Confused-what is the high everyone talks of

[treedr]

I know that I'm adding a new thread, but I've gotten pretty confused about what everyone else seems to feel with this stuff. The only "good" feeling I get is no pain. At it's most powerful, I fell asleep. It's never given me energy nor a high feeling. My husband suggested that it gives people the "high" I feel when I'm manic.

I am physically addicted. And I think of taking a pill to stop the pain and RLS, but it doesn't seem to be the consuming obsession. When they tried me on oxy it was the same. Same thing with fentanyl. I'm starting to feel like I'm missing something. Is the high just falling asleep so that you escape the madness of life? Someone please help me here.

My husband used to do drugs in college and says he can't explain it either. His daughter actually poked holes in the fentanyl patches. That never occurred to me. So am I just wired so differently because I'm bipolar or am I just stupid?

[treedr]

WOW Gnarly, that's an impressive posting. You've hit my personality dead on. My overachievement has been lifelong, ending in grad school. My 2nd, and current, spouse is also one of those. So we use it to drive ourselves crazy since we are getting just a wee bit old. He's on disability retirement after a car wreck and brain damage. These days I also worry about being able to provide adequate care for him regardless of how much the gov cuts our retirement or SS.

I just sent an email to a chronic pain therapist, so here we go.

It's always shocking how childhood interferes, isn't it. For me, I've just realized that things I've felt ashes about my whole life was really sexual molestation by my brother. I'm a bit angry but more curios where it all began.

I do worry that my bipolar could go nuts off the opiates. So I've started to examine the herbal treatments. The therapist I've contacted is also an integrative type, so I like that.

Probably more than anyone wants to know

But I've certainly passed the perfectionist trait to my kids. Hope it's a good thing for them!

Happy and Healthy New Year to All.
Stay well and strong

[gnarly_1]

Hi   I ti lived in chronic pain and also am bipolar to day I have learned a lot about bipolar and addiction both...I was told by 2 different doctors that I self medicated for years with drugs  once stopped my bipolar went wild  I could stay up for days on end in a mainea  today I will not take any thing I can feel  my statement to the doctor is ''if I feel anything beyond a baby aspirin I will not take it''  she respects me and does not give me anything I will ''feel''   today I manage my bipolar with only 2 meds as for opiates I always got the sleepy fuzzy euphoric feelings  as a addict I loved it and when I dident feel it I took more  I was in sales and could not do my job on the pills so I saved them for the end of the day and took them all at once   it was my reward for a stressful day working with paul my substance abuse counselor I learned that even when we dont feel high per say it is the subtle effects that our brain finds aluing I learned that we often dont realize that the pills are what is relaxing us  taking away the stress of the day because where taking them for real pain it is these subtle effects that we have to worrie about it is this that will separate the use for pain from addiction and this threshold once crossed can spiral out of control stress and emotional pain is well quenched by opiates very rarely do we ever see this with chronic pain but the fact is w like the ''side effects'' of the pills  if your honest with yourself very few of us can say we dont like that even if taken as prescribed you still get these effects.. it is so suttle in many cases that many dont even realize it until we stop  then these emotions become very real and we dont know why we cant deal with them..  opiates ,even a small dose effect brain chemistry  and once removed we hit a ''energy crash'' it is the brains inability to produce endorphins with out them  even in the smallest of doses hence why you feel so crappy after you stop weather your just dependent or a addict like me we will all go threw this  it was explained to me once like this...  when you see a small child do something silly we laff at it  this is like a finger touching the endorphins in your brain to respond when we take the pills it is like hitting this gland with a hammer   after enough blows it no longer will get stimulated by natural things and we fall into a great depression...after you study this long enough you realize you where a addict long b/4 the drugs the behaviors the self obsession and the feeling that you wernt quit comfortable in your own skin has been with you long b/4 the drugs  for many of us its roots are deep my go back to grade school and a fear of failure my brain knows 2 emotions  im ether perfect or failing there is no separation in my mind I struggled with this all my life... I set so high of stander's failure was eminent so I lived difeted doing good was never enough it was drove me to out perform every one on the sales floor but it also drove me nuts when I couldent do it.. I was a utter failure in my mind if I wasn't number one...  this is very unrealistic but it is real addictive behavior and what drove me to use... if your honest with yourself you will see your self trying to reach unrealistic goals in your marriage  your job and you family  I her wemen often say they where ''super mom'' on the pills  mabe so but it is the desire to be ''super mom'' and the obsession with that... that is the problem... as long as you choose this type of thinking the addict in you will continue to seek shelter in drugs from all the feelings that come out of this unrealistic goal you set for yourself   you have to be willing to accept life on lifes terms there will be days that my sales will be down  there will be days that dinner does not turn out or laundry piles up it is ok this is how life works  it has taken a lot of meetings at N/A to realize this and working the 12 steps to learn how to deal with it  for me it  a daily progam that as long as I work it I am no longer devastated when thing dont go exactly my way  it is ok...if you really want to get past this you will need to deal with the root issues that drive you to use and as you may see by my examples that you where and are are a addict long b/4 the pills...  now you can go down to the bitter ends and let the drugs take over or you can treat the disease with a progam of recovery   I challenge each one of you to go to  N/A for 3mo  if you dint see a positive change in your thinking and most of you will then abandon it .. my guess if your honest with your self you will realize That this will not go away on its own but you can recover and live a very fofilling life give your self a break for the first time...................................Gnarly............................

