Day 4

[OpiateEnemy]

Why do i have such a problem with relaspe. Everytime i have gone through this hell i have vowed never to touch another opiate.(benzo or anphemtamine)(xanax-adderall). I was clean for about 8 months until about a month ago when i had all four of my wisdom teeth cut out. I had so many stitches in my mouth it was horrible, I smoke and i also ended up with a dry socket. So of course what option is there? I started taking the presicribed dose of pain medication that my dentist wrote me with the intent that i would not have a problem with it.(even though i was told otherwise by a few really close friends and family.) The pain dissappeared and of course the euphoria took over and it wasnt long before i called the dentist on a sunday mind u, and told them the lortab 10's they prescribed me were hurting my stomach.Of course i was called in a different painkiller that ended up being perc 10's. All in all i had 60 pills.I am now on day 4 with a new girlfriend who is new to this and doesnt understand. Ive been trying to hide it but its so very hard.I finally told her it was withdrawels from the pills (and with research and talking to my mother who has seen my addiction first hand) finally understands why im so so so so sick. I still have cold sweats here and there. I still have insomnia and i feel as if i dont belong anywhere. Why do i keep putting myself through this **** when i knew i could not be responsible and take them the right way.(if there is even a right way). I knew in my heart i should have delt with the pain and i would have been fine, I have never been to a program or to treatment due to my career which i can not disclose. I have always detoxed cold turkey, but its getting harder and harder. Why am i doing this to myself over and over.

[keith600]

I cant think of any disease, broken bones, etc. that doesn't require aftercare.

[josie261012014]

I'm in the same boat as u are; I always got clean and relapsed on Vicodin for years, been to rehab and methadone clinics twice; vowing never again cuz I hate having to go to methadone clinic.  But now I'm older and had surgeries and joint pain, arthritis and what I've always needed them for in my early years; migraines I just can't see my life living in excruciating pain like this; yet I'm once again addicted to them again, eating them up too fast and suffering withdrawals waiting til I can call in my next refill, then getting brave and calling in too soon; I've been cut off by doctors because of that when I get careless then have to search for another one.  It's a horrible way to live.  I don't even get the high off of them anymore, just the shakes for more and more; it totally *****.

[Pat1956100]

You just have to want it more than you want to use. It's just not fun anymore and we can still see the mess we have made while using.
Every couselor will be confidential.
Give it a try.

[OpiateEnemy]

I have been checking into some anonymous ways of getting some help. I know that i cant keep doing it on my own. With no one to talk to ive turned to this site for inspiration and its been helping me tremedously.

[OpiateEnemy]

Thanks for the response. Ive noticed that you are very involved in all the post. Your opinion has really helped open my eyes along with the opinions of others that i have to stop making excuses for myself.

[dominosarah]

Using is only a symptom of addiction.  We bury many demons while we are using.  Gotta get to the bottom of it.  Is there anyway you can see a counselor or something?

[Pat1956100]

So sorry.  I am on day 4 as well from several relapses and aked the same questions.  The answers I got were that I had to cut all my sources and also after care.  If you really want to stay clean you have to listen to the advice of the people who have gone thru this and what worked for them.  They are racking up clean time and still trying to help us so we have to do what works if we really want to stay clean.w
We have to be very open minded and want it more than anything.  We can't make excuses for why we can't do this or this.
That's just what I have gotten and what I am working on.
Good luck. I know how hard it tis.