Days Coming Off Painkillers...

[iknowicandothis]

so after reading forums for a while now, this is the first time i've ever commented. i've been on pain pills for 2 years, then found the inner courage to quit entirely on my own will power. it was a very, very rough struggle, but i made it. i remember always needing to keep ONE pill in my purse, that way i knew that i was CHOOSING to not take it. that stands out in my mind...and it helped greatly, b/c if i had none, then i would run the risk of going into panic mode. by keeping ONE on hand at all times, i was reminding myself of the positive choice i was making. and i became clean for a year, and i remember being happy and living life again!

But then, the pills came back into my life again. A co-worker (and friend) started taking them, and at first i was hesitant to take one, but i did remember how awesome it felt to take one. So i started out slow, thinking i had this under control, but we all know that story...it completely takes over. I've been on them again now for 3 years, and the addiction is much worse than the first time, b/c i cannot keep just one in my purse and overcome the urge to take it...i'll take it in a heartbeat! if i know i won't have enough to last me until i can get more, i have this crazy mindset that i  know i will eventually have to endure the withdrawals and come off them, so it may as well be sooner than later, and i take whatever i have left so i can just hurry up and deal with the comedown. and then once that kicks in, i'm back looking for more b/c i'm 'not ready' to deal with it! for 3 long years i've been back and forth. i've lived these years in a fog...only planning trips and events if i know i'll have some pills. then i 'get sick' a lot (when i run out)...up and down, up and down. i'm so ready for it to be over! but it has to come from within...i need that willpower i had originally. So yesterday i had my last 2 LT 10's, and today is Day 1 with none . i'm determined to make it thru the end of the week, then i know i will have the courage and determination to see it through. i wake up with my stomache hurting, and get horrible anxiety about having to go to work and interact with people when all i wanna do it stay home and do nothing. but i eat yogurt in the morning, take vitamins, and hope for the best. any advice would be greatly appreciated, or words of encouragement...!!

[iknowicandothis]

Thanks for the post! i was beginning to think i was just keeping a daily journal by myself lol! your post came at a good time too...i needed some encourgement. I have been thinking of taking one all day. and what's crazy is i was in control (except for that one time) up until today. what gives?! i know i have a long road ahead of me. like i've heard said, GETTING clean is the easy part, STAYING clean is the hard part. the key is to keep busy and work on productive things and don't allow myself time to ponder if i'm going to screw up again. I had a smoothie for lunch, so got some good nutrition in me, hopefully it makes me feel better! again, thanks for your words!

[dominosarah]

Using is not an option here, staying clean is.  You are stronger than you think and are in control of you now, not your addiction.  Just remember that 1 pill is too many and a 1000 isnt enough.........sara

[iknowicandothis]

i woke up 2 hours before my alarm was set to go off and couldn't get back to sleep last night...had anxiety and hurt stomach. i thought i was done with that! so b/c i didn't get a good night's sleep, i'm tired and lethargic today. not feeling chipper...and i'm letting myself get down and i need to STOP THAT! i have to admit that i have cravings today. i'm not sure if it's b/c i feel down and out that i want a pill so bad, or if that's normal for day 10. and the bad thing about it is i know that some are going to be available to me today. Did it HAVE to be the day i'm feeling particulary weak?!?! This is a test i know...and if i just say NO i'll just continue going thru my day, feel much better when i get off at 5, and make it thru another day and be glad i made it. OR, i can give in and take one, and hate myself the next day. There's only one choice i know, but we all know how i'm feeling right now! Just needed to get my thoughts out...fixing to go to lunch in 30 minutes, and i have the house to myself, so i'll rest and get ready for the second half of the work day and see how it goes!

