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Day 1... Again
So this is my story. I've been hooked on Norcos (the yellow ones) 10/325 for four years. Before that i was just taking normal vicidoin. Anyhow I've not gone longer than two weeks without these yellow devils. I went as far as to start on methadone. I actually walked into the clinic last week and had them draw blood. And then decided I could do this on my own. I don't want to be on methadone. It scares me how hard it seems to be for people to get off that. So I walked out of the clinic with bandages on where they drew blood and came home and found this forum. I cried. I felt like wow there really are people like me that struggle with this very single day. And I read on this forum how strong people are and that it really can be done.
So from the day I walked into the clinic, I was clean for 8 days on my own and was actually doing pretty good. Then I got that text saying yellow candies were available. I initially told her no, I'll pass. Then caved and bought 35 from her. So I took all 35 pills within two days. I usually take 12-15 per day. So my weekly cash runs about $300'a week on these suckers. I realize I could be a rich girl if I didn't spend my hard earned money on this crap! So I'm doing things different this time. I'm going to delete my contacts. I'm going to block those contacts on my iPhone so that I won't even know when she calls or texts me. It's the only way I can do this for good.
I have shared this secret addiction with my brother. He has been down this road and is totally supportive. I called and told him I caved. He said that's ok. You can do it. You had 8 clean days and next time go for 10...and to be proud of each day. So I'm pledging to seek aftercare and really be serious about this.
Yesterday I took the last three norcos. That was at 9:45. So now it's a day later and it's 11:05 am. Got a full 24 hours behind me! I took 3 Zantac and 30 Immodiumm and I have no withdrawals. I take this combination every other day for a week and lessening it each time. So I don't ever deal with physical withdrawals. The hardest part is the cravings. I can't seem to get over wanting that warm fuzzy feeling. And yet even if I had them now, I can't seem to catch that high anymore so why bother????
It's such a vicious cycle and one I'm tired of being on. I do want my life back. I want that extra cash in my pockets. I want to wake up and not worry about how ill get more pills and how long they'll last. I'm just like everyone else here. And I see some really strong people. I want to be one of these strong people too!
Thanks for letting me vent and share my story! I'm 40 years old. Married and a mom of three teenagers. I have a super life and no real reason why I started taking this yellow devils. I just loved how they made me feel. No it's like a sad story ending but it's time to move on and start a new chapter in my life without this little devils!
So from the day I walked into the clinic, I was clean for 8 days on my own and was actually doing pretty good. Then I got that text saying yellow candies were available. I initially told her no, I'll pass. Then caved and bought 35 from her. So I took all 35 pills within two days. I usually take 12-15 per day. So my weekly cash runs about $300'a week on these suckers. I realize I could be a rich girl if I didn't spend my hard earned money on this crap! So I'm doing things different this time. I'm going to delete my contacts. I'm going to block those contacts on my iPhone so that I won't even know when she calls or texts me. It's the only way I can do this for good.
I have shared this secret addiction with my brother. He has been down this road and is totally supportive. I called and told him I caved. He said that's ok. You can do it. You had 8 clean days and next time go for 10...and to be proud of each day. So I'm pledging to seek aftercare and really be serious about this.
Yesterday I took the last three norcos. That was at 9:45. So now it's a day later and it's 11:05 am. Got a full 24 hours behind me! I took 3 Zantac and 30 Immodiumm and I have no withdrawals. I take this combination every other day for a week and lessening it each time. So I don't ever deal with physical withdrawals. The hardest part is the cravings. I can't seem to get over wanting that warm fuzzy feeling. And yet even if I had them now, I can't seem to catch that high anymore so why bother????
It's such a vicious cycle and one I'm tired of being on. I do want my life back. I want that extra cash in my pockets. I want to wake up and not worry about how ill get more pills and how long they'll last. I'm just like everyone else here. And I see some really strong people. I want to be one of these strong people too!
Thanks for letting me vent and share my story! I'm 40 years old. Married and a mom of three teenagers. I have a super life and no real reason why I started taking this yellow devils. I just loved how they made me feel. No it's like a sad story ending but it's time to move on and start a new chapter in my life without this little devils!
