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Avatar universal

Dating Oxycontin IV User

OK guys I need some advice.  I am dating someone that IV's oxycontin.  It scares me quite a bit.  I am the only person he has told and feel a certain sick pride in that.  Sometimes I think I should cut it loose but, I guess the question is, do you think I am helping him by being there and being someone he can be honest with, or is it just doomed to failure and am I wasting time on someone that will end up hurting me in some way or another?

By the way, he buys them illegally, so no prescription.  Takes 1 or 2 a day-highest dose possible.
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271792 tn?1334979657
RUN! RUN LIKE THE WIND! If you are not fully committed in this relationship (even if you are) and you are not sure you are in love then get out. It will not get better. It will, in fact, get worse. He will progress in his active addiction and I hate to see what will transpire. He needs to want to get clean and he is not there yet. He has a long road ahead of him and no one should start out a relationship under these circumstances.

I too live with chronic pain and I can tell you that all of the pain medication I have been prescribed over the years, not once did it say on the bottle "snort every 6 hours if need for pain". That should tell you something right there.

Best of luck to you hun. Let us know how you are doing.
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Avatar universal
Wow sorry that you went through all of this. How are you doing now? I met a guy and have been dating him for 3os who's also addicting to oxy codone pills. I think he snorts them.. I too care about him. Don't know that I love him just yet but feel that his drug addiction is in the way of going further and becoming closer. Same thing we see each other and will spend time together during day of evening. Then I won't hear from him for hours and hours he just disappears. He had a back injury and told me about it recently and says he takes the Oxy for pain. Also takes clonazapen and I think Vicodin? Or done other med. Its getting fustrating. I need to cut from this relationship. I wish he was ready to move on from the drugs and get help but who knows if he ever will. Not much of a future to look forward to. We've never spike about his addiction and acts as though everything is just fine, accept for the horrible side effects and symptoms that oxy puts him through. Fatigue, digestive issues, cramping, itchiness, sweats, headaches, decreases sexual drive which seems to be getting worse, mood swings, probably depression but I don't see that(when I don't hear from him) large amount of time spent at home alone or with friends I've never met. The list goes on. I really care for him. But the person who I'm dating I don't even actually know. I only know him on drugs that's what scares me. Anyways good luck to all. I hope and wish you all a happy ending whether you stay with the person or end up leaving. Take care and best wishes.
Someone who understands ;)
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Avatar universal
Well guys after all of that happened.  I had not heard from him, and I texted him to make sure he was alive?  A friend had his phone and said that he went to rehab.  He read me a letter that he wrote to me on his way.  Telling me how much he loved me, and that he didn't want to keep being the same kind of person.  It was a pretty damn heartwrenching letter.  He has been there for a week and has access to a phone tonight.  So we shall see if he calls me.

Nice guy is still in the mix.  Not sure where all of this is going?  I gotta say that hearing that letter sure threw me for a loop.  I hate that I have so many feelings for someone that has the potential to hurt me so much.  

I really never figured he would go to rehab.  Honestly, I am not at all convinced he is really there.  Until I can visit him and see it for myself I still don't. I feel mean being so skeptical of him.  I just know I am on the defense now!
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662972 tn?1270166301
I am happy to hear that you meet a really nice guy and that you didn't get took for your money you don't deserve that. Hopefully he will get the help he needs. YOu need to move on and be happy. (not being mean but you don't deserve all that ****) and you did try your best did a lot more than most.
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942290 tn?1252618549
sad, very sad.

maybe one of these days he will get serious.

needless to say hes now comming off as a future satistic, I am sorry to say.....
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Avatar universal
OK Guys well here is how things went down.  He got all serious and started telling me that he loved me and stuff.  Then he said he wanted to get help!  Well then he asked me to give him  ride to a friends house-Guess what that was?  He bailed on me in a bad area with no cell phone, and running out of gas.

No call til the next day!  Then he said he got beat up, and that his drug dealers said I helped them get to him.  I don't even know them!  Then he said he wanted to go into rehab and needed help paying for the meds and food while he was inpatient.

I asked for the name of the place.  He said I could fill out a money order and that I could look them up in the phone book to verify their existence.  I did, except that I called them too and guess what they only service people under 18.  My guess is that he knows someone who works there. So he was totally trying to get $150 out of me.  When I texted him and asked for an address of where I could go and a contact name to speak with he stopped calling me.  I have not heard from him since yesterday.

So as for sticking it out-I tried!  I wanted to at least be his friend and help, but in the end he tried to screw me out of money.  Thankfully (because of your advice), I knew what to look out for and avoided it.

As for the other guy-Very nice, I had a great date and I am glad I went. So I will continue with the nice guy and I guess I have no choice but to give up on the other.  I texted him and told him that if he wanted to be honest with me, and get help that I would be there for him.  So in the end I suppose the story ended fairly typically-Sad Though!
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Avatar universal
hmmmm....