[iknowicandothis]

well, i get off work in 20  mintues, and of course, i'm catching my second wind! i can't wait to go outside and walk around the neighboorhood w/ my b/f, smelling nature in bloom and starting my new life! i've continued to be positive, as your state of mind has everything to do with it! My spirituality is also recharged!! i've been reading a lot, which is much better than tv, but i have to admit i still need to be a bum and sit on my butt and just watch something else for a while! but reading is good too...reading before bed is good, and in the natural daylight when i can. Positive books, about spirituality and such...
My grandparents are coming visit today too...i had a horrible dream Sat. night that my granny died, from which i woke up crying and continued to cry, even though it was just a dream, b/c the feelings were all too real. I lost my mom when i was 10 to cancer, and my dad raised me and my 2 siblings on his own. he was overprotective and i moved out when i was 18, which caused a huge rift in the family. i moved in w/ my granny and papa (mom's parents) and that didnt' help things b/c my dad didn't care for his inlaws much anyway, so there was a complete lack of communication for a while. i didn't even speak to my siblings. i just didn't wanna deal with facing anyone from my family and asserting that i was 18 and could do what i wanted. so i just DID what i wanted and moved out. Bad decision, but everything happens for a reason. Well, on my 20th birthday my dad passed away. i'll never forget the gutwrenching pain of that knowledge. I never made my peace with him, and the guilt was horrible. the knowledge that i would NEVER AGAIN be able to see or talk to him. i hated myself for going down the path i chose. But about a week after he passed away i had a dream that he was waving to me from afar, and i knew that was his way of telling me everything was okay. it was around this time that i was in a (bad) relationship with a much much older person (my rebelliousness at that time was crazy!) and that's actually where i started taking pills. That was my first bout with them. I never knew they were addictive until after i was addicted, and then i was ashamed that i was addicted. i don't know if i was ever able to really come to terms with losing my parents like that, b/c i was smoking weed, popping pills, and rolling during those years of my life. I recovered, became sober, met my wonderful b/f, then stupidly got hooked on them again. The dream that i had Sat. night about my granny passing away was all too real, b\c that gut-wrenching feeling of something that absolutely happened that you can't change was there...and even though it was just a dream, i know that inevitably they will pass on...we all do. So i'm making the most of what time I have on this Earth, as well as my grandparents and all those i love. This is the dawn of a new era! Before, i used to ignore calls, not feeling like talking if i wasn't hopped up, but not anymore!! Now, i can talk easily with people and like i said in my above posts,, i have humor and carry a conversation splendidly! I'm wondering if that dream was a signal that i need to emotionally sort through what happened with my dad, since the numbing effects of the drugs have worn off...i don't know. But it was definitely eye-opening! well, going home to have an after-work walk, tidy up the house a bit for the visit, then spend the rest of the evening w/ my b/f!

[iknowicandothis]

haha! i know i'm talking mostly to myself but it's still therapeutic for me! Still trying to make it through the day. It's really not as bad as it was last week, in fact it's a huge difference. But i still have a little anxiety...no more physical w/drawals just feel like "blah"...so i'm listening to some oldies! Fun, happy, upbeat songs that i can sing along to. It really helps! I wish i had an office to myself (i share w/ one other girl) so i can really belt some music out ha! I know it's just being at work that has me feeling that way, which is why i consumed so many pills at work just so i could feel happy doing my work. but now that i have clarity of mind back, it's not that bad. But still, i always get my second wind when i see 5:00 is coming, and once i get home i feel so much better! Is that "normal?" i'm trying to adjust to my new life (once again) and i have to understand that some things in life are mundane and there are some things i jsut won't like to do...it won't be like when i was popping pills where ANYTHING i did could be enjoyable. ha! getting my REAL energy back for once! i can't stress enough how happy i am that i made it a week. i'm really looking forward to the end of this week to see how i feel comparatively. Does anyone know how long it'll be before i feel 100% better? are we talking 3 weeks? a month? more than a month?? i really do know in my heart that exercise is the key, and healthy diet. i'm going for a walk when i get home!!

