Day 4 - I feel pretty good, how are you?

[CinCee]

This must be my lucky day, I get to start a question!

Good morning, my fellow withdrawers.  (Anybody got a better name than "withdrawers"?)  How's everyone?

[athena]

I just wanted to say that I hope things are going well for you.Ihave missed your posts.Been reading them for sometime before I posted myself.I dont presume to know if you had to go back on meds,but if so,try not to let it upset you too much.If not ,hang in there,it can only get better.

pixi

[athena]

I can see that I was a day late and a dollar short.Shoul have looked closer before I posted.Your doing great!

pixi

[Chezz]

Cincee,

The Courage, Desire, and Will have to come from within. The is no easy way out of this.

You have to EARN your FREEDOM. You have EARN your life back.

This is a Journey, not a destination. Your stuggles in life are not going to end when you take your last pill.

IT IS ACTUALLY THE BEGINNING.

Sobriety comes at a price.

Personally, I will pay ANYTHING to be able to look at MYSELF again........with PRIDE, with LOVE, with HAPPINESS.

This morning I was able to do THAT.

My Journey began 5 days ago........I plan to make it last a lifetime.

I hope you all do tooo
Chezz

[Chezz]

I don't have the strenght to go through this the rest of my life.

Even if it means I have to give part of myself to save the other.

My Addictions are part of me. I have accepted that.

I am tired of running, tired of hiding, tired of living this lie.

The rollercoaster won't stop. YOU are the only one that CAN stop it.  

We all have given so much of OURSELVES to this addiction. It has NEVER given back.

The fear, the guilt, the despair, the shame, the resentment, the hate.

That is what this addiction has GIVEN me.

I can do without those in my life,
Chezz

[Chezz]

Thanks for your comments Bmac. You sound alot better now than you were a few days ago. Not DWELLING help? I was worried about you. Since you had already passed a month clean and you still seemed, unhappy? Now you sound like you are starting to enjoy being clean.

Moxy, Glad to hear that you are sticking in there. I couldn't imagine have a "habit the size of Texas" and coming down from there. That is awesome.

Cincee - I don't know what I will do if I have to deal with meds again. I will deal with that down the road. I do know that it will be more "controlled".

thanks to all the people out there that have gotten anything from my posts, it keeps me posting.

Actually, yesterday I felt like Hippy. That it was my time to "move-on".

It feels good to know that I am able to help at all in these tough times.

Thanks,
Chezz

[CATUF]

Well, here I go AGAIN.  With the help of my brother I did a 10 day taper from about 15 10-Hydros a day.  I was on day six and feeling GREAT!  But somehow when a "friend" called late that day I didn't say "no thanks."  The only thing different this time is that by the next morning I KNEW that I was feeling nowhere near as good high as I had felt sober, rested and fed the day before.  Before I didn't come to that conclusion for some time (weeks) after a clean spell.  I couldn't afford to crash, as I had quite a busy week, so I didn't just pour them down the drain.  So, I used them as needed to get me through the week, taper way down over the weekend.  Monday was a bit tough -- but I made it through a day of important meetings to simply pass out at 7:30 when I got home.  Tuesday was not bad at all -- Today I actually feel good.  I am astonished that I said "yes" so easily after a) the heartache and soul searching that lead to confessing to my brother and getting his help with the taper and b) the wonderful way I was feeling after only 6 days.  But, I guess that just shows I'm an addict.  I've been lurking here throughout (many times a day) and you all have been a great help.  Chezz, many of your posts make me feel as though you took my thoughts right out of my mind.  I really am sick of being sick on so many levels, all directly related to my hydro use.  I want this to be over once and for all. Thanks for the help!