Avatar universal

Day 1

This isn't as much a question as a cry for a little companionship.. I got in an accident two years ago and they gave me vics and that's when it started.. Since then I've done everything from bags to meth but I've done SOME kind of opiate every day.. Today is my first day with nothing after tapering myself down.. But heres the kicker.. I have dealt them for about a year and a half now, which means, I know where to get them, how to get them, and I don't need much to do it.. :/ Hense the need for outside help. I've stolen and everything else. And I never wanted to look the problem in the face. And I'm a college student, and I have some demons from my past. So the pills numb the pain, and not just the physical, but the mental too.. What made me quit was watching my best friend trying to walk down the path of this and I could never let her feel this pain.. I used pills for everything. When I wake up in the morning, I needed one.. Now that I've broke myself of that I think the worst is semi over. But I used narcotics for everything. If I had a test to study for? Crush a few adderal.. I use them to cope with everything.. When I'm upset, I go to find something.. So I've locked myself in my room and looked up this on google because its already started with the leg cramps and the sweats..
12 Responses
7100466 tn?1392032316
Welcome, you have come to the right place.  I am only 8 days clean from opiates, and I am so grateful for the counsel and advice given to me by honest and caring folks on this forum.  I know I wouldn't have been able to get through any given day without the guidance from these folks.  They told me what to expect during withdrawals, and I believed and trusted them and they were right.  They told me it would be a roller coaster ride, and to buckle up, to pray,to reach out to others, and wait for the miracle.  Each day I wake up, and realize I don't have to reach for anything is my miracle.
Hang in there....the withdrawals won't kill you but the drugs will...
Avatar universal
Thank you and yea I'm aware because I've tried to quit before, quite a few times and I'd make it to about the 2nd day and not be able to keep doing it.  
3197167 tn?1348968606
Welcome to the forum~  We can certainly provide some companionship and offer suggestions as you go thru this process.  We're all at various stages and ages......some still using, some tapering, some newly in detox, some clean just a short while, some clean a long while....you name it...we're on this forum...LOL

You said this above:
"I have dealt them for about a year and a half now, which means, I know where to get them, how to get them, and I don't need much to do it.. :/ Hense the need for outside help"

You're in pretty deep already for your age......and you're so right...outside help would be great.  Inpatient rehab would be the VERY  best....and if you cannot take 30 days out of your life to commit to that life changing experience....you can find help where you live.  Addiction therapy/counseling and a commitment to a recovery program of some kind would be excellent.  Good outpatient programs are available.and they are intensive but not as good as inpatient, imo.  You have "old" demons that you are masking with drugs....and you have a lifestyle that you totally need to change to stay clean.  Not hanging around with or associating with ANY of your old drug buddies is first and foremost.  Yes, you know where to go get drugs....but you can tell them you're "done" and delete their phone numbers.  It can be scary....but it will save your life and give you a bright future.  

You need to form your own recovery plan.....new people, places and things....that aren't drug related in any way.  Other recovering addicts can be the best insurance you could invest in.

Perhaps your college campus has some help available....addiction as you know is rampant.....and you may be surprised to discover all the help that is available to you.  Locking yourself in your room.....knowing you can go get drugs will make it VERY difficult to get and STAY clean.

You are so young.....your whole life ahead of you....so it's time to reach out and ask for some help.  Addiction is progressive....we can't "go back" to how it once was.....it always gets worse.....and we truly do end up in jail, in some type of institution or dead......but not if we choose recovery.

Welome aboard.....hope you'll keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

Avatar universal
Oh I definitely will and yea but I can't do something like that because my parents don't know about it and I don't need something like that on my papers.  I'm in college to be a preschool teacher, and no one wants a preschool teacher that was on drugs.  But I've tapered down and I'm doing a lot better than I have before. I've been able to eat, and I'm about to take a bath to get rid of the leg jitters and TRY to sleep..
7142627 tn?1391403042
Good luck - the fact that you have decided to do this yourself is a great start. Leg jitters suck, but day by day it will get a bit better. Just remember, it is baby steps and eventually you will get there. I am up to day 50 pill free and yes, the first week was crap, but knowing what you are in for goes a long way to help you get through it. Good luck, I am praying for you from Australia. xxxx
271792 tn?1334979657
Hi Hun and welcome! I am so glad you found your way here and you are opening up to the community. this is a great place for support. We can walk you through this, give you suggestions and just plain listen. So stick around.

I'm going to give you a little tough love. You are young and you are on your way to having a great career. You will lose all of this if you don't get humble and listen. We share our experiences with you. It is time for you to listen and do some things with blind faith.

You NEED to get to the root of your issues and find healthy ways to deal with whatever your issues are. No more covering up the pain. It is time to do some work. If not you will continue to relapse and lose everything. there is no doubt about that. You need to find a counselor or a therapist who can teach you coping skills and life skills. You need to find a group who will also guide you. Perhaps a church group or the fellowship of NA.

I want to see you do great things so you need to set yourself up for success. No more excuses!! You are worth it so buckle down and dive into your recovery with as much time and strength or whatever else you did during your active addiction.

Hope to see you stick around and get through this. If you have any questions--ask away. We support each other here and help one another to Get clean and STAY clean.
Avatar universal
Well I'm one step ahead of you.. Before I got completely clean I found myself a therapist and I've been going to see her for about a month now.  And I've returned to the church I was raised in and it helps a lot seeing all of those people who love me and actually care.  My adoptive parents are great and the last thing I need them thinking about me is that I'm a junkie.. They've given up a lot to have me.. The least I can do is do the best I can..
Avatar universal
Congratulations on the 1st day of your detox. Stay strong : )
Avatar universal
Thank you :) I really appreciate it, and if you haven't all gotten it I kind of have a hard time reaching out for help. Especially about this. Because I'm actually quite intelligent and I volunteer so I can help other people and I'm so afraid that once people hear about my "little problem" they would think less of me.. I was a straight A high school student, cheer leader, student council, I played the flute for 8 years, I was somewhat of an over achiever.. then when I wrecked an atv my whole life changed.. I rolled a 600 Kawasaki utility atv four times and landed on pavement with no helmet and knocked myself out.. Then I tried college and when I couldn't keep my grades up I became depressed and I started hitting the drugs harder, then it just became a habit.. get up.. do a pill.. deal some and make money.. then go to bed at night.. But I'm getting better, my grades are rising, and now I still have the habit that hopefully I can kick so I can continue onto the bright future that I know is ahead of me..
7142627 tn?1391403042
Roxigurl.... just stay strong. You can do this!!

You mightn't be able to eat but keep up the fluids. I drank hydralite and gatorade to keep me hydrated and it really helped. Also used immodium for the runs.

Hang in there. Everyone here wants to see you succeed!

Bless xx
Avatar universal
I seriously thank all of you.
7100466 tn?1392032316
Hey! How are you doing today?
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