[iknowicandothis]

oh, and one more thing...
when Sunday came, i thought about how all that week i was waiting and waiting for Sunday to come so it could be Day 7 and i would feel much better. and there i was! enjoying Day 7 just as i knew it would come around! my body finally caught up with my mental projection of that day! it was really exciting for me. i know i will stand in front of a mirror next Sunday and think about how all THIS week i was waiting to be there too! and by then 2 weeks will be doubly better! So if you're going thru this too, HANG IN THERE!!

[iknowicandothis]

Well, on Apr. 8 i took 2  7.5 vis's. i didn't have them on my mind all day like i used to fiend for them, but a chance opportunity came by and after thinking about it NOT long enough, i took 2. I'm used to taking much more than just that, but i still gave me a small buzz. I immediately felt horribly guilty about it. I didn' t make me feel like i kinda expected it to make me feel...that everything would automatically be better...it wasn't. and i was able to realize that i actually DIDN"T wanna feel that way! the next morning i woke up slightly foggy-headed from it, and during the morning it went away, and i was happy to have my clarity of mind back! i've been going strong ever since...i think that slip-up made me wanna accomplish sobriety even more. Today shouldv'e been my Day 8, but i'll have to subtract a day for my mishap. okay, okay, it should be starting all over, but you know what? i'm keeping it at Day 8! i've still made it this far, and i'm done with the bad physical withdrawals...i actually have some energy and feel overall more balanced. My body and mind are learning to experience life naturally instead of synthetically, which is what they were built to do! I've been much more attentive to my b/f, i have quick wit even, and he's commented that he's got his old g/f back and he loves it! (he knows i used to be on them, but doesn't know about what i've been going thru these past 2-3 years...he just knows i haven't been the girl he fell in love with for a while, and he absolutely loves how the 'old' me is back!) and plus i actually have humor! when he used to talk to me when i was using, i would not pay attention, i would have my own random thoughts and then comment on them out loud while he was talking about something totally different and that would make him upset, and i don't blame him. i couldn't get interested in him or anything he would wanna talk about. i was jealous that he was able to enjoy life so effortlessly and naturally while i was struggling with TRYING to be 'normal' by taking pills every day. don't get me wrong, i'm still not 100% back to "normal", but a DRASTIC improvement! when i used to come home from work using, my mood depended on how many i took and what i had left. if i had just got some, then i wanted to do everything! go out to eat, work in the yard, etc.. and if i didn't have much i would stress about how to get more and wouldn't feel like doing ANYTHING, and be a sour puss and start feeling sick. it's a shame i put him thru that...those damn pills! But i really do feel much much better that when i first started with this withdrawal. i've been taking L-tyrosine, B6, B12, multivitamin, and fish oil, drinking lots of soymilk and eating yogurt...anything with protein. oh, and protein shakes too. So for everyone out there going thru what i'm going thru, know that there's light at the end of the tunnel, even though in the beginning it seems like hell. Each day is an improvement. Spending time outdoors helps dramatically. Planting flowers and doing yard work is good excerise and keeps you busy and you feel a sense of accomplishment when you're done. Take any small task and put everything you have into it and get it done...this will reinforce your ability to DO what you put your mind to!!! and even if you slip up (like i did) it's not the end of the world, just get back on that horse and keep going! DON"T use it as an excuse to do down the same path whatever you do. Stay on top! i still can't promise you that if i had any pills in my house that i wouldn't take them. in fact, i know i probably would! and even if i wouldn't, i still would have to battle the demons of contemplating if i would or not, and to me that's just as bad, b/c after all that anxiety and thinking about it, in the past i have ALWAYS chose to take it. my mind will create any rational it can just to have it. So the BEST thing is to NOT keep any around you! haha, this is the complete opposite of quitting my first time, when i HAD to have one on me at all times, just as a security blanket i guess... But this time around, i know the only way to get thru this is to not be around them PERIOD. Oh! and i forgot to mention that my appetite's back! i feel like all the healthy food i've been choosing to eat has helped immeasurably. i'm continuing to eat lots of fish and healthy choices. I'm also walking every day around the neighboorhood w/ my b/f, the walks are getting longer and longer, and soon i'll start jogging and excersizing more. I know for a FACT that your physical state and your mental state go hand in hand. The more fit i get, the better state of mind i will have. I'm seeing the results already and it's only been a week! I have to  make it thru this second week, but i already know it'll be much, much better than last week. I still feel like i could be depressed and have lack of energy, but that's where i change my state of mind and then it's not so bad. Being done with the physical w/drawals allows me to focus more on healing my  mind. i can actually concentrate on things better now. no more fever, very little sneezing, still have minor aches but nothing to complain about. i go to bed naturally tired, not just worn out from a day of popping pills. i wake up naturally feeling okay now too! not like when i used to wake up and HAVE to pop pills first thing before i could even talk to anyone or start getting ready for the day. I know things are going to be okay, and that feels great! i can't say how ELATED i am to have accomplished a week!!! besides my little slip-up, i am going strong!!! on a more personal note, my "movements" in the bathroom are more regular, not all the time and runny like at the beginning! yay! and on an even more personal note, my sex drive is back somewhat! my first time doing it (Sunday) since coming off was incredible! i wasn't foggy headed, or just going thru the motions like i used to do depending on my pill intake...it was awesome! i was able to enjoy the entire experience and feel better sensations! okay, i'll stop now, but you get the point! it's SO much better to be natural! NATURAL! not dependant, but IN-DEPENDANT!!! life is good, and it's a shame i let it pass me up for these past few years. i'm at the prime of my life (27 next month) but i used to feel like an old lady the way those pills had me. waking up not being able to function and being so so achy until i had some. not anymore!! excersize is the key, and that's what my focus will be this week, in addition to staying positive!