[treedr]

Someone suggested a pain psychologist. There's only one nearby. But I'm going to call in am. Maybe the opiate has controlled the moods. But I've begun learning herbal and may go there rather than the big Pharma whom I don't trust.

[weaver71]

My therapist still isn't sure if I am a full blown addict or if I was treating my bipolar, primarily. I believe we bipolar need some specialized help, when it comes to getting through detox and into recovery. As for the high, well, I took drugs so long, I thought I wasn't getting high, but my emotions were blocked, with or without the energy. I don't need pills for energy, my mania covers that just fine. I did need to tame my mind though, so that is the desired mood altering affect of drugs for me. CBT is by far the most help for me, what kind of aftercare are you involved in? I waited too long to get bipolar help, I wanted to be clean longer, before I confronted that issue. Well, as my brain receptors healed and became fully functioning, so did my bipolar. I went manic and had to get help, specifically for bipolar. I had no choice, at a certain point, but tom confront all my conditions simultaneously. Tolerance to opiates, I don't care what doctors, Pdocs, or scientists say, the dulled affect that opiates have dampen bipolar symptoms for many. I am one and have met many who say the same, bipolar, not doctors, though some doctors will agree.

I suggest you team up with bipolar therapy and addiction therapy, asap. We use drugs for way more reasons than we think. It doesn't have to be a high or euphoria, it can be dulling, escape in sleep, calming or stimulating the mind, childhood memories, feeling toward one's self, resentments, anger, I found out I took drugs for way more reasons than the high. I stopped feeling anything like a buzz for many of the last years. I actually took less, when I partied, I took extra on hard days of work. None the less, I have had to riffle through my heart and mind to discover ALL the reasons I kept taking drugs, even after I wanted to quit. So, what are you doing to learn to cope with a bipolar life off opiates?

[dwhitti777]

Everyone's brains are different.  I also don't really get pleasure from my pills. Oh if I take enough I might feel some small euphoria but it is usually followed by feeling pretty sick. I remember being in the hospital after surgery and asking when I could stop taking the pain pills because they helped the pain but also made me so sick. Then later they gave me these fioricet with codeine for my migraines. They work great but now I'm physically dependent and I hate it which is why I'm here and trying to taper off.  I don't even get anything from marijuana much. I tried it a few times over the years and mostly I just gag. I AM addicted to regular cigarettes which I guess is weird considering marijuana makes me gag...but life is strange. That will be an addiction I'll deal with after tapering off the fioricet.

[jugglin]

Many of us start off on the meds for legit pain...then comes the energy...and for many of us, that high that allows us to shut out the kids fighting, the b.s. at work, etc.  Be grateful that it sounds like you have a physical dependence and not an addiction.  It truly is a catch 22 for those of us with continued pain.  Keep asking questions, keep seeking answers, keep moving forward,  You are doing a wonderful job!

[treedr]

Hey Luvdolphins,
I know that one too. There is always something that happens. Got shingles 2 yrs ago. Omg!!! One of the most common causes of suicide because of pain. Then this hand surgery that became infected. OUCH!!!  They operated again 2 weeks ago and it's better but still very painful. Will be scheduling surgery again in march. Thinking of asking for valium to let me sleep post-surgery for 3-4 days then just tough it out. Degenerative back and more discs going it is a vicious cycle. But I can't take oxy-makes me vomit. I won't do patches.

[luvdolphins58]

I totally understand. I have never got high or energy from any opiates. I have taken them just get out of pain or take edge off pain. I have only been dependent not addictive. Unfortunately i think going to have to start taking again. I'm fighting it as long as i can.

[drakeBpat]

Ur not missing anything. Don't go searching either . you'll never get out..

[drakeBpat]

Ur not missing anything. Don't go searching either . you'll never get out..

[Dozeman]

I never would call it High for me but it was the ability to work like hell all day and still feel great at the end of the day get up in the morning and do it again that kept me going and now here I sit needing them to even feel normal im sure that is what draws many into the trap

[treedr]

I also have to admit that If what people fell is similar to my mania, I can understand it. Nothing like it in the world even though my manic episodes aren't nearly as extreme as some can be.

[kellygirll]

dont question it just go with it if thats true you are one lucky lady =)

[dominosarah]

I took pills in hopes of killing the emotional pain i felt.  You arent missing a thing by not knowing.

[jifmoc]

Be glad that's not you!:)