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Avatar universal

Crack

My husband uses crack. He also drinks frequently and smokes marijuana (daily). He has been using crack for about two years. He has admitted he has a problem. But he soesn't stop using. He's gone for a month and then went back. We seperated over his addiction(s) and he seemed to be getting better after getting much worse. So we are back together now since Spetember and he was using about once a month. Now it's every time he has the money to do it.

He says he wants to quit and that he has no controlover himself. I thought that admitting you have a problemis the first step to recovery? He doesn't do anything to help himself stop. His latest idea as to how he is going to quit is he's not going to work. So if he has no money then he has no access to the drug. Can this approach work, if he is sincere in his desire to stop? Or is it a way of manipulating me so he can continue but also keep his family?

And once they stop, like for years, I understand they may still get the cravings for it. So does it ever end? Can someone really get off of it forever?
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Avatar universal
Thanks for reading my post. I thought it may have gotten lost amongst all the other forums. You've  lost a lot in your struggle to SAVE someone who doesn't have the ability to put a halt on the spiral that comes with every crack addict. They are not the only ones who say it will never happen to me--we as loved ones have said it too. But take heart and encouragement even if you have to encourage yourself to keep on pressing on.Start small by treating yourself to reading again , getting out of the house and just-hey-take a deep breath. You are alive and you are in your right mind despite everything the enemy(that's truly who is the root here) tried to down you with. Thank God for that because you may not realize it while you are in the storm of a hellish relationship with a crack addict that your inner strengths and weaknesses are surfacing with each wave of manipulation, trial and tribulation. You reach a point where you know that if God doesn't help you -nobody else can.You realize a defiant truth-YOU ARE NOT GOD AND YOU CAN'T SAVE NOR CHANGE ANYBODY!!!!!!!!  Oh yeah, praise God, this is where you humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and He is the one who will exalt you in the right time. Don't give up and don't you give in. Yes, it was wrong the hurtful things you've been through but the keyword here is THROUGH. You have made progress in coming out- the mere fact that you went on the internet is a shift in the direction of freedom. I almost lost my mind medically because for the first 2 years of my remarriage to my crack addict I didn't know the ways and character of crack addicts and we fought constantly. We had the
police station at our house all the time because he would get violent and I would just get tired of physically fighting so I would call this the police. Of course, yours truly or his mom woulld pay the fine and get him out.And thus the rollercoaster would begin two days later and it was up and down, up and down until Dec. 2006 until today. I realized that this lifestyle was desirable for him-he liked it, he enjoyed it and he didn't want to let it go BUT I wasn't even a factor in his decision. So I began to put myself in the equation of life-MY LIFE. When you begin to think for yourself-please be prepared for him or her to all of a sudden get all religious and manipulative on you. But you have the trunk card if you didn't know it. You seek out someone you can confide in. By now you know who it is and it might help if you don't tell his family members I don't care how close you all are your plans.WHY?
Because you have been dealing with him all this time and they were on the outside looking in, okay.? He was YOUR problem. It was YA'LL'S business/mess to deal with. Well, when they began to see that He will become the FAMILY PROBLEM they will turn on you and make you feel guilty. So I already went through that already and so I am here to pass that on to all that might have not thought of this outcome. All of a sudden its You against the sick one. Be wise. Be discreet. Be about getting yourself some help.We need each other to make it because it strengthens someone else who might get broadisided by all this crazy stuff. I am yet pressing and I encourage myself daily. By faith, I AM OUTTA THIS MESS and my future, your future, our future is soooooo bright
we have to wear shades. Take care.