[iknowicandothis]

thanks for the post michele! i know i sound positive, and i am, but it takes quite an effort! it's not easy. Day 7 for me will be Sunday, so i look forward to that day! i'll be able to relax and do things i wanna do (in comparison to doing things i DON"T wanna do at work! lol) and do a little yard work, house work, etc...i'll try to get in a good amount of exercise over the weekend, go for several walks and use my pilates ball to stretch out all my muscles and get me limber again! i feel like i'm walking slumped over, and i know it's b/c i am! i know that your physical condition directly affects your mental condition, so that's my goal! besides, i have about 10 lbs. i'd like to lose anyway and i wanna get toned. it'll be a good hobby to fill my time in and start my new life! i haven't weighed myself lately, but i'm sure i'm losing weight just from not eating much during these w/drawals. Yes, it's much better than days 1 or 2, and i'm thankful for that. Can't wait to be at 7 days, then 14 days, then 3 weeks, then a month! at the end of a month i'll go back and read all my posts and pat myself on the back for the accomplishment of a lifetime!! i don't see much wrinkles on you.. you actually remind me of a friend I have...you look very similiar! (which is a compliment!) i've been taking pepto-bismal chewable tablets for my stomache aches, hope they go away after the weekend at least...then my next trial will be to make it thru another work week!

[micheleTX]

hi!  But it is getting easier, isn't it?  You sound really good, very positive and you are feeling better physically.  Each day will get better, energy will return and you will feel heaps better by day 7, I know this!  I am proud of you, you are doing fantastic going to work and all, and walking last night helped out I know that too.  I do the same thing, in the mirror lol, I never looked at myself much n the mirror, I don't know why.  But I use a bunch of face products now that I am older and getting more wrinkly (ugh), but I look at my eyes and they look pretty good!!  And the face cream is really helping lessen them laugh lines HAHA...
I hope you have a wonderful day today, I know you will feel better and better.  The anxiety in the stomach will go away too.  Good for you for getting yogurt and the vitamins, that is a really good thing.  The B-12 and 6 will give you energy after a few days of taking it.
Congratulations on day 4 girl!!  Keep strong and praying for you :)

