Day 1.....

[WannaBeFree79]

Ok, I am back to day 1 today.  Last vicodin was 7pm last night (15 hours ago or so)  Obviously I don't feel too bad yet, but the mental part ugh it gets me so bad.  I look forward to the day I wake up and everything seems normal again without taking a pill to make it that way.  

I have a 1 year RX sitting at the pharmacy for paxil (anti-depressant) that I never started using.  I was on it years ago for about a year after I started having panic attacks, and it seemed to work.  Would the anti-depressants help now?  I know its only day 1 and having done this before, day 3 gets me every time I can't seem to get past it.  The mental addiction and the depression are the hardest part for me to get past.  Just curious if the anti-depressants would actually confuse my brain right now and make it worse?

Thanks :)

[WannaBeFree79]

I am at 27 hours and whoa do I feel bad.  2nd time this week I have tried. Since I just did this about 5 days ago the physical is pretty minor this time (except a very bad headache) but the mental is breaking me down.  I WILL DO THIS even if I mess up again I am confident I CAN AND WILL DO THIS and all of us CAN.  I want it so bad I can taste it, wanting to be done bad enough has to help us I am sure.  Good Luck to everyone

desperatetostop:  Well done on 13 days, I can't wait till I can say I am that far.  Please let us all know if you find out anything from the doctor as far as alternatives to narcotic meds.  Its deffinately something that would be a great tool in the future to stay clean ;)

madelina:  Thank you for all the info, it must just be because I am in such a small town.  I am looking into the meetings and will go from there.  My hubby is supportive but he just doesn't understand, and I am making my headache worse trying to get him to understand.  Hes so frustrated and its all my fault, not only would NA help me but also take some of the burden off of him.

Thanks again to everyone on this forum your support is absolutely priceless ;)

[udoschoices]

i'm with you.. attempting day 1 again (for like the 3rd time this week).  Hang in there, we'll be ok.. it ***** but after a few days it will get better.. then the mental tricks start.

[madelina]

As far as 90 meetings in 90 days goes, if that's not possible then i reccomend you reach out to the people who are in the meetings you do go to. Sometimes being around people in those meetings is as good as going. The point of 90 in 90 is to make sure you surround yourself with people who are committed to recovery and can give you support.As far as being prescribed pain meds for future medical problems, see if a friend or relative can dole them out to you as prescribed. it is much less likely to become physically dependent on something if your not abusing it. Also, if you do have future med complications that require pain meds, be honest with the doctor and see if you can find any alternatives that won't put you in danger of relapse.

[desperatetostop]

I don't know the answer to your questions...I have a surgery coming up in Feb. I have asked my significant other to help me be accountable for my pain meds after surgery. I am going to see the surgeon tomorrow though and will ask if there is anything he can give me that is non opiate.

that's my plan. I don't know what drug you are talking about, maybe the surgeon will let me in on the secret tomorrow. ;)

hang in there...keep coming here and posting and reading. it's been helping me and I just hit my 13th day. the light is shining...hold on, you'll see it soon

[WannaBeFree79]

Thanks for responding.  I think I am going to give the paxil a try, if it won't hurt, I am willing to give it a shot.  As far as my doctor, to be honest I am scared to even tell her.  She wasn't the one prescribing the vicodin I was taking and I only see her about once per year for my athsma and chronic things.  She is actually anti-pain medication.  I live in such a small town, and I honestly don't think she would understand or has dealt with it often.  I may be wrong.  I can honestly say I don't know her well enough to know what her reaction would be, and her getting angry would be a deffinate set back and stress issue for me right now.  I am 100% willing to deal with all the physical symptoms on my own.

I have been reading a lot of the board today to keep busy.  I am oddly optomisic today and that feels good.  I have a few more question though.  I went to NA's website to find meetings, I wanted to do 90 meetings in 90 days.  Like I said I live in a very small town, the nearest city is about 30 minutes away and its still a small city.  All I could find was meeting 2 times a week in our area.  Are there more that they don't list on the website?  Or do you go to these 90 meetings at different places all 90 days?  I don't drive so I am relying on my to take me to all of them, and I don't know if he would be willing to drive all over the planet 90 days straight LOL.

My last question, and the scariest part for me.  I do have other ilnesses (athsma, bladder disease) and I am only 30.  I have a long way to go as far as living yet.  How do you handle for example future operations, broken bones etc.  I know it will happen at some point and I will require the use of a pain medication, but I DO NOT EVER want to relapse and go thru this H*LL again.  I have way to much to look forward to at this point in my life, but its a scary thought that relapse can happen so fast, even when drugs are necessary.  I read about a drug, I can't remember the name now, that when you take it and then take a pain killer it blocks the euphoric feeling.  Does anyone know if it also blocks the pain killing portion of the drug?  There has to be an alternative out there for people like us, so we don't relapse.  

Thanks again and I am sorry for all the questions.

[Overit5]

I'm not an expert here by any means, with said I am on day 14 and can tell that Chlonodine is very helpful with the night sweats. The key for me was to go cold turkey. You can do this!  I have not felt this good in 2 years. It is so worth it. Everyone is pulling for you!!!

[madelina]

Hi-

Can't really answer the question about paxil, from what i understand it takes a while to get into your bloodstream and start working. (1-2 weeks)?however, there are some things you can do to make you feel better, it sounds like you have a doctor that you go to regularly. Ask if he can prescribe you clonidine. it is non-addictive and eases away the withdrawal symptoms. Hot baths, plenty of liquids and food. Also there are OTC things that help, like advil or ibuprofin for the aches and pains, Immodium AD for the runs and i believe there are OTC nausea meds as well. Speaking from personal experience, nothing is gonna make you feel 100% but there are things that help. I have been an opiate addict and kicked many times, as long as you stay stron, this too shall pass. i will be praaying for you and good luck. it is SO worth it! Just try to stay on the positive side. Also, it wont hurt to start your paxil prescription, but don't expect it to help too much with WD's. But it will stabilize your mood and that is a HUGE part of the battle, you can't let the hopelessness take over. GOOD LUCK! Also, for the mental addiction, you might try going to some AA/NA meetings. They are full of people who have been through exactly what you have, and in my experience will do anything it takes to help someone who is where you are right now. google the AA/NA hotline and also something called the Tomas recipe for detox, it is very helpful to alot of people. MY prayers are with you, just remember that lots of people have beat this and you can too!