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Day 3 off yet another recovery

Are you guys sick of hearing about my Day xyz of recovery, only to not hear from me for a month, and then hear the same old story again? Because I am sick of myself. I am addicted to my percs and I don't honestly know how to stop. I have 2 small children and I am disgusted with myself for being on pills all the time. I stopped on Saturday and it's now Monday. I still feel ill and cranky and depressed. It's the worst. I know the worst is almost over but I've gone weeks without them and the desperation for them never really seems to stop. It could be day 21 and I'll think "well, one here and there wouldn't hurt." And then I'll be 200 pills later right here where I am. Has anyone been able to stop this craze? How? Please tell me!
18 Responses
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1801781 tn?1461629469
I stopped my source to start.  Talked to my doctor and told her I was thru!  Told my husband and adult children and that began my journey to get clean and hopefully stay clean.  I cannot see the future..just today and everyday I decide it will be a clean one.  I hope you find a way to do the same.  It is so darned worth it.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I did that for a year, and I finally decided this was the time. I have  hit rock bottom. I am on dsy 5 of I cant even remember what detox. Set your mind to it and just jump. Good luck! We are here for you.
Helpful - 0
1570583 tn?1326218121
No one here will ever get tired of hearing the same thing from you over and over. i am in the same boat as you are and every time i come here, i am given love and support and it gives me hope and courage. We can do this, we can get clean and get our lives back. It will be the hardest things weve ever done, but we can do it. Good luck to you SoDone, I am right there beside you and am here to talk. 3 days is AWESOME. 3 days is HUGE! be proud today and give yourself a break, youre TRYING, and thats whats important!
Helpful - 0
1198664 tn?1368647812
Don't beat yourself up I am the same way. Maybe a little worse who knows. I usually get about 4-10 days and I am back on. I have been literally doing this for over a year now. I am constantly in this cycle. The only thing I can say I guess is that since my MEGA relapse and detox over a year ago I have not reached those debts again. Now I am just toying with pills, flirting with the devil I guess. I am still constantly feeling like chrap and doing mini (but still really pewpy) withdrawls every 2-4 weeks. It's no way to live but like I said I guess its better than before. But it still blows. But you are for sure not alone in what you are going through.  
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
You never fail as long as you keep trying.  This is a very mental addiction after the wd's.  You need to get honest with yourself and those around you.  If you are getting the pills from a doctor sit down with him and spill your guts.  Does your family know?  We talk alot about aftercare here.  Using is just a symptom with this addiction.  What are you willing to do to change things up here.  There is no happy ending to this addiction, there is a happy ending with recovery~~sara
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Congrats on 3 days!  I will never get sick of reading and supporting somebody who is trying to break free from this nightmare.  :)
Helpful - 0
2107198 tn?1336136106
The others are giving you great advice.  Do not be so hard on yourself, but at the same time buckle down on this thing!  You can do it!

I cannot emphasize how much what littlebit said is true in my opinion.  You will most likely NOT have the power to say no to cravings, so delete supply.  CUT those abilities to get any pills.  Tell your doctor, tell family and any dealers.  I know it is crazy hard to do, but it really is key.  You will also hear about how important aftercare is and how it can also help with those cravings.

