Just know that what he felt, was good. Sex but one hundred times better. That first kiss, that shot electricity down your spine. The love that he needed from every one...was in that first line, and that last line.

I worry about my friends every day for the same reason, when will that line be the last. It scares me. I'm sorry about your son, I know I'll see him at some point.

[lag64]

I lost my son 2 weeks aga to cocaine what an evil drug he was 22 handsome and had everything to live for
i to have wandered how he felt in the hour  and minutes before his death. but i do have some peace knowing that he dont have to battle this evil thing anymore.

[worried878]

This is a very old post from 2001...I read thru it tho...so sad...u may want to post a new question to bring attention to ur needs....it must be very sad to lose ur child to this addiction stuff...i am so sorry and u r in my prayers....I believe ur son is at peace...at last
was looking at the names of the people who posted in 2001...none familiar//looked like a tight group and i hope they r ok as well

[lag64]

I just lost my son 2 weeks ago in the same manner as you,
I dont Know why but it is drivng me insane to know how my son was feeling in the hour and moments befoe his death, I like you have to beleive that he is at peace now from this evil drug,i feel that i lost the battle .but i know that it is his gain, not having to be a slave to this drug any longer. my prayers are going up for you, may you find some peace with all this
                                 Lag

[lasherslaugh]

My ex-husband is a meth (crank) addict and all I can tell you is each person has to "hit Bottom" and the "bottom" is different for each of us.Maybe you should leave for a while because seeing him like this can be and is very painful to you.This might bring him around and then again it might not,but either way YOU need to live your life.I'm not trying to say leave him for good but get some distance for your own sanity.Of course you want to help him because you love him,but are you willing to get lost in this? At this point he may just be getting started,because addiction never ends but addicts can stop using but they (we) will always be addicts.Like they say an alcoholic can never drink again just like an addict can never do drug again it's a lifelong struggle.Until he sees things around him change for the worst like jail,losing you a job,etc. the coke will be the "Love of HIS life".I wish you all the best because you in for a long ride. L.L.

[alldonepercs]

Click on back to forum at the top of this page.
When you get to all the NEW  POSTS click on post question .
The post that you enter this into is years old and not many will see this. Post a new one and you will get alot of insight today and throughout this weekend to his problem and what can be done to help him.

[jessejames31]

6 years between posts, WOW.

btw... Oct. 15th 2001 is by daughters birthday...

[AshiaS]

The love of my life has been using coke  now for 7 months every day, almost non stop. He has also of money and there is nothing stopping him. I have tried everything to try and get him to face what he is doing but nothing seems to work. I beg you all if any one knows how I can get through to him or what I can do to help him please tell me. I could not go on if he dies. This has been the most painful time in my life and I grew up being sexually abused. I would rather go through that hell again then this one. I just dont know what to do. Please some one help me! Any and all suggestions are welcome

[SHOTSY]

I for one agree with you. Maybe some people do this because they feel too deeply? A question to pondered. Move closer to the top of the posts. You may get over looked way down here.

[Duke Roul]

Reading through this discussion, and thinking back to a conversation that myself and some once very close friends had,
I have suddenly rememberd what was said.

It seems that all the people with drug addictions, perhaps that we knew or even read about seemed to have an almost open and careing side that had been "awoken" by mis-use of drugs.

Once some time ago, I met a guy who was the biggest Coke dealer in our town, I dident meet him through drugs, I met him in a pub. Hell" I dident even know who he was at the time,

he wasent a nice guy, he stole, he cheated, he lied...and eventually he got arressted.

But neadless to say from what small dealing I had with him,
on the odd occassion we would meet up for a drink, or perhaps go for a smoke round his place, to me he was an okay guy,
he showed me respect he never tried to cheat me out of anything, and dare I say at times...I miss him !


This has no real relevence to this thread, and I am unsure why I posted this.

All I am really trying to say is that the drug itself is the curse, the person themselves are perhaps a lot deeper inside.


