Cravings!!!!! How do I live sober?

[HopefulLisa]

Everyone says the first week is the worst and I got past that.... ********!!! Quitting cold turkey was cake compared to my emotional state now. I'm a month clean and I'm dying to use! wtf? Why now??? I keep saying I can just get high one night what's the big deal.... But then the voice inside me says don't do it! I feel like I'm a child learning how to live all over again! These ******* painkillers ruined my life!!! Ughhhh excuse my language please, I'm just having a really rough time and could use some advice :( will the cravings ever go away?????? I can't live like this... I'm going nuts! And not to mention I wish I never told my friends and family bc now they're scrutinizing me! I'm not doing anything and everyone is constantly look g at me saying "what are u on? U don't look right" it's so discouraging when I'm not taking anything! It's like they're just waiting for me to fail. How could I not look right when I'm sober?????? It really upsets me and then I think well if everyone is going to accuse me I might as well get high! But I'm not doing this for them I'm doing it for ME! Ughhh this just *****!

[gnarly_1]

HI LISA good to see you back its really helpful to your recovery to stick around this forum for 6mo or more you will learn a lot about recovery and why we say and do the things we do....as for your family scrutinizing you all thay have is your past to look back on TRUST IS EARNED
it will take some time and as addicts we want instant gratification ..'''we want it and we want it now''....we often fail to look at the train reck we have left behind us the lying cheating steeling just to name a few ....'''it not what you say but what you do that will bring people around''....
give it some time and start working a program so they see your trying to get well this is all part of recovery and as addicts we expect everything to be hunky dory the minite we quit eating the pills....it dont work that way addiction is a family deseies  it affects every member to a certain degree even if its just the parents having to spend more time dealing with your fall out and taking time away from the other kids....Lisa im an addict in recovery im also the father of an addict in recovery it littlely took yrs to brig her siblings around but now all is forgivin she is also 6yr clean and has 2 beautiful kids that know there loved by not only nana and grandpa but all there aunts and uncles I have 5 children give it some time....im sure your sick of hereing that line but time and God heal....I hope you walk out your recovery with us reading on this forum and you wont feel so alone a lot of us have been there and threw worst I wish you all the best in your recovery good luck and God bless.......Gnarly    

[HopefulLisa]

Thanks everyone! I'm staying strong... It's hard but soo worth it!!! I know I can do this the hard part is do I want it bad enough? This Is so difficult. I never thought I'd be in this situation. Meeting help but then sometimes they make me worse! Everyones so sad and telling their stories... I want to hear happy stories! I don't want to leave a meeting feeling like I want to pop a handful of pills. It's crazy. But all I can do is take it one day at a time and pray that soon enough I won't even think about this anymore...

[gnarly_1]

HI.....everybody will tell you getting clean is the ez part.....for starters you need to join some sort of support group  N/A is good as is A/A there are church based groups...'''celebration recovery' but you need human interaction to beat this thing I cannot over emphasis aftercare because its not the pills thats the problem its the very way we think as addicts our best thinking got us here.....it will take learning the skills and tools to stay clean your at the cross roads of your addiction you can ether go outside your comfort zone for help or risk relapse there are no grantees but ask any one on this forum with significante clean time and they will tell you they all work some form of program ....I wish you well in your recovery .....become pro/active in it and you will continue to be successful good luckand God bless......Gnarly      

[BlueOpiate]

So you have been clean a month if I understand correctly.  You are having some very bad cravings, enough to make you feel crazy?  Family is on your case, thinking maybe you used but you didn't, so that makes you even more nuts.  Feeling like this will never stop? I'm feeling the same way a little right now.  You feel your having a pretty rough day.  But, have you used?  Then it's one helluva a great day!

I'm 2 days off suboxone from a 14 day tapper/detox period.  I woke up this morning feeling a lot of anxiety and having some serious cravings.  Little sweaty, but maybe I'm sweaty because I'm obsessing about using, IDK?  Even had the same thought you did, maybe I could use just a day a week?  Then that same little voice in my head, which was hushed for a long time, said the same thing, "don't do it".  I'm a little shaky, not feeling the best, so I came on here and found your post.  Someone out there is feeling just like I am, and someone else is feeling just like you are.  We have everything to gain by staying clean and a whole lot to lose if we use.  This is the mind game drugs use to trick us.  I'm sure, as there was for me, a period after stopping where you kept saying, "I'm done, never again".  Those thoughts seem to get pushed aside when we are feeling this way.  But it was one, I, many others who have had those same thoughts.

You have done really great so far.  Just the fact you came on here to post means you would rather stay clean then use.  If being clean wasn't something you wanted, you wouldn't be here posting.  This is all part of the nasty game we played.  There is no easy way out of it, if there was, there would be no reason to quit.  The good news is you can do this, you have proved that already.  

[trailfleet]

Each step that you have taken shows that you want this for you. The addition did not start over night and it is not going to go away over night. It is sad that you have to go though this but hand in there. You are on the road to recovery. Get a group of people together that you can talk to day or night and use them for the dark moments. I use the one minute rule and it works for me. I tell myself when I want something I have to hold off for a minute. when the minute is done I tell myself the same thing again. Just a ideal. You can do it but please fill your life with activities so you are not sitting thinking about the want.

[BluCrystal]

That's right, you ARE doing it for YOU.  It's YOUR fight, no one else's.  You must hang tight, very tight, and maintain control of yourself to get past this.  It always gets worse before it gets better.  Here's how you help yourself:  make small goals: choose not to get high right now.  Choose to replace that with something else pleasing: a walk outside, a bowl of icecream, etc.  And evrey day that you stay sober, REWARD yourself with small things: a long warm bubble bath, a tasty snack, a good book.  Every day you stay sober makes you stronger!  And you encourage yourself by rewarding yourself for your successes.  Stay busy.  Keep snacks close by, and candy.  Drink plenty of water.  Do not look for approval anywhere but within yourself.  If it would help you, go to church.  And do not get overly worried if you happen to relapse.  Just STOP.  And resume your fight!  You have the willpower to beat this.  Use it!

[zeke1982]

Please dont be upset at your family. I was stupid enough to consider my 4 year suboxone timeframe "clean time" during which my mother constantly worried and nagged me, weather or not I was using again. People care about you thats why they ask and its hard to break free alone.

What you need is a hobby, something you will really enjoy doing that will occupy your time. Trust me, the cravings subside bigtime the longer you go clean. Working + having people around you helps and if you are unsure if you will relapse or not make sure you yourself dont have access to cash and / or a car to make sure you cant get your fix.