For the past ten years, I have taken vicodin. At the beginning, it started as wisdom tooth medication, and then a family member of mine got a seemingly unlimited supply. It got a bit recreational/habitual at that point. For years, it was pretty under control. I'd take maybe two a night, three or four on a weekend at the /most/. I'd have no problem going days without, even though I definitely would rather not have.
About eight months ago, I started using them as stress management. Stress occured at work, so I made the mistake of starting to take them right away in the morning. That led to wanting another on a comedown in the afternoon. Then, for the recreational angle on weekends, suddenly I had to take two right away in the morning to get the high. Suddenly, taking one just made me feel normal.
I kept that going, and suddenly I was taking 10-12 a day. If I took few less, that just meant that I didn't have any. I'd then take the train out to the burbs to my familys house, and pick up another 30 or so. Two days later, rinse and repeat.
I have an amazingly supportive, nonjudgmental wife who has gently asked me to quit a few times. You probably know this story, but I had a lot of excuses. I'd go for a weekend date, but then say "I don't want to sit around the apartment all day with nothing". I'd be out on a Tuesday morning and tell my wife "That's it then, I'll quit". Maybe I'd get through that night, very very awake. Work then induced some unbelievable stress, my condition not helping at all, and I'd head out to the burbs to pick up another 30. "Not yet, its too stressful right now" My wife always kissed me and smiled and said she knew I'd get there.
We finally picked a 3 day weekend(Thank you MLK) and decided the only way to go was to do it cold turkey, and deal with the days of pain.
We got through days 1 and most of day 2, and I was so tired, and so crawling. I found this site right at that time, and can't explain what that did for me. I am able to talk to my wife, but here, all of you know exactly what I'm feeling, and I know how you are feeling. Suddenly, we're all feeling a little better, and here's all the info I could ask for about what I can do to give me a better chance.
I got to the GNC in time to pick up some ingredients to the Thomas Recipe on night 2. I still didn't sleep much, but I slept just a /little/ better. We started hitting up the hot tub in our building, and wow. Much better.
Day 3 was just a bit better. I was taking the recipe, and for the first time, my hope outweighed the crushing, biting, nagging thought of "I have no vicodin today". My wife kept on telling me so often how much she appreciated what I was doing, bringing me fluids, protein bars, restful leg meds, massaging my legs, prompting me to smoke a little weed. I know folks...I'm so lucky.
Day 4 was the return to work, and I felt human enough to pull through it. I went to the doctor in the afternoon(having scheduled it on Friday), and talked to her about this. She gave me wellbutrin to stop smoking and help with the anxiety that is still there.
Last night, I slept for about three straight hours. Its not good, by a normal standard, but to me, it's that it's /better/. That is all I can ask for.
I am so lucky. I have an amazing wife who gently pulled me out of a downward spiral that was rapidly getting out of hand. Not everyone is able to get out that early.
I am full of hope(and vitamins/supplements). I want all of you to know that I am grateful for all of your words. Though at the time they weren't directed at me, they reached me just when I needed them.
Thanks isn't a strong enough word for it folks.