Dating a Crack Addict

[truth_hurts]

Here goes my issue: Started dating a man 2 yrs ago, he moved in with me 2mths into the relationship then he disappeared for 2 days soon after. When I spoke to his mom, she said he dropped his things off there and left to binge, saying that I was nagging him too much. I finally tracked him down at a drug infested hotel where his brother sells crack ( i later found out his brother supported my boyfriends crack habit for over 13yrs). He came back home with me that night, never explaining why he left. He found a stable job after this happened but became frustrated at the hard work and quit. Basically this has been the pattern ELEVEN TIMES since 2010: Negative moods, work a little, quit, negative moods again, threaten to move with his mother, disappear for days on crack, destroy my character to his family, beg to come back home and tell me i'm a good woman. Then I spend time consoling him and getting his weight back up. He quit his 5th job and left yesterday on another binge, took every thing in a cab to his mom's once again. I see his potential but is this a lost cause? Should I tell him to stay gone this time? What if he can change?

[akitagurl12]

Hi,
It would be bad enough if drug addiction only hurt the addict...but most of the time it hurts the ones who love the addict just as much, if not more, because they need to go watch the insanity sober.  I know how hard it is to let go of someone who is an addict, but there really is nothing you can do to help him....besides letting him go.  You deserve so much more then that.  

[truth_hurts]

Its has affected me alot, I can't trust anymore. The physical attraction has gone. Its taking a toll on me mentally

[truth_hurts]

Thanks for the comment, they are sooo helpful

[samari]

I agree with u pat, change those locks, not only is he ******* up his brain, he's ****** up your with mental abuse, making u feel bad and depicting u as a bad a bad person to his fam. Let it go babe, let it. I have crack heads in my fam...and from my experiences they always go back ...ALWAYS......JS. Hope things get better for u honey :-D

[Pat1956100]

Oh sweety, you need to change the locks and move on with your life.  Crack is a very serious addiction and it makes people do things they would never dream of doing.  I feel so badly for you and yes the truth does hurt.

[truth_hurts]

Thank You. Yes it is very draining and stressful. I have a good heart but it feels as though he knows this and is taking my kindness for weakness

[CATUF]

you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.

i suggest that your best and only chance of saving this relationship rests in you paying attention to how his addiction affects you, and restoring yourself to mental, emotional and spiritual health.  check out al-anon.  i know many people who say it literally saved their lives.

as to your boyfriend, the odds are that he will not make it.  nothing against him, it's just statistics . . . something less than 20% of bona fide crack heads ever make it into sustained recovery.  the other 80%+ follow addiction to the only other ends . . . jails, institutions and death.

i'm a recovering crack addict myself and i know how very close i came to not making it out of that black hole.  it's really tough to escape from the pull of crack -- it's just a different animal.  it takes a lot of work to make it into sustained recovery and then steady attention to recovery to stay there.

take care of yourself.  it's the best and only way to help him.

CATUF
2566

[Sonrissa]

Hi truth! Yes, he can change, but he has to want to change more than anything else! It certainly doesn't sound like he wants to at this point!  I'm so very sorry that you are going through this! You say you have been through this 11 times since 2010! YIKES! The question is not can he change, but do you really want to live your life like this anymore? Only you can decide that! It sounds like you have been supportive and put up with a lot! I would not have the strength or want to continue! You need a life too! Anyway, I wish you'd all the best! Good luck!!