[iknowicandothis]

today starts Day 4! i'm excited that i'm getting further away from days 1 and 2 and moving forward thru this! i'm feeling a little better today. i actually slept pretty good last night. i took 2 benedryls to help me sleep, and i waited until i felt drowsy before going to bed and i fell asleep good. i woke up before my alarm this morning and my stomache started hurting like it does every morning before i go to work. But it doesn't do that on the weekends! i know it's the anxiety of waking up to face another day, much less be at work and function in front of others! i went to the health food store yesterday and bought some L-Tyrosine and protein shakes. i took 2 this morning w/ lots of water on empty stomache, and took B-6 to help w/ absorption, then drank protein shake and brought yogurt to eat at work. from what i've been reading, it's important to eat lots of protein-rich things, like yogurt, and the L-Tyrosine is what is needed for the protein to attach itself to. also taking B-12 for energy, a multivitamin, and fish oil. Today i don't feel physically sick really, just upset stomache (a little) and malaise and lack of motivation/energy. But i know i have to make it through another day, so i'll  make the best of it! it takes me longer to accomplish projects at work, and each task i do is with deliberate effort, b/c man, i sure don't feel like doing anything but staying home, curling up and watching movies! i'm very proud of myself for making it to Day 4...this time around it wasn't as bad as other times, and i attribute it to my determination and trying to stay positive, but it's still not easy!

[iknowicandothis]

Almost through the work day...it hasn't been too bad. The worst times for me is waking up and making it through the morning. I go home for lunch and rest a bit, eat very little, and head back to work. i have but an hour left, so after lunch goes a little quicker for me. I kept busy today so that helps. i have an office job, so i'm able to stay sitting by myself all day at a computer. thank goodness i don't have my old job as a salesperson--i couldn't imagine being on my feet walking around talking to people all day! i'm also able to visit the forums and other sites to help get my mind off the drugs, and on something better for my mind. As much as i'd like to take JUST ONE today, i know that in a few hours that would wear off and i'll be back in the same boat. so i'll JUST SAY NO!! Day 3 is coming to a close (after work i can relax and it's not that bad). Still feeling physical discomfort, but mostly a heavy feeling of anxiety and am very weary. My stomach aches, and i think it's from anxiety. It's mostly mental, and it's easy to slip into depression and say 'woe is me!' but i'm not letting myself do that this time...i've been doing my best to stay positive, and i've discovered that if you make yourself smile and listen to good music, it's not so bad. it's when you don't have anything to occupy your mind that those bad thoughts slip in. I watched a movie called "What the Bleep do We Know", and part of it explains about the brain circuitry in your brain and how we form habits and addictions, and how you have the power to re-wire your brain and how it's done. I know it sounds like science, blah blah blah, but it's really very good and relates to our everyday life and activities/choices! they combine acting and explanations, and it was a breakthrough for me to realize how MUCH we can do! anyway, that's part of my 'therapy', along with writing on here helps greatly. And when i get home i look at myself in the mirror (still impressed with how big my pupils are now i'm not high!) and talk to myself about the day, what i've accomplished, and what my goals are for tomorrow (day 4), and even though i might look like a nut job to anyone walking in on me! Ha! oh well, call me crazy, but it just might be 'normal'! Being outside in the fresh air helps tremendously as well. Making myself do certain tasks (even though i really don't want to) is also helping. I went for a walk around the neighborhood after work yesterday and even though it got to be uncomfortable, it paid off in that i was proud of myself and i know it helped. it exercised my restless legs and released some endorphins! having been through all this many times before, i know that the best way to get thru it is to WANT it and look forward to the end results, instead of wallowing in how much it *****. But Man, does it s u c k !! but i'm staying focused on the goal, which is (first of all) to make it through the rest of this work week, then through the weekend. Sunday will be day 7, and then i have to make it through another work week (which should be considerably better) and weekend, and by then (2 weeks) i should be much, much better looking forward to a bright future! i've never made it past one week off pills these past 3 years, so to reach 2 weeks would be a massive success for me, one i know i have to achieve. then on to 3 weeks, then a month! i'm sorry i know this post is a bunch of rambling, but it helps me and my mind..!