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
After reading all the above comments your're the only one that I can tell who has found their strength in the Lord.  I am going through the same thing and I plead for the blood of the lamb to deliver my husband as He (GOD) is the only one who can do so at this point.  My husband was clean for 7 years (4 while incarcerated).  Now he has returned to his drug use for the past 3 months and it's killing me softly.  He goes out and stay for 3-4 days, come back looking like death and rest for 2 then gone again.  The thing that makes me the angriest though is his son is his wanna be drug dealer.  I am trying real hard to be strong about this because I still have a family too lead and I don't want them affected about his mess.  I don't have any friends because when he came home from the joint it was just he and I against the world.  We did everything together we were best friends now he's gone out doing his thing and I'm left at home to worry.  Which of course, I have found great strength in the Lord and reading my Bible.  I know sooner or later the Lord will deliver him I just have to have great patience and wait (that's the hard part).  So to all my sisters and families that's suffering because of our mens drug addiction.  I say "Wait for the Lrod.  Be strong and don't lose hope.  Wait on the Lord." Psalms 27:14(NIV)
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Its time for YOU to LIVE. Don't fall for the guilt trips crackheads run on you. Are you tired? Who is mentally disabled you or the crackhead. Forgive them , walk in love but please use some of the forgiveness and love on yourself. I have a crackhead husband. I know it but like most-he denies it despite me finding burnt spoons, pipes, torn corners of plastic wrap and actually showing it to him. Its not mine or you don't know what your talking about is the usual comment. I guess through all my 14years of dealing with my husband's illness- i never could come to grips at why he was always angry at me- i worked and carried the load of the family while he did hustles for dope dealers and their families fixing cars and handy man work and smoked his money up.We fought constantly but i always fell for the bull jive he laid out. I got tired of living his lifestyle because i had adjusted- Adjusted to not asking for money cause it wasn't coming, letting him just do whatever he wanted because he "needed " me. Yeah right. Can you say' E-N-A-B-L-E" boys and girls and his parents were runnning neck and neck with me. Sometimes we would give him money just to get rid of him for a while. Then he started using in bedroom bathroom and that's when things for me changed because i slept in the bedroom after working at night and would be at home at least 14 days out of month at night. This posed a problem for him because I was around and I would say things about his habit and ask questions. He would be angry and then we would fight, have sex and live to fight another day. That's all it was sex because i would get accused of cheating, and he would verbally abuse me regarding sex. So I stopped having sex with him which opened up a whole new type of abuse. But I know that my husband had more than a $5.oo habit and he was getting crack from somewhere and it was not free especially with him doing handyman jobs all over town at 2-5am. Be real.
Well, I decided that i wanted to live and not die and declare the works of the LORD. see, folks,. in order to enjoy life -you must be here. I know i can't depend on my husband to make decisions for me so i made arrangements for him not to have that power due to him being on crack. I had his name removed from the deed of my property because he would give it over to the drug dealers(his friends) to use as they please. I took my van away from him and you can believe there was a whole lot of drama behind that. I bought myself a cell phone and had the house phone disconnected. He never called me. But he called the dope dealers and his so called "customers" that he did work for. And I put in in life insurance. And yesterday, I had him served with involuntary alcohol and drug commitment papers for him to be in court next week to send him to rehab. Now you know that this has been Oscar award winning drama since yesterday. I've been accused of getting "RID" of him for my lovers, he ran to his mom's house lying, he threatened to "lowgrade" me in court,etc.  But even in the face of no support from my family, low key support from his family, his verbal abuse--I will move forward. You see, i have been told by a lot o people that a crackhead has to want to be free. I agree but what about his wife, his family-where is their freedom because they are in the trenches too but they don't get the benefits of the high. Send them to rehab for yourself not them. Seek help and groups who really know what you are going through and don't be afraid to let your loved ones know and tell them they are CRACKHEADS. Identify the problem(mountain) and then speak to that mountain and tell it its got to go. But you need the Power of Jesus' name to move this mountain. No rehab is not the answer its just a healing period for you and if they grab hold to the truth in rehab-its all good. But 45 days  compared to one moment in God's presence is nothing. Its in God's presence that healing takes place. You get in God's presence-you welcome and receive the healing and the grace (much grace) to stand until your loved one accepts the Way, The Truth and The Life. You may have to remove them from your home in order to keep your sanity. Get the police to help. IF he has old fines remind the court systems so they can pick them up and get them off the streets and clear your home. It sounds cruel but you have got to be firm. Say what you mean and mean what you say. They won't like you but guess what they don't like you any way because crack doesn't like you and it came to steal, kill, and destroy them and their family. They don't realize that they are bound. The strong man has been bound. I telling you that's what's going on. I went through this Hell to come out on the other side to shout and declare to all,"Live, Live, in Jesus' name. You don't have to divorce your spouse but you can let them go on a live the life they want and you be in peace. Just make sure you legally cover all bases so they can get anything because they will through it all away. Seperate  your self if you need to and if you aren't married to the crackhead-RUN don't cry RUNNNNNN for your life. Find someone and marry and stop selling yourself short and living in sin. You are taking on drama that ain't even yours. What's love got to do with it? Your love isn't enough to save yourself or anybody and it can't change a person. Only God's love is eternal and everlasting. Its' the only Love that can hold up to what life brings. Come out the pit and you will be suprised at how clean the blood of Jesus can make you. don't loose your soul over another person's problems.Stop enabling them and help them by helping yourself.  