Bryan
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Okay so you are so far, a failure in your recovery..... Guess what??? You have to fail a few times to learn how to really get through this for good. Have you ever looked up the statistics on all these successful people like Thomas Edison, Benjamin Franklin, Babe Ruth??? These people failed..,.., over and over again but they NEVER gave up.... That has to be your mindset.... Look back at every single time you have relapsed and figure out what you have to do differently.... I battled that god awful percoset addiction for years.... and my FINAL withdrawal (not my first, second, or even third withdrawal) will be a year ago on July 17th. It is a difficult addiction to beat, but it is NOT impossible! Like you have heard from all these awesome people here,...,. You MUST cut off your source(s)... until you do that, you aren't really serious about your recovery. Your children deserve the you who isn't on drugs.... don't short change them out of the childhood that they deserve..... You will love life again, if you can learn to do things without pills.... Your children will learn to love life because you do. It is too late for me with my oldest daughter.... She will be angry with me until the day I die.... You have a chance to stop this now. Don't give up.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Here I am again. Day 5 with a minor relapse yesterday (took 2, better than 10, I guess). I took the jump this time, thanks to reading your advice with a clear head, and deleted my source and told my husband (who suspected I was getting bad) to help me. He's great so I know I'm in good hands. I've avoided telling him because he'll help more than I might want him to. I'm really trying this time, guys, I want to be a success story.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey Done, Welcome back!! I know you've played these raindeer games before so I won't throw the initial advice at you. I think its great that you now have the support of someone you love to aid in your recovery. Let this be your last detox EVER! As you know these pills are a dead end road with the road ending with death. What about outpatient support to help you thru detox? You can do this, just set yourself up for success by tossing the pills, and getting a support system to chime into daily. Keep posting with any symptoms and for additional support. YOU can do it this time!!!
Helpful - 0
1970885 tn?1435860428
Can you beat 15 years of relapsing? Well? I thought not.  
But if you don't stop BSing yourself you will be on the same road that I just got off of.
You know what you have to do - cut ALL sources, tell those close to you that you're an addict, and get after care. Sources - if you can't get pills you can't take pills and thus you can't relapse. Call your doc, dentist and pharmacy. BE HONEST - tell them you're an addict and want to be red flagged as such. If you have a dealer get rid of the number. They don't give a crap about you.
Tell Your Secret - Telling your secret means you can't relapse behind it. A big mistake not telling your family. They will be part of your long term support system  After Care- And after care. Try to find out why you do the same stuff over and over again. On going support. People who can see through an addicts lies.
This is a public forum. You are always welcome, but aren't you getting tired of the same sorry-I-relapsed post? Again - you know exactly what needs to be done IF you really want to get and stay clean.
My favorite recovery quote. Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Sound familiar?
Helpful - 0
1796826 tn?1578874779
Hey. Kyle is giving you great advice, I think he's right on. You really want to quit, but you also really want the pills. So it's a paradox too, on top of everything else. I naturally wonder what element of recovery might be missing for you. Kyle hits on all the major things above.

I have not seen you mention outside help in your posts. IMO, this is utterly essential. This can be NA/AA, or it can be a private addiction therapist (ideally both). But in my experience, until you commit to getting outside help, you will relapse. As an MD and 37 year AA member said to me recently: "Addiction is a severe disease. If you look at it as such, it's obvious that you need will outside help to treat it. Would you try to 'handle' measles or pneumonia at home, or would you go see a doctor?"

Try thinking of your addiction as a serious disease (even if you don't believe that, do it as a thought experiment), and then think about how you're treating it. Are you drinking chamomile to cure pneumonia? :D You can do this, I'm certain of it! I hope this helps!
Helpful - 0
2122807 tn?1560619706
Ben expresses my thoughts exactly.

Good luck in your quitting and we are here for you,

hugs,
Lily
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I deleted my source and have never gotten any from a doctor (I'm a recreational addict--shameful, huh). I also told my husband and family. I feel like this time it's clicking that this NEEDS to happen. I'm on Day 11 and really hope I'm done. I'm considering aftercare. I was thinking I'd use this forum but it might be good to attend a group or something. Exercise is saving me, too. Thank you for your advice--it's not easy to hear but really helps.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I decided to look into it. I'm ready.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Day 13! My husband says he saw the sparkle in my eyes again for the first time in a really long time. I feel GOOD!!
Helpful - 0
1801781 tn?1461629469
So glad to see you back!  
Helpful - 0
1801781 tn?1461629469
Sounds like a good hubby!  I am glad you told the ones that care..it makes and will continue to make a difference.  Congrats!
Helpful - 0
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