Day 9... still going strong.... now stronger!

[jibi07]

Beginning of day 9... I feel great, I feel rested... i did not take a xanax last night, as I wanted to see how I would sleep without one, i slept great..... 8 full hours..... peacefully..... hubby said he woke up to check if i was breathing because i didnt move once in my sleep and was just soundly asleep lol,

I went to my first NA meeting last night, got my first Key Chain..... now i'm determined to collect them all haha.... the people there were amazing, I did not talk but listened to everyone, they told me at the end.. " thats ok to listen, you will talk when your ready" I got so many hugs, it felt great.... i felt like i was in the right place, and i know i need to be there. It felt good to be there. I'm going again to tonights meeting, and honestly looking forward to it. I don't know the serenity prayer yet, but i will learn so i can say it with them. I'm excited about the future, excited about living "normal" I'm seeing things so clearly now, things make sense.... I'm no longer clouded!! I know it's only 9 days, and I still have a long way to go............... but I'm pushing forward, I WILL get there!! Love to all of you thank you so so very much for your ongoing support it means the world to me... and it's keeping me strong!! xo

[jibi07]

I have before woken up and had a drink to cure the hangover that was more than 20 yrs ago and have never since cause it was disgusting lol went to second meeting tonight I didn't share " yet" but I listened and spoke to a cpl members after..... It was nice and I felt energized and eager for the next meeting!!! Thanks again!!! I will post my day 10 tomorrow !!! :-)

[weaver71]

You are fine, it sounds like you have similar beliefs to many religions. Ancestors play a major role in many faiths. ViC is right, don't worry about what others think of you, worry about what you think of you. Who do you want to be, how can you get there? The thing is, why do you use? It's different for everyone. Make sure you don't start drinking for those reasons. It's easy to do without noticing. Then you wake up one day and need a little hair of the dog that bit you. Booze cures a hangover, just like pills cure withdrawal. It become compulsive and habitual. Not saying you can't drink, but do it for fun or relaxing only and keep an eye on your reasoning. You can have any higher power you want, but you have to grow. Most addicts never sit dormant. They work recovery or they get high. Stay in recovery, especially when you feel great. For one, you inspire people, and also, nothing is forever. You will have good days and bad days, share them all. It all falls into to place over time.

[jibi07]

Thanks that makes total sense..... I am going to hang on to that one little vice, don't need to advertise it i guess, lol, for me, one did not go with the other, i did not have to have drinks to take my pills, or vice versa....i have never been dependant on booze, omg, i cant take the flipping hangover, who in the right mind gets addicted to that......... coming from an addict, hahha... oh lord what a day it's been!! I'm in such high spirits, everything feels good!!

[VICourageous]

You will be fine. Sounds like you have some control there. Just like AA some of them get prescribed Meds and they do not abuse them..There really is no set rules. You will fit right in with the NA then. The whole thing is for whatever works for us or you..You are the one who will benefit in your own recovery. Not one shoe fits all when working your recovery but one shoe fits all when we become addicted to something. I always say sometimes I wish I was addicted to shopping. I might have been broke but not broken..Ha!! Keep it up and do not worry about this or that. Just get the support in your area so you do not go back to the compulsive behavior of using.

[jibi07]

Thanks Weaver, I guess I just have to keep going to get it... understand it..... I have also used that word "god" but, do i really believe there is one.... not really, I do believe in a higher power, my higher power is my mom and brothers spirits, so when if i pray, its to them, not god..... i hope i dont sound like a bad person now, LOL, i totally do not mean to. I guess I just have lots to learn about the whole program!!!

[jibi07]

hey, as far as alcohol, something i have never had an issue with, don't get me wrong, I like to enjoy a cooler once in a while, but thats the extinct of that, however, I just learned that NA considers that a drug, so it's a nono, that will be hard, bc like i said, i'm a very casual drinker, and really don't wanna give up all my vices..... make sense??? So i'm confused on that one. I read the " just for today " a few times today myself, and everytime I read it i felt better about my future...... thanks again!

[weaver71]

I am not religious either, though I use religious terms to describe the indescribable. No, god does not have to be your higher power. Mention to the secretary that you don't know what to make of higher power, ask if that can be the topic. It's a popular one. Many if the authors of the Big Book where atheists. It's not hard to imagine something more powerful than me. People with more clean time seem to have more power than me. Humility and open-Mindedness are what is important. I focused on sayings, "first things first, keep it simple stupid, progress over perfection, easy does it." Watch your expectations, give yourself a break. I was in bad shape my first meeting. I had to take baby steps, take what helps and leave the rest. We are our strongest critic and judge, remember that an honest moral inventory includes strengths and positive pets of your character. You are right on track, even not knowing what to think is natural right now. Progress over perfection is ever reminding us to place principles above personality. Congrats on your progress.

