Day 2

[ImGettingClean]

Been on and off this site for a while - long story short, Crohns Disease patient and from time to time the pain gets so bad, i get admitted...only think to help the pain. When i get out, i simply message my doc and she calls in anything I need 60-90? 5MG, 7.5MG? Then the vicious cycle starts... sometimes i 'exaggerate' my pain so she give me more. History on me, been on and off pain meds for 3-4 years. I reached 80 days at some points then my crohn's kicks my *** and spiral begins again.

Well enough is enough.

I emailed my Doc today and said no matter what, do not ever give me pain meds. If my pain gets back enough, i'll go to the ER. and she was pleasantly surprised and also said she was becoming very weary of the number if pain meds I was taking - nonetheless, she's been cut off - Nothing! =) I believe this is the key to all of this. Everytime I was clean, it was always in the back of my mind, hey, just send a message, get high for a few days, etc etc etc...u all know..start off with just 20 and in 2 days, ask for more and more and more....

I sometimes go months without taking a single pill but then when the craving hits, it becomes as simple as get on my computer, send a quick message and i have 90 7.5MG Vic sitting @ the pharmacy for $5.00. this time, 2-3 weeks of 15 - 5MG Pers and when i ran out, 15-7.5MG Vic  (over a period of 10 days)

Those days are over.

I know I also need to change other habits as well - i need to start going to a therapist and find out why it is i am so self destructive.

Anyway, its day 2 - wife went to work and i'm home with my precious 3 month, beautiful baby girl. thankfully she's sleeping now, but when she gets up, it's so hard to have the energy to pick her up, change her etc.

Every time i look into those beautiful eyes of hers, i start crying because i don't want to be those fathers that lets their kids down. I hate the fact that some of the pics i have with her, i'm high on pain meds - it breaks me to pieces.

Anyway, Day 2 and hopefully, the beginning of something beautiful.

I know about Thomas Recipe, Walks, Hot Baths, Vits...anything else anyone can recommend? I also have a very small Qty of Ativan for when my anxiety gets real bad.

[weaver71]

For the first couple weeks, I couldn't imagine working out. I had to walk, because I thought I might crash my bike. That's awesome if you did any workout. The sauna made my aches go away for a while, and I would just tread water and swim around some. You have a great attitued, keep it up.

[ImGettingClean]

LOl Brice!! i dont think they make those baby carriers for 15 yr old's ;) Thanks for the advice. I did make it to the gym this morning - didn't work out much but sauna/steam room felt great.

Hi dede - yes, feeling better, thanks. Not 100% but can't expect that now anyways. thanks everyone for the love n support, u guys r all great!

[brice1967]

Somebody above mentioned exercise.  That was huge for me when getting off narcotics.  Staying away, when I made the decision to do so was relatively easy, but that annoying voice you mentioned kept telling me to go hang out with my "friends" that were still using.

I knew better, but I hung around anyhow.  Had a relapse or two, but a new bigger voice started telling me to get right and stay right.  The exercise helped that voice remain louder and clearer.

One day at a time man, and that habit gets further and further away in the rear view mirror.  (Do you guys have one of those little baby back pack things?  Strap that sucker on and take the little one out for some fresh air!!!  I'd do it, but my youngest is 15 and weighs about 190 lbs.... I am not carrying his big butt anywhere!!!!  LOL)

[dede2121]

Nick like you said, just take whatever the day brings.  Did you wake up feeling a little better ?

[ImGettingClean]

Thanks Tailwagger, I appreciate it.

Gettin_better: sorry to hear u r in the midst of withdrawals- if y haven't already, Imodium for the diarrhea and try hot baths w Epsom salt - I took one last night and really helped me relax - even for a couple hours, it's worth it. Good luck to u and stay in touch - we can help one another out through this heI_I_ish experience.

[gettin_better]

I'm also going into the first few days of getting cleaned up after almost 7 years.  The diarrhea and shakes and sweats and insomnia are driving me batty.  

I wish you all the best and I am going through it also

[taliwagger]

A huge congratulations to you and your bravery. I wish you all the bery best!

[ImGettingClean]

Thank you both - just got up- around 6:45am - slept pretty good surprisingly ... Let's see what today brings - just going to take it for what it is :)

[weaver71]

It seems like you're on the right track. Glad to see you coming back to post throughout the day. This is such a small part of the rest of your life. I wish I had gotten clean when my kids where so small. You are a great guy and will never regret what you are going through right now. I look forward to you sharing how fun it is to be with your family clean and sober. Good luck on this great decision.

[dede2121]

I bet u will feel somewhat better tomorrow.