You said you are going to stick it out with him.....but you are going on a date with another guy?  

Not judging....just thought that was funny.

You know- I'm sure you have heard the saying...."you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make him drink".  Well...it holds true in your situation.  You cannot help someone who is not ready to help himself.  If you are sure about "sticking it out with him" then I would be relentless in your damands that he get help.  I'm not so sure he realizes how close he is to losing you.
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Avatar universal
Well let's see.  He started on his own Methadone Program. Illegally of course.  Then he ran out day before yesterday and went right back to Oxy.  He moved and is now living closer to me, so we have seen a bit more of each other. He was doing better with the Methadone at least not having to get money daily for his habit and none of the mood swings and such..  I dunno he refuses to go to the doctor and get on a set program.  He sounded awful yesterday in the worst of it.  Crying on and off all day.  He would not even talk to me on the phone only text cause he was such a mess.  Very sad!

I have decided to stick it out with him (at much as I can), but when he is going through this, I kind of back off for fear of him asking me for money.  I will have to deny him and it would make me feel awful to have him ask and to have to say no.  His new place is awful, uggghhh I did not go inside but the Outside is decrepit, I can only imagine what it looks like inside.  It breaks my heart thinking of him living in that kind of squalor.

In the meantime, I got asked out on a date by a guy that is opposite in every way.  I have decided to go. I feel like I cannot stop looking for what I need.  I do feel a bit guilty though?
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Avatar universal
I agree that I am number two.  I did not take offense and appreciate your concern for my well being.  I guess I am walking a very thin line here.  So you decided to get married while you were still using.  So your fiance was with you when you were actively using?

You said yourself that if not for love you would not have quit.  How then does someone know they are loved if you run like hell.  I do not contribute money to his problem.  I do not involve myself in any of his dealings.  I offer him an ear and a heart.  He has never stolen from me, been abusive in any way and has certainly been caring and non-judgemental within the confines of our relationship.

I cannot defend his actions, and I certainly want him to quit.  I have boundaries that if crossed will result in our relationship ending on every level.  I do think that there is a possibility of my being hurt-probably more than just a possbility.
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Avatar universal
He runs his own business.  No he does not just come around at night for sex.  Holy **** I am not that pathetic!  We do not live together though.

He calls to see me, we hang out for the day or evening and stuff.  Actually, I would say it is less sex than I would like.  I lord did I just admit over the internet that I am horny all the time?  lol

The benefits of being in my late thirties!

As for the Methadone.  He has quit before under a doctors supervision.  So I guess he thinks he is not flying blind.  Not sure if this is just maintenance or if he is planning to taper off?
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942290 tn?1252618549
ah........thats not a good idea. people that sometimes start taking methadone,that dont understand how it works, may end up od'ing. its a very strong opioid that should be studied well before taking. many people have died by suddenly trying methadone off the street.

he better watch out. he needs to see a doc...........or make a serious decision to get off the opioids with out  using some ones methadone script. hes better off going tapering or going ct. or better yet SEE A DOC !!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Ok well there has been some progress.  He bought someone's methadone prescription.  Not sure if it is good or bad but he said he is gonna try and get out of the daily cycle of gettin' the oxy's and what not.  Plus no shooting so that is good.

We spent a little time together last night.  He seemed a little more connected.  I plan on staying his friend.  As for dating, I dunno if he continues with some progress forward then I won't blow him off.  If he goes back to oxy's then it will be dead in the water.  Strangely, I never asked him to quit, I just asked him what his plans for his life were and let him talk.  

I am aggressive in my questioning of him.  I ask everything that I want to know.  No holds barred.  He get's uncomfortable sometimes but he still answers.  He knows how seriously I take my life, and I try to be a good example of how a person should act.  

We'll see-so I would ask that you all keep him in your prayers.   He sure needs them!
Helpful - 0
79998 tn?1291184601
Well if you yourself don't think you are strong enough to help him then you shouldn't.  I know if it were me i would but that's because I'm a very assertive/aggressive person so I'm very stern with people I care about for their own sake.  You should try this approach and see if it works first if not, then maybe you should move on.  But don't give up yet...be a friend at least.  You don't have to date him....in fact I don't think you should but being a friend, I see no reason why not.  You can help him in that way.  You really have to learn to be stern and assertive with him though if you want him to change.  Don't take his excuses...make him feel guilty, mess with his mind a little so he truly feels like a douche for doing what he is doing.  Tough love like I said buddy.  No one is truly numbed out on drugs enough not to care...trust me I know.  There is always love in a person even when it seems like there isn't.  
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Avatar universal
Run like hell.
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Avatar universal
I asked him last night to come clean with me about some stuff and he did.  Seems like if I ask him a direct question he tells me the truth.  He has never asked to move in with me, as a matter of fact basically told me he wouldn't unless he knew he was in love with me.  It's weird to me that someone has that much forethought, and is totally drugged out?  Uggghhh life is nothing if not confusing..............
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Avatar universal
Wow totally different perspective there.  I don't dissagree. I do feel like leaving him and not being there for him is not right but I struggle wondering if by being there I am really helping him?  Seems like so many people say that they could give a **** less about the people that care about them when they are using.  There are things that bother me, like him being secretive, and dissapearing and **** but overall he always seems like he cares about me and what's going on in my life.

