Day 2

[cathy499]

I am day 2 c/t and having a lot of trouble.  I have been prescribed and obtained many oxy's for about 12 years and have quit successfully in the past but am having trouble quitting for a while.  I can't believe that I have put myself and family in this horrible situation.  

[Jaybay]

AA and NA are free.  Get online and find a meeting near you and GO to those meetings.  Make a daily meeting part of your normal routine and WORK the program.  Once the worst of the physical detox is over, your mind starts hounding you to relapse.  You need a strong support system such as AA/ NA offers to maintain your sobriety as you build a new life.

[cathy499]

I actually slept last night and have woken feeling good--almost broke last night but knew that waking up on the new year clean would be great and it is!  I know that I need some after care help-- any suggestions?

[fredjones]

One more day indeed. Stay strong.

[cathy499]

We made it through another day!  Keep praying for me.

[hiskidd]

That's a great husband. Still praying...

[cathy499]

Thanks for the advice and I have no plans on going there--I have a friend who goes to one and it helped her to not relapse to heroin b/c she had relapsed each other time but it is not for me.  I wish I had the willpower to just take recommended dosages for pain but I don't anymore.  I have been taking opiate for over ten years but after I quit nursing my last baby the abuse and access to opiates was too easy.  What makes it harder is that I turned my husband on to pills and he is in the same situation as I am.  He is being the strong one for us this time.  I did cry and beg him once last night to just get me one oc to make the hell go away but he didn't and I'm so glad b/c I woke up feeling much better today.  Still weak but better.  Once again thanks ammonium.

[nojoke05]

Please don't take this the wrong way but don't go to a methadone clinic I've been on pills all my life and I'm quitting now and coming off methadon is harder than any pill please take my advice I wish I had someone tell me not to go when I first went

[cathy499]

And I have been clean for 68 hours now!

[cathy499]

I really appreciate the encouragement and slept for a while on and off with help from Xanax.  I do have a question about pain management--what about real pain?  I know a man who has debilitating disease and will forever he on pain pills--how do some not get addicted?  And what do I do about my true back pain which is one of the reasons I'm in this situation.  The money buying extra stuff is def. A problem but what about true pain management. Will I ever be able to take something for pain or will I always just have to deal with it.  Just trying to get through today and actually feel much better today--thank you immodium.  I definitely not as shakey.  This is hard!

[gnarly_1]

Hey I write these for ya hoping you wont find it till morning but knowing how this goes tells me your probably not sleeping and I just wanted to encourage you to keep pushing threw
I know just how hard it gets night after night not sleeping so if its 3 in the morning and your reading this just know its only temporary and eventually you will sleep as for the metal battle that a whole different story....I was in pain management for 16 1/2 yrs the only way to recovery is threw aftercare I was strung out so long I forgot what normal felt like
and when you come off methadone all of a sudden the world comes at you in tec/na/color and at 100miles an hour I have worked therw this with a substance abuse conslor for 2 1/2 yrs he help me get off it and now helps me stay off it and the pills your going to need help doing this but the effort is worth it good luck and God bless.....Gnarly

[cathy499]

Today was hard but a success!  I take comfort that others have gotten through what I am.  Feel pretty good right now except not sleeping.

[cathy499]

And I don't have any pills in the house.  That just wouldn't work.

[cathy499]

I have no interest in methadone but I am in a lot of pain right now.  I am proud that I have made it 55 hours!

[ImDONENoMore]

Yeah, pain management centers make me nervous too.  My sister in law is so addicted to so many different meds and she thinks its all completely justified because DR.'s give her the drugs.  And they know you'll keep coming back if they keep you addicted.  She has to see them every single month to keep her drugs coming - and she does.  Kind of seems like a legal way of obtaining a dealer.  I don't know, I'm sure they've helped some people.  Just seems a little suspicious to me.  Hope I haven't offended anyone, it was just a thought.

[hiskidd]

Oh, and I don't want to offend ANYONE, so please disregard if this isn't for you, but remember the pain clinic doesn't make money if you don't come, so of course they'll help you justify taking pills. No methadone!!! Still praying...

[hiskidd]

The only day you have to get through is today. Keep your mind busy. Watch stupid things. Read stupid things. Pray. Take baths. Eat bananas. Pray. You know all of this stuff, so don't talk yourself out of doing it. Valerian root helped me a lot. I may take some tonight. Do you have any oxy/pills in the house? If so, flush it ALL down the toilet. I'm sure I would have taken it if I hadn't done that.

I had a second accupuncture session today. I feel like my back hurts worse as a result, but I think it's a step back to take two forward. Breathe. Drink water. Praying for you!

[LeaAnn807]

I'm glad you made it through the day!  Ya know...that's all you ever have to do.  Just get through one day at a time!  You can do this.  It's not impossible.  Too many of us have done it!!!  I was a hopeless addict in my opinion for a long time.  I had no chance, at least in my mind, of ever recovering.  But, I just started adding the hours, then days, and now months!  It CAN be done!!!

[cathy499]

The hardest part is thinking about life without--hard to imagine.  I use to feel sorry for people who didn't know the joys of opiates and now I feel sorry for me.

[fredjones]

Stay strong Cathy, you can do this!

You don't like the pills.  Trust me. All the pill counting, planning days around them, all the Damn $$$$$ they take from you, the mental and spiritual haze they place you in - you don't like that. You may like the idea that they place you in an alternate reality, but that is just a facade. It's not real. Birds singing on a beach where waves are coming ashore, thats real. Feeling emotions, having positive relationships with people, feeling true love again, all real. These pills keep us from participating in lifes best moments. A few more days of hell is a small price to pay for a life of freedom.

I'll keep you in my prayers, for sure. I'm only on day 1, so I have a journey as well. Just think, tomorrow is day 3 for you. You can do this! Stay strong, stay positive. We are all here for you.

[cathy499]

I have stayed strong today--I did call the pain clinic but they were thankfully closed and my husband won't go hook-up for me at least he hasn't broken yet.  I hope we make it tonite.

[LeaAnn807]

Oh, please don't do methadone!  It will make what you are going through now look like a picnic.  I know how you feel about liking pills, cause I felt that way too.  I promise, if you suffer enough consequences, you will learn to not like them so much.  And those consequences will come if you do it long enough.  It does for everyone.  You have to stay clean for a long enough time to see that you will enjoy your life without pills too.  Maybe more!!!  I do.

You should be better by weekend!  I'm sorry you're having a hard time!

[IBKleen]

Cathy, please stay away from the Methadone. You will be so sorry and in much worse shape than you could ever be now.

There is life after active addiction. You can have it but you will have to work for it, just like all the good things in life. I hope you make that choice...You are in my thoughts.

[cathy499]

Thanks for the suggestions but I'm not sure what plans I have for after care.  Methadone has been suggested tome but I don't want to go there.  I really just wish that I didn't like pills so much.

[IBKleen]

I know the mental is the biggest battle, and always will be. It is easy to stop, it is hard to say stopped.

If you really want this, and I believe you do, then you will have to make some changes. You say you go to a pain clinic...well, maybe you can find some alternative pain treatments as many of us here have. Then you will have to lose those "friends" who, I am sorry to say, are probably not friends at all.

You will notice that any member here who has accumulated some clean time engages in some form of aftercare. An outside support group, counseling, a chruch group or whatever is comfortable for you is fine. The point is to change your old behavior to learn some new coping skills.

If you are willing to do that you will be well on your way and I bet it will help you to care for those babies.