Please feel free to email me because we have a common bond. We were once the victims but now by the mercies of God WE ARE THE VICTORS. WE are more than conquerors. Look in the mirror and see peace -the peace of God on your face and say," I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"  Let's L-I-V-E.
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
I have known my husband for 7 yrs. He is my best friend. One night he just didn't call, didn't come home. Took a long time to find out what he was up to. No admission till he was caught. Two rounds of rehab and two years of separation later, we reconciled around thanksgiving. Wednesday morning he left, took my car to accept a good job. Somehow he gained access to money. No call hasn't come home. Waiting to get the call to identify his body. God help me and my son get through this horrible tragedy. Steven I will miss you so. I love you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My husband is addicted to crack for the past 15 years and he just escaped rehab and has been missing for 7 weeks.  I don't know where he is getting money to use.  We have 4 beautiful children together.  Your b/f is definately using crack.  Sounds like a duplicate of my husband.  Believe me if there isn't children involved run.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm stuck in hell because of crack..I want the balls to take my life
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
You need to take care of you and your son right now.  That is not a safe environment for either one of you to be in.  Have you contacted your local Alanon?  They will be able to help you also.

If you could, go to the top of the page and there is a green box that says Post a Question, hit that and copy and paste your post you made.  That way others will see it and will respond as this is an old thread......sara
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My husband and I have been married a little over three years.  We have a little boy.  Up till 2 months ago, we have had a fairly decent marriage.  Other than my husband’s occasion temper getting out of control, we have gotten along.  My husband was a crack user years ago and had been clean for almost two years when I married him.  I knew NOTHING about drugs, so I assumed if he was clean that it was for good.  Not the case!!  My husband started smoking crack two months ago.  Our lives have literally fallen apart.  He won’t get help.  He, like other addicts, SAYS he wants help, but when it’s time for an appt with rehab or a counselor, he won’t go.  I have been patient.  For the safety of our son, I can’t stay with my husband while he is an addict.  He is now smoking the mess in our home and I am SO afraid of our two year old finding a crack rock.  I am so lost at this point, as to where to go from here.
Helpful - 0
498385 tn?1362449404
j34
I know the core of the disease of addiction is self centeredness! it wasnt untill i lost all and given up hope that i seriously searched out help. you have to help yourself first. Put boundries down and stick to them, I can say one thing since I am an addict is we will suck you dry and spit you out and still blame you for our bad behaviours!!.
I suggest al anon or nar anon whatever you hav access to , you are the one who needs to change the situation, he will never get better for you , your kids, or his job. the way to happiness is doing something yourself, leading by example and looking I mean REALLY looking at how his self, centered, selfish,scary behaviour s affecting you at your family , is it really what you want ,it isnt easy but in one of those programs I suggested you will find ppl who will guide you support you and care for you , that is what we do in 12 step programs I wish you all the best j34
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Learned of my husbands crack use just after he found out my father was dying. he has been in and out of NA using crack 1 day and back for the past 2 yrs.  He also was sexaully abused by his oldest brother as a kid.  His gay friend who got him into crack had him running around getting it for him and had been having affair with him.  I confronted husband about the use of crack may now be used for sexual confusing and acting out sexually with the friend so he needs to come out of denial and stop blaming crack.  He is seeking help since his NA sponsor was not equipped to deal with it. he was alone in this. but there is no hope to believe him as he may not be gay or bi. he wants the marriage to last.