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79998 tn?1291184601
I unlike other people don't think you need to get out of his life.  If you do, I fear that the only person that is there for him will be gone and he will just be depressed and do something stupid.  You should still be his friend.  I think it's selfish to just look out for your own safety...you are sober and you are stronger than that and people like him need someone strong.  According to my morals and values, I don't understand how someone could just say leave him for your own safety.  If I were to leave my girl for my own safety because she was doing something bad...I would feel like a bad person.  Be there for him please.  If not for him for your own self of morals.  I'm not preaching God here or anything, I'm just preaching being a good human being.  You should simply change one thing...BE STERN WITH HIM.  Being nice about telling someone to stop won't work.  In fact, in a certain part of Russia there is a rehab program that has a 99% success rate...they simply get the person that is addicted, lock them up make them go cold turkey and beat them every day so when they get off and are totally sober...the idea of being beaten up conditions them not to do opiates and boy does it work.  You need to have some tough love.  Threaten to call the police or something...anything that will scare him into wanting to change.  Tell him he's a ***** or something for making excuses becuase he is a man that should be there playing the role of protecting and being strong for his woman...not the other way around.  He is a coward...but you need to make him feel bad about it and be there for him.  As a good person, I'm telling you this.  I wouldn't feel like quitting myself if it wasn't for the people I love and if they were gone...I would be a thousand times more inclined to use drugs.  That's a fact.  
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Avatar universal
OK guys,
I saw him on my birthday...  we had a great day and then he fell asleep on the couch and I was in my room on the phone so I wouldn't disturb him, and low and behold I walk into the living room and he was gone!!!  Vanished! Poof! Straight Dissapeared!

When I texted him he said he had an emergency of the most serious kind..  Something that if he is lying about would make him the most dispicable kind of person. His phone is due to be turned off in the next day or two, so lord knows if I will ever see him again?

Weird huh?  Made a point to see me, be awesome and then bam.  Any of you care to venture a guess.  By the way he had **** with him so he wasn't cringin' or anything....  I'll tell ya the only thing that fits is that there really was an emergency and he lost it, or he lost it a long time ago and is a straight nutburger!!!!!!
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Avatar universal
It goes against my better judgement to have someone in my life with these issues, even as a friend.  I feel like the longer I stay involved on any level the more I will care, and the more I care the more potential damage.  I still feel like he is a worthwhile person, and don't think just writing someone off because of their issues is my first choice but jeez it seems like such a fragile balancing act to keep him, my sanity and my kid's safety all in balance.  Do I really want to work that hard for someone that may or may not want to work that hard too?
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Avatar universal
honestly i cant answer that thts up to u to find the answer out for urself, either way i thnk the route u took was a very good way to do it and not threating just nice way to show u care and are there and willing to talk and so on, so i really liked way u handled that situation. so what do u feel like u should do cuz only u can tell ya kno.
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Avatar universal
OK personal question-around 4 months.  I agree by the way that no one is above resorting to getting their needs met however they can (Heroin).  Just relating what he has told me.  

I spoke to him last night by the way.  Asked him if he liked his life.  He said no?  Asked him if he wanted to change it and he said yes.  I didn't ask him to stop or anything, I just wondered how he felt about what he does, and the lifestyle that goes along with it.

I feel like just talking to him and asking about his feelings is probably a better route than making any demands on him?  I know that I cannot involve myself with his lifestyle, but god help me I still want to be there for him too.  Does that seem naive to believe that having a friendship that is honest can help him, or is that just my needs getting in the way of cutting him lose and being smart?
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Avatar universal
and one last thng if u dont mind me asking a kinda personal Qs im curious as to how long u two have been dating if u wouldnt mind.
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Avatar universal
well thts good, but trust like i said i dont kjno this man but ive heard and seen many people say they wounjdt do heroin and this and that and well lets just say many many people who say tht they would never touch the stuff when it come down to it when ur hurting really bad and thts all there is sometimes all it takes is one moment of weakness for his and ur sake im hoping it never happans but just reconize tht many times it can and does. even to very strong successful good people just get caught up in it. happy b-day
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Avatar universal
Thanks for the Birthday wishes, I believe I will spend it reading Co Dependent no more, and women who love too much and the Alanon book and maybe some chicken soup for the soul and any other self help tome I can get my hands on.  There should be a book called women who love men who love oxies, lol.......

Well at least I have my sanity and sense of humor to get me through being along on my 37th b day....  uuuuugggggghhhhh almost forty and still making classic blunders!  I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!!!!
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