[iknowicandothis]

Congrats yourself! so that's 2 of us on day 3. i've been on "day 3" many times before, and some times are definitely worse than others. usually the worst times were when i wasn't really ready to quit, i had just run out and it would be a few days before i could get more. so i had added stress and anxiety to my w/drawals b/c i was still looking for them everywhere and consumed by them. This time is a bit different, b/c even though a tiny little voice is always begging for me to take one, i know i will only have to start this process over once again, and what's the point?? i'll just keep spinning my wheels and that's not gonna get me far, obviously, a few years later and i'm still dealing with all this! i don't really want any b/c i'm determined to make this time count. the next opportunity i'll have to get some is Monday, but i don't really have any money for any so that'll help w/ my just saying NO! plus, by that time i'll be on day 8, and i'll not wanna ruin what i've accomplished, b/c i know myself all to well...i would probably get about 5 30mg roxi's (b/c that's what's available, plus they're my fave), spend about a hundred dollars i don't have, tell myself i'll just take a half a day only when i need it (or THINK i need it), but i'll really go thru them all in a day or 2, and i'll have nothing to show for that money lost and i'll have put myself thru the roller coaster ride again. so i'll just say NO! i'm sure i'll be on here that day looking for the strength to overcome, but i'm confident in myself. it is a very strong conscience effort to make it thru the day w/out submitting to how my body feels and constantly complaining to myself. keeping busy def. helps, but i have to take many breaks to sit down. stay in touch!

[iknowicandothis]

thanks for your post! it's really encouraging to hear from other's who know exactly what i'm going thru. i have to use strong mind-over-matter when it comes to doing most things...like going to the store or going out for a walk, when all my body is screaming for is to lay down and curl up. But i know it's getting my brain going not allowing it to wallow in self-misery. yeah, it ***** balls, but i'm determined to let my spirit sing high, as i know this physical body is just a temporary vessel for me, and i've got to tolerate physical pain and discomfort for a while, but that's only so i can be more in tune with my true self. THAT is what's keeping me going. i've been reading positive books and inspirational quotes and that helps tremendously. stay in touch!

[Bad_Obsession]

Congrats on Day 3!  I know how you feel about the work thing!  I am right there with you.....at work and pushing thru.  I am also on day 3.  I dont feel as bad as I did the last time I tried to quit on day 3, and I am sooo thankful for that.  It's hard to belive that 4 days ago, I was taking (25) 10mg vicoden a day.  Just stay busy (as hard as that is) and fight for your life!  You can do this!

[micheleTX]

yay!  and congratulations on day 3!  My day 3 I think I wanted to die.  But I didn't thank the Good Lord above and happier now than I've ever been, and also pretty much pain free!  woohoo!  you go girl!  I did find this last time when I was feeling horrible that getting out and doing things which I seriously didn't want to do really helped me in the long run.  My mother in law is a go getter and she made me (ha) well, she asked me to go with her on her errands and church runs and such, and it really helped, so I'll bet you will feel better with working and doing whatever ya gotta do this weekend, instead of sitting/laying around the house.  I am rootin for ya 100% and praying you will feel great soon!!  Have a good day at work and just think, it will only get better and better!!  God bless you..
MIchele

[iknowicandothis]