Helpful - 0
352798 tn?1399298154
This is an old post, start a new one. Those people aren't here any more.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i read your comment as to rather he is smoking or sniffing.  To answer the question, he is smoking.  Trust me I have been there.  The staying out the excuses the attitude.  It makes U feel like you are walking on egg shells.  Losing the jobs, or in my case he quit good jobs.  Then he makes it seem like everything is your fault.  you try to do everything to please him.  His friends you are never going to meet cause he is afaid that they will tell you what is really going on. When looks sad and says nothing is wrong, he is feening for the drug.  He get mad when you ask if he uses crack cause he doesnt want you to think of him as less than a man. My husband cooks and cleans like it nobodys business.  Yes, he cheats.  The excuse I got is that this girl is his "Buddy".  Next thing I know I get a 14 page letter she sent when she was locked up. He had a Cadillac, that got repoed and he rode around with these prostitutes and lied and said he never been with any of them.  LIES, LIES LIES.  Everything you described I can relate to.  Craack is no joke.  They will do any and everything to get it. Pray real hard.  Pray hard. May God bless.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i read your comment as to rather he is smoking or sniffing.  To answer the question, he is smoking.  Trust me I have been there.  The staying out the excuses the attitude.  It makes U feel like you are walking on egg shells.  Losing the jobs, or in my case he quit good jobs.  Then he makes it seem like everything is your fault.  you try to do everything to please him.  His friends you are never going to meet cause he is afaid that they will tell you what is really going on. When looks sad and says nothing is wrong, he is feening for the drug.  He get mad when you ask if he uses crack cause he doesnt want you to think of him as less than a man. My husband cooks and cleans like it nobodys business.  Yes, he cheats.  The excuse I got is that this girl is his "Buddy".  Next thing I know I get a 14 page letter she sent when she was locked up. He had a Cadillac, that got repoed and he rode around with these prostitutes and lied and said he never been with any of them.  LIES, LIES LIES.  Everything you described I can relate to.  Craack is no joke.  They will do any and everything to get it. Pray real hard.  Pray hard. May God bless.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i read your comment as to rather he is smoking or sniffing.  To answer the question, he is smoking.  Trust me I have been there.  The staying out the excuses the attitude.  It makes U feel like you are walking on egg shells.  Losing the jobs, or in my case he quit good jobs.  Then he makes it seem like everything is your fault.  you try to do everything to please him.  His friends you are never going to meet cause he is afaid that they will tell you what is really going on. When looks sad and says nothing is wrong, he is feening for the drug.  He get mad when you ask if he uses crack cause he doesnt want you to think of him as less than a man. My husband cooks and cleans like it nobodys business.  Yes, he cheats.  The excuse I got is that this girl is his "Buddy".  Next thing I know I get a 14 page letter she sent when she was locked up. He had a Cadillac, that got repoed and he rode around with these prostitutes and lied and said he never been with any of them.  LIES, LIES LIES.  Everything you described I can relate to.  Craack is no joke.  They will do any and everything to get it. Pray real hard.  Pray hard. May God bless.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i read your comment as to rather he is smoking or sniffing.  To answer the question, he is smoking.  Trust me I have been there.  The staying out the excuses the attitude.  It makes U feel like you are walking on egg shells.  Losing the jobs, or in my case he quit good jobs.  Then he makes it seem like everything is your fault.  you try to do everything to please him.  His friends you are never going to meet cause he is afaid that they will tell you what is really going on. When looks sad and says nothing is wrong, he is feening for the drug.  He get mad when you ask if he uses crack cause he doesnt want you to think of him as less than a man. My husband cooks and cleans like it nobodys business.  Yes, he cheats.  The excuse I got is that this girl is his "Buddy".  Next thing I know I get a 14 page letter she sent when she was locked up. He had a Cadillac, that got repoed and he rode around with these prostitutes and lied and said he never been with any of them.  LIES, LIES LIES.  Everything you described I can relate to.  Craack is no joke.  They will do any and everything to get it. Pray real hard.  Pray hard. May God bless.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i read your comment as to rather he is smoking or sniffing.  To answer the question, he is smoking.  Trust me I have been there.  The staying out the excuses the attitude.  It makes U feel like you are walking on egg shells.  Losing the jobs, or in my case he quit good jobs.  Then he makes it seem like everything is your fault.  you try to do everything to please him.  His friends you are never going to meet cause he is afaid that they will tell you what is really going on. When looks sad and says nothing is wrong, he is feening for the drug.  