-Matt-

[pcalifa]

God Bless each one of you.  I am so deeply touched with your compassion and empathy.  I didn't read this for a few days and am overwhelmed today with the thread of Love woven through all of these words.  Also by reading about some of your struggles you have shown me some of what Aaron was fighting.  I feel the support of all of you blessed survivors, and for me that is a gift from Aaron that he was only able to give me through you. You all seem to be so very sensitive, as I know he was.  So caring, as he was.  Wanting to help others, as he always yearned to do.  I am grateful for the variety of comments, and even that I didn't check back for a few days.  In reading them all together somehow the combination of feelings and reflections helped me understand his experience in a more rounded way.  You're all correct:  Who knows?  About all I'm left with is that there is great power in Love and Love never never dies.  Thank each one of you so much for everything you offered me, each and every comment had meaning for me. God does work in mysterious ways.  My prayer is that each of you find the Peace you wished for me.  Love, Pat

[jennyfla]

I am so sorry about the loss of your son, that must be so very very difficult.  I'm a mother of three, and i just couldn't imagine your pain.
I have used Coke and Crack during my lifetime (not my drug of choice by far), but all in all, i have experienced some of the drug's evils.
I've done too much to the point of thinking that my heart was going to come out of my chest at any moment.  I know that awful feeling of wanting more, at any cost!!!!  The high is very short, and you ALWAYS want more!!!  One part of coke i hated was the 'coming down' part.  It almost wasn't worth the 'high' for me, I hated it that much!!!!
During one of the occasions that i did crack, i remember just running around the house like a crazy person.  I wanted more, and i wanted that same 'first hit' high again (which never happens by the way).  I just wasn't satisfied, it was crazy!!!
I think, in a way, you might be looking for something that really doesn't exist.  I don't know what pushed you son to do what he did, it almost sounds like he had other things he was dealing with in his life besides drug abuse.  I think it may be the actual problem or problems he was trying to escape by getting high that finally got the best of him.
You have a good attitude, you understand that your son is at peace and in a better place.  Living a life filled with drugs is a horrible way to live, especially a life filled with coke!  May his soul live in everlasting peace, and i pray that you two will be together one day again!
Lv Jenny

[cindi]

WE all have those days  those weeks  hell, even years of ****...we can put everything behind us and never discuss it again...I do understand you are hurting not only physical but it sounds emotional as well, and just like me and mostly everyone here the emotional pain at times outweighs the physical....you do not have to share anything with us that makes you uncomfortable,,,,maybe someday...we are not here to pressure you...if you ask we can offer advice and opinions and if you would like us to just listen and give you a shoulder we will be more than happy to do that as well....there are no apologies necessary here... as we know and understand what this disease can do to us..as well as the pain....please keep coming back and hang in there...if you need us we are here for you...good luck and God bless us all     love to all cin

[katie r]

Hey....we all have those days. At least I know I do. That was what brought me to this forum.....I was out of lortab one day and felt so incredibly crappy I started out looking for advice. That was about a year ago....since then I have continued to use the drugs...then come here when I run out. The kind of day you just described.....I think I can speak for everyone....we've all had them! Just keep coming here...it does help to know you're not alone.

[justmee]

I would like to sincerely apologize for using this forum to respond in a way that was not appropriate with the purpose for which it was created. I would like to also apologize to everyone who had to read the things I said. I know from reading this forum for the past couple of weeks how caring and understanding the people are who come here are.  

I am really not like that.  I had detoxed down to two 5mg of vics per day since last Sunday and Thursday got a horrendous tooth ache, couldn't get an appointment to have a root canal and by Saturday I was popping 1 vic an hour and still in pain.  I also have chronic back pain and saturday it was really bad. There is not enough time to go into the other devastating events of the past week.  This is not an excuse, I just thought someone may be curious.

I feel totally embarrased about what I said and if anyone feels the need to say anything about what went on please don't think badly of me if I don't respond.  I am listening and I hear you. I will continue to get help from reading the messages on this forum.  But I don't think I will be comfortable sharing, so please don't take this the wrong way. I has nothing to do with you cindi, just me. Thank you to everyone here.  You all are incredible.

[cindi]

Thank you Shea,,,even though you and I have never had the opportunity to interact very much I have always admired yur posts...and your honesty...like I said  those that know me from this forum know that I do not intentionally say cruel and hurtful things to people and at times I have been referred to as the peacekeeper as I try to keep the peace during little disagreements as conflict is something I try to avoid..I also have been called the "protectress" as I come to the defense of those people here I care deeply about and that is just about everyone  LOL   again thank yoi for your encouraging words....love to all   cin

[Shea]

pcalifa

I must apologize for not posting sooner. I do send my deepest sympathy to you for the loss of your son. I can't imagine your grief losing a child. When I read your post my heart went out to you but I was at a loss for words. However, not at a loss for prayers and deepest sympathy. Although no one has the answers I truly believe he is at peace now. I am sure everyone on this forum has kept you in their prayers. And if you didn't receive as much replies as you expected it wasn't due to a lack of caring. We are addicts on this forum and sometimes it takes us awhile to catch our breath. I am speaking for myself but imagine others feel this way. May peace and comfort find you.