so, here i am at the morning of my second day. i'm keeping my spirits high, but it's not always easy. last night i had horrible stomach-aches, and sweated most of the night. Really didn't feel like coming to work, but i've gotta fight thru it. Took vitamins this morning and drinking lots of water. not eating very much, but what i do eat i make sure is whole foods (fruit, veggies, etc) i'm so ready to be past this!! i've told myself before that this will be the last time i'll go thru this, but obviously that didn't work out. But this time is different. i've got determination like i never had before. heck, i'm even on the computer for the first time writing about it! and besides, i have depleted all my money and literally HAVE to stop now. too many years i've wasted living a fake life that i made myself and everyone believe was near perfect. This might sound crazy, but once i got home from work yesterday and was able to relax, sit/lay down, and do my own thing, i didn't feel too too bad anymore. for me, it's going to work that's the worst part about this. or during the weekend, to have plans is rough. i have plans to do something sunday that's been planned for a while, and that'll be my day 5, so i should be feeling much better. and then a whole other week of work. and by THAT time, i should be well on my way to recovery!! and once i hit an entire month, watch out!! that's what i've gotta keep my eye on is the goal. not lose myself in the pain and discomfort of the actual w/drawal, b/c that's only temporary. Actually, i'll be calling this day 3...it'll make me feel better. b/c monday i had my last 2 LT 10's (of which i normally took 8-10 a day) so i didn't really feel the effect, and started w/drawal early in that day and night. so, here's to the start of day 3!!

[iknowicandothis]

cleanmom: thanks for your reply! i checked the health page and got great advice...i know i need support, and hopefully this forum can help out.. Nobody knows about this in my personal life. Thanks for the advice!

MicheleTX:  i've read several of your posts from other threads, and you're at a place i'm hoping to soon be! yes, it's the mental that's the worst...as bad as the physical is, that's over sooner than the depression/mental anxiety that i'll be going thru...i've been making myself smile (as silly as that sounds!) thru-out the day, and consciencely put myself in a good place in my head--and it works! for a little while, anyway! I'll be using this forum as my support...Thanks for your reply!!

[micheleTX]

you sound great for the first day!  I was such a mess...you know that story too...You sound really strong and have been thru this before so you know what is ahead physically, it's the mental that hurts us most.  We have to - I don't have the right words im sure, we have to start over in a way, try to get some support in any form you can.  It was this forum (and still is) for me, that and my husband whom I went thru it all with.  So we can talk about it and all that.  You need someone to talk to, for sure!  Keep posting, you know lots of great folks here that have been thru it or are going thru it!  God bless and good luck to you :)

[iknowicandothis]

thanks...i'm fortunate enough to live w/in 5 minutes from my work, so i was able to go home for lunch, eat a little fruit (no appetite), and sit outside for a while and that helped. it's so hard trying to maintain your personality with others when on the inside you're feeling miserable. i really wish i didn't have to work for a few days, but i'm not that lucky. After work i'll be going for a nice walk around the neighboorhood (even though i know i won't outwardly feel like it!) to comtemplate things and clear my head, and hopefully the exercise will make me feel better mentally and physically! i'm trucking thru this, and will stay determined to make this time count. oh how many times i've been thru this, only to give in and start all over. Not this time!! it's been too long now and i'm ready. it's something that MUST be done, that's what i keep telling myself!!

ajumbledmess:  thanks for the encouragement...4 days is really a grand feat! i'll be there in 3 more days...and continue strong with you!

[cleanmom]

The sooner you realize that this disease has nothing to do with willpower the better off you will be. If this were the case, there wouldnt be very many addicts out there. It does, however, have a lot more to do with getting yourself some support and recovery to give yourself the best possible chance at preventing relapse. A substance abuse counselor would be great, and is also my personal favorite. You will get a lot of one on one time and can work on the issues that are yours alone. Also, try to get to some NA meetings. There, you will get quite a bit of education about this disease as well as some great support amongst fellow sufferers. Please check the Health Pages here. It is at the top right of this page. There you can find tons of suggestions on supplements to help get your health back and make the withdrawals a bit more bearable. Also, dont be afraid to talk with your doctor about this. They have heard it all before anyway, and can give you some meds to make this a bit more comfortable for you to get through. And lastly, we are here for you. Please post as much as you need to for some support. We all have been or are currently where you are now and can help each other out. Best of luck to you and stay strong. God Bless. Luv, Jacky

[ajumbledmess]

you hang in there.  You're gonna make it.  This ***** for sure but as 4 days has shown me...it's possible.