He get mad when you ask if he uses crack cause he doesnt want you to think of him as less than a man. My husband cooks and cleans like it nobodys business.  Yes, he cheats.  The excuse I got is that this girl is his "Buddy".  Next thing I know I get a 14 page letter she sent when she was locked up. He had a Cadillac, that got repoed and he rode around with these prostitutes and lied and said he never been with any of them.  LIES, LIES LIES.  Everything you described I can relate to.  Craack is no joke.  They will do any and everything to get it. Pray real hard.  Pray hard. May God bless.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i read your comment as to rather he is smoking or sniffing.  To answer the question, he is smoking.  Trust me I have been there.  The staying out the excuses the attitude.  It makes U feel like you are walking on egg shells.  Losing the jobs, or in my case he quit good jobs.  Then he makes it seem like everything is your fault.  you try to do everything to please him.  His friends you are never going to meet cause he is afaid that they will tell you what is really going on. When looks sad and says nothing is wrong, he is feening for the drug.  He get mad when you ask if he uses crack cause he doesnt want you to think of him as less than a man. My husband cooks and cleans like it nobodys business.  Yes, he cheats.  The excuse I got is that this girl is his "Buddy".  Next thing I know I get a 14 page letter she sent when she was locked up. He had a Cadillac, that got repoed and he rode around with these prostitutes and lied and said he never been with any of them.  LIES, LIES LIES.  Everything you described I can relate to.  Craack is no joke.  They will do any and everything to get it. Pray real hard.  Pray hard. May God bless.
Helpful - 0
352798 tn?1399298154
Crash, this is an old post. Copy yours into a new one. You will get more answers that way.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am married and my husband is a crack head. We have been together 11 years and married for 6 years. He has been smoking crack for over 20 years.  We have been around and around with his habit.  I had him court ordered for treatment, but he is currently in jail.  We have done the jail thing the whole time we have been together. I have been lied to, cheated on, and of course he stole from me.  Now he wants me to bail him out after he left me one night to go be with his crack prostitute. I can relate to some of the comments that were posted.  You name it I have been there.  I just feel so dumb cause I want to give up but something wont let me.  The thing that hurt the most is the disrespect that I had to indure.  I have done everything known to help this man.  Now I need help.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
wow..your post hit home..HARD!! i have decided today to STOP living his life of addiction..i cannot save him anymore and i need to work on myself. i lost all self esteem and confidence from my situation. i need to free myself from this marriage. so i have decided to start going to nar-anon meetings and get some support...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you so much.  I will do that.  I will let you know what happens.  Do pray  for my family and GOD bless you for your time.
Helpful - 0
147172 tn?1226758178
It will help you know that you aren't alone.  It will help you understnad the disease more.  It will help you have a life even if those around you are using.  It will help you to detach so that their moods don't become your moods, so that you can stop trying to fix something you have no power to fix and so you can start living your life for oyu rather than living your life for the addict.
I will pray for you.......
Google al a non and find a meeting in your area.  You don't have to speak if you don't want to.  Go and listen.  It's worth a shot.  It's a fmaily disease and everyone in the addict's life is affected one way or another.    
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you for your help.  So AL A NON can help me with drug addiction in my family?  I said I never wanted to be like my mother and fight it everyday.  I could not help her.  It is great to know that I am not alone
Helpful - 0
147172 tn?1226758178
PLEASE try and attend an AL A NON meeting.  You can learn how to detach with love and live your life DESPITE what the addict (s) in your life are doing and despite whether they are active or not.  Stopping the physical use of a drug or alcohol is only the first part of recovery, the next part, the part that KEEPS someone sober not just clean is the part that is the hardest and the part that takes the most amount of physical and emotional energy.  That comes after the physical usage stops and since it's a family disease, if one gets better, you haev a better chance of others getting better as well.  If for nothing else, AL A NON can help you come to terms with the disease, understand it better and connect with parents and wives of addicts so you know that you're not alone.....
As an addict/alcoholic, daughter of an addict/alcoholic and wife of one, I know that it saved me.  I go to BOTH AA and AL A NON.  Now, I know that their problems are not and do not have to be MINE.  I have my own issues to deal with.
Helpful - 0
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