[ImGettingClean]

Thanks! been on 2 LONGGG walks with her today - SoCal weather is very nice this time of year, so we took advantage of that. Probably drank 5-6 vitamin waters - wife is home now, thank God - so, i can go an just Veg out and clear my mind. Overall, not the worst day in the world - got to spend it with my beautiful baby girl = just wish i wasnt going through WDs. Also taking the Immodium, thanks!

[Sonrissa]

Hi there, and great job telling your doctor that you've quit! That is really one of the most difficult parts! You have a great attitude! You sound like a wonderful daddy! I haven't read all of the replies, but, if you haven't picked up Immodium, you should! It will really help with stomach, bathroom, and other withdrawal issues! For me, Immodium, and staying hydrated was the key! Also, keep moving! Taking care of the little one will definately help with that! Good luck and take care! I wish you all the best! Keep posting for advice and support!

[ImGettingClean]

Thanks Kyle,

Your last sentence hit home because I know one day down the road it will come up..it has before and i failed. but right now, i'm just going to worry about today, get clean and deal with that when the time comes...Thanks for the advice. I appreciate everyone's response - it had helped me get through the day

[kyle505]

Nick -
Your voice pushed for one bottle, mine for just one more pill. But it was the same message. And you may still experience the temptation; I do. However, you've put up the necessary roadblocks preventing you from easy access. There will be times in the future when you'll be presented with unexpected, out of the blue situations...finding a pill when cleaning out your car, visiting a friend who's had surgery, etc. Those are the times that really test us, and define us.
Great job. keep posting.

[ImGettingClean]

Thanks Kyle - in the past, I did everything by the book when quitting but never told me doc how serious the issue was. So, no
More meds from her - I have a couple
Other docs (GI docs) but they never prescribe pain meds, always say ask ure
Primary care - so I closed all ties.

I remember sometimes , 5-10 days into being clean, my mind kept racing "c'mon, one message, treat ure self - one bottle and that's it" and we all
Know where that leads

So, I won't have that Annoying voice anymore - hopefully this will be my saving grace.

Nick

[kyle505]

Boy - you took the wind out of my sail...Telling your doc and cutting sources is the first thing that I suggest when offering advice. I've got some very pointed response to that suggestion. So you go and do it, first thing; what do I have to preach about now!!  Seriously, great job. That is always the hardest thing to do because it makes it harder to get meds in the future, and most of us don't like that.
The only thing that I can suggest is to keep your body nourished; eat lots of health food; get some exercise. You will experience withdrawal, and so you have to have fuel in your system to get through it. If you can't eat try drinking Ensure. Good luck.

[dede2121]

Meant to say u CAN return them home

[ImGettingClean]

LOL - i'm counting down the minutes until her mommy comes home =))

[dede2121]

That's the good thing about being a grandma, you cant return them home. Lol. Lucky for you at that age they sleep alot.

[ImGettingClean]

Yeah, unfortunately, wife is out so no one to hand her to...

Maybe she knows i'm not doing good, so she hasnt been too fussy and pretty much sleeping since momy left. love her so much - soo soo much.

[ImGettingClean]

Thanks, i will definitely check it out, thank you!

[dede2121]

Day 2 was always the worst day for me as far as wds. By day 3 I was starting to feel somewhat better. Not great by far but better. Hang in there . Everytime a pill crosses your mind just look at that precious daughter who depends on you. thank god gee is my grandson cause when I got really tired and couldn't sit with him I took him home to mommie. Lol.

[buncogirl003]

You seem prepared and ready to go!!  Ativan will definitely help with the anxiety!

I also went to Whole Foods and picked up natural and homeopathic things that helped ME...not for everyone but I liked NOT putting meds from doctors in my body anymore than I absolutely have to then and NOW!!

I use "Rescue Remedy" for anxiety"Hylands  #6 Kali Phos 6x for Stress...tension and headaches.  This brand has a great line for different issues~!  Again...this helped me....may not help or be good for everyone!

I went CT without a doctors help and YES I did do it.......I think if you have a good relationship with a doctor they can really help!  The doctor that prescribed 6 plus vicoden a day did not understand WHY I wanted to stop taking them!!  But my primary carr was with me thru it all and very compassionate...understand and helpful

So...good luck......stay strong...focused and positive!!! Keep looking in your child's eyes!!!  You can do this!

Post often.....it really helps!!
Laurie

[ImGettingClean]

yes - sometimes when i am 'high' my wife asks me to give her a bath and i say, i can't feeling dizzy = she knows about my pain meds and just washes the baby on her own sometime. It breaks my heart and instead of stopping, i take more out of guilt.

I'm DONE. i'm here w her now, just the two of us, changed her poopy diaper, got a big smile and altough through day 2 of WDs still felt better than when i was high...feels real and not foggy.

thank u all for the post/comments, each one of them mean so much to me.