Hi welcome to the forum where glad you found us and are ready to start a new life....I read your post and see you are taking way to much Imodium it will not help withdrawals they do not cross the blood berrior in the brain so your getting a placebo to stop the withdrawals for some the symptoms are mild others sever you sound liker your in the mild category just know on a high dose like yours it may take a day or 2 to hit you this is 1/3 phyical and 2/3 mental so be ready to fight on both fronts stock up on gateraid and light foods you seam to have things under control so far but it is imperative that you stay hydrated as for the symptoms if you get restless legs or feel like your skin is crawling try a hot soak with epsom salt it will help also rent some movies to keep yourself bussy most of us dont sleep keep posting for support we all want to see you get clean............Gnarly.........................
Aw man its so is the boredom!!Even though we work and do daily task's.Its like your overcum wit such an emotion of look'n and want'n that fuzzy feeling.I soo compell to you with that.I was 6day's clean and goosed everyting up yest.But your a very determined lady and you are doing incredible.It really is 1 day at a time.And well dun. XJ
Yellow candy girl ya gotta block those folks like you did. Read my thread lol looks like we are in exactly the same
Boat. I had a lovely life and we would be on a big vacay right now if I didn't spend all our money. I had my family take my access to all funds away. I don't go anywhere alone except to NA meetings. Which I'm discovering are vital to me. So I can't get money. I don't go anywhere alone. I want to be done who this so bad. And I can assure after the **** I've been thru this week no little pill is gonna make be go thru all this again.
Boat. I had a lovely life and we would be on a big vacay right now if I didn't spend all our money. I had my family take my access to all funds away. I don't go anywhere alone except to NA meetings. Which I'm discovering are vital to me. So I can't get money. I don't go anywhere alone. I want to be done who this so bad. And I can assure after the **** I've been thru this week no little pill is gonna make be go thru all this again.
Good to see you posting honey. Good to see you came back and you are going to get strong in this fight and you are going to go forward one day at a time.
You got great comments above. I suggest that you contact MedHelp and ask to change your name--NOT create another account but do a name change. They have the ability to do that. Yellowcandygirl is who you WERE==not who are GOING TO BE.
Aftercare is a good idea. It is the only thing that has worked for me and it literally saved my life. Yes, it is great to come on the internet and talk with people who just like you but there is nothing like that feeling of being hugged by someone who also understands you. Counseling, therapy, NA meetings. Whatever you choose to help you. Here is the link to NA meetings. Type in your information and you will get a list. You are lucky to be in CA, there are many meetings there. Besides, that is where NA was founded by Jimmy Kinnon in 1953..so that is cool.
http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/
Please hang in there. Put one foot in front of the other and walk the walk. Fake it 'til you make it!!!!!!
You got great comments above. I suggest that you contact MedHelp and ask to change your name--NOT create another account but do a name change. They have the ability to do that. Yellowcandygirl is who you WERE==not who are GOING TO BE.
Aftercare is a good idea. It is the only thing that has worked for me and it literally saved my life. Yes, it is great to come on the internet and talk with people who just like you but there is nothing like that feeling of being hugged by someone who also understands you. Counseling, therapy, NA meetings. Whatever you choose to help you. Here is the link to NA meetings. Type in your information and you will get a list. You are lucky to be in CA, there are many meetings there. Besides, that is where NA was founded by Jimmy Kinnon in 1953..so that is cool.
http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/
Please hang in there. Put one foot in front of the other and walk the walk. Fake it 'til you make it!!!!!!
Hi! Thanks for sharing and reading my post. I started with low dose Vicodin and then moved up to 10/325 norcos. I never thought Vicodin was any different it's just how I got started. So for me, even tough I get Rx for the Vicodin, I get the norcos elsewhere and pay for those. My DOC is Norcos. I don't know if you read, but I had actually went to a methadone clinic and then decided I could do this on my own
I'm married. Have never told my husband. I only shared this with my brother because he has walked this path before. The money situation has been easy to hide. I work as a food server. So I keep all my tips and deposit my paycheck. So my husband never has questioned it.
I've done a local search and will start going to an meetings next week. I know at some point I will confess to my husband but for now I just need to do this for me and with the help of you guys and other after care available.
The funny thing is, I used to just get high. The high is no longer there for me. It just takes too much to try and get that warm fuzzy feeling. I want to have money to spend on other things and I'm tired of all the running around to pick them up. Tired of the entire cycle. And by blocking my contacts that's huge but you are correct -- I need to tell my contacts that I no longer want their calls. It's too easy to fall back down the hole.
