There is a lot of violence that comes with your partner's drugs of choice, and a lot of unsavory characters that can cause you problems. It is your job to deal with this as your children's protector. Loving him means little, it won't save you from the type of aggression that could be in store for your family if you allow him back. Also, if you do love him as much as you say you do, then you must not enable him anymore, and allowing him to abuse you in any way as it is indeed enabling him to use these drugs. There has to be consequences in an addicts life. If you want him to recognize you as a good and loving mother, then you must be a good and loving mother. It was suggested that you go to Al Anon and learn how others, family, friends, and spouses of addicts manage to do the right things during these volatile times. You can get involved on line for a start, and then try to get to meetings so that you can make real friends that will be there for you. You need to learn not to be co-dependent, so that your children will not grow to be co-dependent by your example. You don't want this lifestyle for your children, right? Then you must do the right thing, by them. You will be rewarded for your efforts, though in the beginning it will seem hard to do. You can do this dear, please keep posting about how you're feeling, and what you're doing to help yourself and your children. We care, and you're not alone. Many of us have gone through what you're going through.
Of coarse you love him! He is making a huge mistake right now but that doesn't make him a bad person or unlovable! Loving him is the easy part! Staying with him would be the hardest thing you have ever done! You have to let him go! He has to love himself more than the drugs! Your job as a mother is to protect your children first and foremost! They can't make the decision to leave so you have to! He is not in his right mind right now and is already blaming you and yelling at you in front of your kids. It can only get worse from here. If you really want to help him then be strong enough to let him go hit rock bottom! Please be careful because he will try to come back when he runs out of money or has no where to stay! Don't let him back until he is clean and don't let him blame you anymore! My heart goes out to you! I know what it feels like to love someone who only hurts you! Please show your kids how much they mean to you by walking away and putting them first! It's ok to worry and cry for him! It's not ok to allow him to treat you that way any longer!
yes laurel ya done good kid! Maybe tell her again Run run run. To the nearest closest dearest relative or friend---quick quick quick. when safe post back---you are not Safe---go GO! omhome yes laurel yes
I say good riddance! If he is going to blame his addiction on you then you and your kids are better off without him! I agree with Teresa that you have to care about your kids and yourself more than his selfish butt! Try going to a meeting for family members of loved ones with addiction or alcohol problems. You'd be surprised how many people are I. Your situation and they can help you get through this without him dragging you down. I would change the locks and tell him to come back when he is ready to grow up and quit blaming everyone but himself for his addiction! Good luck sweetie, sounds like you' ll need it. I'll keep you in my prayers!
Do you have family near you who could support you through this? I know how difficult this must be. But it is best that he's not there around you or your kids. Of course you still love him, you fell in love with him for a reason. Only things have changed now. He's an addict and he's going to choose drugs over everything else as that's what addicts do. He needs help. But HE has to want that help and nothing you say or do will force him to get clean until HE wants it.
I hope you have a strong support system around you (family, friends). It will help.
In this case you need to love YOURSELF and your CHILDREN more than him because staying with him now, is no good for you! Like I said last night, He has chosen for now anyways, Crack and Heroin and not you guys. So you really need to think about that and try to save you and your kids from this kind of unhappy like yur living.
You have to love your children more. You do not want them exposed to him or the fighting any longer.
He has serious issues and will only get help when he is ready. Don't listen to his lies anymore. He is gone now and you need to concentrate on repairing the damage that has been done to your children.
I know it's hard as you say you love him but he has chosen drugs right now.
You can't let your chlldren be around him any longer. I hope he is ok too.
well he went last night with every thing he had in my house i KNOW its 4 the best for me and my kids. 4 every 1 that dont no he is crack and heron and no the kids are not his. he was clean 4 3 years and then i looked on his phone and see a tex to meet a dealer for drugs and when i said about this to him he never lied and that was about 6 weeks ago and last night was when we had a row and i said go and he did he has been GONE about 12 hours ago i dontno were he is his phone is brack so it is off even after all this mad ness I DO STILL LOVE HIM i just hope he is ok......
Well said Girl!! Well said!
You have to leave for you and your babies! I am an addict and I love my kids. I would never yell at them or in front of them and would never place the blame on someone else! If he doesn't want help then you can't help him! You must save yourself and your children. I understand that you love him but you have to love you more and if you don't then please love your babies more! They don't deserve to see any of that! Maybe you leaving with the kids will be the rock bottom that he needs! Trust me when I say again, you can't save him, you didn't cause this and you can't fix it! I will be praying for you!
well i understood what you were saying. he seems to be very violent towards you right now either because he is needing drugs or is high off of them. you need to call the cops and have him removed from the home. if you are not willing to do this, leave if you can. it's better if you remove yourself from this situation before it gets worse. take your babies and go. is there anyone who can come help you? family member?? brother, friend?? this could escalate if it already hasn't. i for one hope you are safe and okay by now.
You need to leave him. Plan and simple. I know you love him but he is putting you and your children in danger. Not only that its a complete toxic, unhealthy relationship. Ask yourself this, does he make you happy, ever? Does he love you? Honey, get your kids and get out or change the locks. He is no good. He has to be healthy for healthy relationship and if he is not willing to get well, then sorry. Not worth your kids.
I think she's still having trouble figuring out how to navigate this site.
I believe its Crack he is on. I think i read that in 1 of her other posts
Hun what's he taking , are the 3 kids his, Is this a temporary relapse or does he have long history of drugs. Why's he on them, did he have surgery and get them. Let us know. I don't wanna tear up a family, we just need more info.... Then if its worth it, Support him getting clean, .please tell us. More. I myself it's the first time I was addicted, so I'm done, won't seek drugs even if I have surgery, I fear them. So is he perscribed them or buying from the streets. E are here for you. Xoxox I'm so sorry. I know easier said than done, if a man works and supports a family. Talk to us more..... Hugs sharleen. We will listen and help best we can.
Ok I see you've made 5 posts about the same thing. I'm thinking you might need the help in over coming this. There are people that can help but if
You have 3 kids I'm very concerned.
Leave him. Plain and simple
Why deal with it?
Thanks for taking the caps off
If you can't do it for yourself then do it for your children--walk away. No one deserves to be treated that way. You are NOT to blame. He is looking to blame someone to have an excuse. Don't let me do this to you.
OK (thanks vicki). I'm relieved to hear he has left.
if he is going to keep using, the best for you and your children is to be far from him, Sharleen.. Sorry that you are suffering because of his addiction but trust me, it is the best if he is gone. He has to want to be clean, you are not the cause he uses, don't let him make you believe his lies. Take care of you and your children now and all the best for you, be strong !
Well, My only advice I can give is you need to seek some type of counseling to fingure out why you stay. Its obvious he has made his choice so you need to as well! IMO
I dont know what more I can say except I wish you the best of luck!