[VICourageous]

Hi. I go to both AA/NA too! Have not had a drink in over 8 years but I just sub my pills instead. So my days are only 268 in both. Alot of people go in and do not believe in God.This is OK. You will feel some kind of spirit working for you other then your self. That is why they say we give it to something other then your self. I too had to go to many, many meetings until I got the right sponsor for me..She is stubborn and to the point just like me..Ohhh She can scare me..No Just Kidding. You can find a temporary one for a while until you find some one you click with. I like going to both. They have become crossed addiction any way. For me there is something about AA that seems more caring and I feel the spirit very strong in them..I feel it in NA to but something is just different.Maybe it is all the old timers in AA..Ha! The 12 Steps are Steps that you will work over and over as you process further toward life. It only took 2 drunks to get together and Bam! I can not believe how it all is so true and how it does work for the best. I also love "Just for Today" It never fails every time they read it this is what was going on for me in the same day. Very Awesome reading. You are doing great so keep it up..I am happy for you.

[jibi07]

Hey Over and Jbean.... thanks so much.... I am feeling much better, and I am doing it!! :-) Thanks again

[jibi07]

Hi deb, actually 2 girls at the meeting gave me their numbers, I have already spoken with each today :-) I don't have a sponsor yet, I may wait a couple meetings before seeking one out.... I have so much support this time around that failing is NOT an option..........I won't let it be!!

[jibi07]

hi weaver, i have read it a few times today already, they gave me many pamphletts to read, many of them mention " god " i'm not a religious person, when i got married, we had our minister take all the religious stuff out, so i was not really sure what to think of "that" part of it, I have my own higher power.... and it's not god........... is that bad? I'm also learning the 12 steps.... I do find it all interesting! I didn't feel judged, like I thought I would..... its so awesome!

[jibi07]

hi bam, your so right, after i left, my energy felt recharged, and I felt more sure that i'm kicking this habit for good! ;-)

[jibi07]

Hi Open I'm happy I made your day, thats awesome, cause everyday when I read what you guys write back to me, that makes my day too!! Your right about how i was feeling going into the meeting, I was not sure what to expect, I was scared actually, shaking.... nervous.... all the emotions... but as i sat and listened, i started to relax, and feel warm, and welcomed.... so very exciting.

[jibi07]

Hi Belle, thank you, I am Happy, I have not felt this happy "naturally" in a long time, i had forgotten how good it feels.... amazing!!

[jibi07]

Hi Jane, thank you very much... I didn't know I was going to get a keychain first meeting, lol, it's awesome, I love it.. can't wait for my next one, and I will get it ;-)

[Overwhelmed10]

Congrats you are doing great!! I love your honesty and am so glad you have came this far.  It's so hard but you can and ARE doing it! Wow! You go girl!!

[Jbean77]

Congrats! It's great to hear you are feeling better and better!

[debsgotcurves]

Congrats!  So happy to hear you got your white keychain. It's an amazing feeling. Keep going, it's the best way to always have support in your corner.  It's awesome here too, but having actual people that you can call and reach out to when the cravings come or the disease starts playing it's mind fu** games with you(and it will), its really the best. Find a sponsor or at least for now get a few numbers of women you can call. They will be the ones who will be physically present for you if things get hairy.  Soooo happy for you. Keep posting as you are an inspiration to all here too.  Thanks!!

[weaver71]

Really meditate on the serenity prayer. If you really feel it and its meaning, it is easy to memorize. It is a prayer for 3 important parts of recovery: serenity, courage, and wisdom, which bring acceptance and change. My grandmother had the prayer on her wall, she was the opposite of an addict. Who could not benefit from the wisdom in the 12 steps. I always point out that the big book doesn't mention drugs or alcohol after ch1. It is mostly about inner and social growth and it's success is written on the hearts of meeting members. No wonder you got so excited, you have so much to look forward to. Another saying for those rough times is, don't give up just before a miracle. You are on track and shining. Glad you found aftercare so easy to join. The promises are real, keep your eyes on the prize.

[bama88]

I'm so proud of your post!! Keep up the good work. I love going to AA and NA....I found a lot of support there. And love and friendship. There's something about going that recharges my energy.  Keep your guard up

[OpenMind24hours]

What happened to you last night is contagious. I know the feeling!!! The white keychain and all the hugs. Gave you a huge blast of confidence that you're going to be okay, didn't it? Tell ya what, it gives me goosebumps just to read your post this morning. It's made my day already, and the rest of the day is all gravy for me! Thank you! Nuggets like this is what keeps me here on this forum.

Just reading it tells me you've got this. You didn't get that NA meeting... it got you!! It put your mind at rest and now you have HOPE! You went there apprehensive and came home filled with hope. Believe it or not you have a power greater than you in your life and you are about to enter a world where you will soon be grateful that you are a recovering addict. God bless you and keep rocking!

[BelleFemme]

I am so happy for you! Happy that you chose to take your life back...happy that your post seems happy...happy that you found a place you feel comfortable. Congrats on your 9 days! May every clean day after this find you happier!


Belle

[butterbean841]

Hi There, congrats on 9 days clean, congrats on your first meeting, congrats on your first keychain, congrats on just about everything....you're really doing this...what an inspiring post. Thanks for sharing such positive thoughts with us....you are amazing!
Jane x