So today I feel great. I'm trying to start a new book, go to a concert in the park with my family and just not think of it. It's the boredom that gets me and just the general craving of it. I know this is the hard part but you guys have proven it can be done! :)
Thank you for letting me vent to you!
J
I'm married. Have never told my husband. I only shared this with my brother because he has walked this path before. The money situation has been easy to hide. I work as a food server. So I keep all my tips and deposit my paycheck. So my husband never has questioned it.
I've done a local search and will start going to an meetings next week. I know at some point I will confess to my husband but for now I just need to do this for me and with the help of you guys and other after care available.
The funny thing is, I used to just get high. The high is no longer there for me. It just takes too much to try and get that warm fuzzy feeling. I want to have money to spend on other things and I'm tired of all the running around to pick them up. Tired of the entire cycle. And by blocking my contacts that's huge but you are correct -- I need to tell my contacts that I no longer want their calls. It's too easy to fall back down the hole.
So today I feel great. I'm trying to start a new book, go to a concert in the park with my family and just not think of it. It's the boredom that gets me and just the general craving of it. I know this is the hard part but you guys have proven it can be done! :)
Thank you for letting me vent to you!
J
Congrats on Day 1....that's the only day that matters.....TODAY....not using.
The most important thing we can do is learn from our relapses and be open to putting preventative roadblocks in place so we don't relapse again.
One thing that caught my eye is that you believe Vicodin is somehow "better" than Norco? Not sure if I read that right, but just in case you didn't know, they are BOTH the same drug.....hydrocodone. The only difference is the amount of acetaminophen (Tylenol) in them.
It's a grand idea to block your drug connects phone # to ensure you don't even see the incoming "offers"....but it would be even better to tell your connections that you are DONE......and ask them not to contact you any longer. I blew thru my own script, my hubby's script and still went to the street at my very worst.....but I made sure my street connect KNEW I was done when I committed to quitting. I also told my dr....both were important and have proved invaluable to my staying clean.
The sharing of your secret with your brother is a good thing, but what about your husband? Is he aware you are addicted to hydros? Just wondering what that situation is for you as he surely must be aware of something going on.....the disappearing $ and all that, huh? One of the purposes of sharing our secret is to have accountability....so we don't use behind our secret.....if you don't live with your brother, who will know you have used or not used?
I was really glad to read that you are pledging yourself to seek some aftercare and be serious about staying clean. It's the best insurance policy an addict can have.....some form of aftercare.
Keep posting.....it helps you and it helps all those that read as well.
The most important thing we can do is learn from our relapses and be open to putting preventative roadblocks in place so we don't relapse again.
One thing that caught my eye is that you believe Vicodin is somehow "better" than Norco? Not sure if I read that right, but just in case you didn't know, they are BOTH the same drug.....hydrocodone. The only difference is the amount of acetaminophen (Tylenol) in them.
It's a grand idea to block your drug connects phone # to ensure you don't even see the incoming "offers"....but it would be even better to tell your connections that you are DONE......and ask them not to contact you any longer. I blew thru my own script, my hubby's script and still went to the street at my very worst.....but I made sure my street connect KNEW I was done when I committed to quitting. I also told my dr....both were important and have proved invaluable to my staying clean.
The sharing of your secret with your brother is a good thing, but what about your husband? Is he aware you are addicted to hydros? Just wondering what that situation is for you as he surely must be aware of something going on.....the disappearing $ and all that, huh? One of the purposes of sharing our secret is to have accountability....so we don't use behind our secret.....if you don't live with your brother, who will know you have used or not used?
I was really glad to read that you are pledging yourself to seek some aftercare and be serious about staying clean. It's the best insurance policy an addict can have.....some form of aftercare.
Keep posting.....it helps you and it helps all those that read as well.
Yellowcandygirl.You sound a very strong lady.You know what you want and dont want.The fact you went to a clinic to try rid your peoblem speaks volumes.Most def block the contact's that supply da yellow's.And you sound a happy go lucky person.The advice your bro gave you is bang on.Be happy nd proud each day you get by and tru.I went 6days and goosed myself up big time.Wish u all da best!! X
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