Shea

[Shea]

cindi,

I must commend you on your last post in regard to "justmee'. I think you have reached out far beyond to show your sincerity. Hopefully "justmee" will except. If not there will be many others who will be grateful for your help, insight and willingness to listen and share your experiences.
_________________________________________________________________

justmee

You will find that people on this forum have a fascinating way of working together in a supportive harmonious way. They are nonjudgmental and very caring. I believe you will find this to be true. Keep in mind we are all suffering and working day to day to keep our heads above water.  This forum and the people on it have been such a pillar of strength to me. I hope you can also find some peace here.

Shea

[justmee]

First of all. I really don't at this point need anyone who doesn't know me telling me what I NEED to do. Why do you stay on me?  I was simply trying to help someone and was not suggesting any malintent, as you stated. I THOUGHT I was explaining why she didn't get many responses at that point.

I would like very much to share what is going on with me when I feel comfortable.  But I think that now I probably may not if the responses will be anything like yours.  As to what you said, I didn't and don't feel a sense that you are willing to help me, I feel a sense that you are trying to, for lack of better words "set me straight", and I think it would be impossible for you to help me given the tone of your posts,(especially the part "you feel the need to jump down peoples throats for reasons unknown to us.") I don't feel strongly offended by you I just don't understand why you keep sending me these messages. I am new at this and if you didn't have anything supportive to say to me on my first post, you shouldn't have said anything to me at all.

One final note:  I have already found help on this forum.

[justmee]

Thank you so much for your concern.  I feel so much better now. My story goes back 20 years.  I am not in the right mood to share now, but I will tell you that reading this forum has put me in a direction that I am truly grateful. Thankx so much.

[cellophane]

My heartfelt sympathies for the awful losses you have suffered, both with your son's addiction and his death.  I have never visited this forum before tonight, the only post I've read thus far is yours. It reinforces my belief that everything happens as it should, be it god's will, fate, or whatever.

I was feeling sad tonight because my 16 year old son has a chronic illness, as well as a liver condition that is likely to eventually kill him. Your post reminded me of the many blessings in our lives, and I badly needed that reminder. I hope that I can, with time, help you in some way in return.

All I've had to deal with is the possible loss of my son. I know that cannot even begin to approach the intensity of what you're feeling now. So many losses; his companionship, your hopes and dreams for the man he would become, the family he did not live to build for himself. You will grieve for these losses for the rest of your life.

When I read your question, I wondered what motivated it. The obvious answer is that you want to know what he felt, but do you know why you want to? The most difficult part of my son's illness and all the things that go along with it is that he experiences pain and discomfort that I can neither share nor alleviate for him.  I don't know if in some way you are trying to share your son's pain.  The powerlessness of it must be overwhelming. I'm not sure that even if you could know exactly what he felt that it would ease your way at all.  

As a nurse, I have been with many people as they made the passage from this life. The only thing I can tell you with certainty is that it's a different experience for everyone, regardless of the specific circumstances. I have also seen the devastation of addiction up close, both in my work and my personal life.  There is no way of knowing what suffering your son may have endured if he had lived and not found recovery.

You didn't ask for advice, and I am reluctant to offer it. But I am worried for you.  What I would say is this: think of the boy your son was, the joy you shared as he grew, the goodness in him that you could see from the time he was an infant. Know that those good things were still there in him, as hidden as they may have been by the drugs. Know that you did not cause his addiction, nor his death.  Know that it is natural to at times feel angry at him. Let yourself feel the pain of your loss fully and accept that it will take a lot of time before you can resume anything close to a normal life. Find those people who will let you talk about him, and let you express your sadness as you need to, on your timetable. Always think of what he would want for you, and take care of yourself accordingly.

I know there is nothing that will really make this better, but talking does help. Please keep in touch.

[cindi]

your words are so true,,and this is how things on the net do get misconstrued,,,,my only hope is to help,,it is not my nature to  (I think everyone that knows me can tell you) be cruel and intentionally hurt people..your a wise one shotsy,,,love to all  cin