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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

Desperately seeking answers!!!

Ok, well Ive been off and on this forum for answers and I ALWAYS get such a good response from all of you, this time im at the point of NO RETURN!! Seriously! So from anyone that does not know my story, here it is "in a nutshell". My boyfriend and I have been addicted to percs, vics, oxys, basically anything thats around that week. We spend OVER $700 a week on pills, sometimes more when the good ones come in. Well, bottom line, WE NEED TO STOP NOW! We have 5 children together, the oldest 13 and the youngest 6 months. Its a VERY busy life for us and with the pills, it seems easy. But we are killing ourselves and our babies need us! We are READY to stop. I thought I was going to be stronger than my boyfriend, since his tollerance is way higher, but now i think i am much weaker than he. Heres where we are now. I am still taking them... ran out of percs yesterday and only have the weak 5mg vics today. Yesterday my boyfriend took his first Suboxone. We are both so ready that he decided to go first, actually I was supposed to, but I got scared and told him to do it first and if it worked, I would start tomorrow! SO, He took a 4mg Sub yesterday ,he said he was feeling light w/d (stomach aches, chills, cold sweats) but was still able to move around. He took the second one early this morning, he says he just feels normal, not in w/d but just normal (like the feeling of coming down with not having a pill for 4 hours). I am so proud of him, so this is going to be day 2 for him with no pills at all!! (well except for the Sub). So we are going to try REALLY hard to stick to a 21-30 day Sub taper plan and get off. ITS TIME NOW! Before we hit rock bottom! So my turn is tomorrow, IM SCARED TO DEATH! I dont know if I can, seriously! I want to so bad , and I can let him down. Im in tears typing this... Im at work, we both work fulltime. Im a paralegal, he is a Semi driver. If he can do it, why cant I? I know I want to and I KNOW I am so ready. I also know that once we stop pill, I KNOW we will NEVER go back!! We want our lives back! I can not believe how good he is doing!! But I need to be strong too, but how? If anyone has Suboxone experience, PLEASE write to me, please tell me its going to be okay and that I can do it! Im scared of w/d so bad! If I knew I would have no w/d i would stop pills in a heart beat, I dont even take them for the buzz anymore, I just take the minimum I possibly can, just to stay away from the w/d.  If you have taken it, what did you first feel? Am I still going to feel w/d? My boyfriend says he just feels normal, but I dont understand. Sorry I am rumbling, i dont even know if this post is going to make sense, im just scared and torn up inside, i just want to stop. i wish i could be put to sleep for 2 weeks and have them drain the opiates out of my body so that when i wake up, i would feel ok. i dont want to buy another pill EVER AGAIN!!!  Please tell me your experience with a short term Sub use and did it work for you?
14 Responses
Avatar universal
Thank you. I really am going to give it a try. Like i said i usually will take whatever we can find and i can usually get the the good 10-20 mg percs, but today we only found the 5mg vics, so im sweating it out a little already. I tell myself EVERYDAY "why did I EVER start this"  I am not even the type of person who you would think twice about doing something like this. NO ONE even knows, not even my family!!! Its an awful lie I have been living and I dont want to anymore! Im so DONE. Do you honestly think Suboxones work?
Avatar universal
Welcome back, I remember you. I know nothing about the sub I went c/t. Sometimes going through w/d in my opinion is good ( he** at the time) but after 6 months they are still fresh in my mind and I think of that when I think I may want a pill. everyone is different though and I was off for the summer and my husband and parents found out and were a great support. I wish you the best I know it is such a struggle everyday but it gets easier and so much better.
764364 tn?1234718411
have you ever thought about methadone?
Avatar universal
Thank you. I just want to be strong enough to do it. You know with 5 kids at home and a full time job, WHERE and WHEN do I begin? Its hard, I dont have time to be sick really. Thats what scares me too! I seriously will not ever go through this again, EVER! Thats how angry I am at these damn things!  I can not tell anyone about this addiction either, so I do not want to call my grandma over for help with the kids and the house. My boyfriend is a truck driver and is home only 3 nights a week, so I have to make a serious plan, a plan that will work for my family and my time schedule! Thats what makes it so easy to just take a damn pill, it just works better that way. I hate this battle, I hate these feelings! I want out of this prison around my body!  I would never use methadone, that scares me even more.
764364 tn?1234718411
methadone is a great drug, for people whom Suboxane doesnt work.
764364 tn?1234718411
methadone scares you more than WDs?
Avatar universal
Do you have any ideas for a plan? I have 3 kids one at the time was 2 months old. I do not know if I could have done it w/o help. Can you get the "flu" for a few days. I can relate I was like supermom (I thought) I could get up with baby, run my other 2 kids around, clean, cook and thought It was great. I do not think any of us are the type of people that would have thought they would have ever done this but it happens. I used to never even take any OTC. I am a mother, a wife,a nurse, a friend, a daughter and I did not think I would ever become a addict, addiction can get anyone. Aftercare is important, for me it helps with the guilt and dealing with stress and triggers. I hope you do this. You can find a way.
Avatar universal
Heather, Thank you for your kind words. Your message again, brought these damn tears again. When I think of my babies, it makes me feel like such a loser, such a bad mom!! Thats why i need to do this, FOR REALS this time. I always say, ok this is it, this is it but not once have I followed through with it. So tomorrow I am taking my first Suboxone, my boyfriend and I will both use the 30 day taper schedule and i hope and pray I can! Im honestly terrified, but I want out!!

tbirds, - the reason I am scared of the methadone more than w/ds is because i have heard once you try methadone its harder than pills to get off!
Avatar universal
as a ten yr user of methaodne and a parent i can tell you that methadone is not an solution to the disease of addiction
i will keep my mouth shut about the suboxone, because you have already decided to use it as a detox tool
keep in mind that most people who get on methadone and suboxone stay on the drugs for year, they go into the situation thinking they are going to use it as a comfort med during opiate wd, then realize that the matience drug is very hard to get out of their system,
with that in mind i suggest that you make it a point to visit as many na meetings as possible, if you do not find recovery trust me you will loose your kids
i thought i was safe on methadone because i got it leagally through a clinic, but i still lost my kids while participating in a matinece program, the courts do not see you as clean if you are on these drugs and dss or a family member could step in any minute and take your kids
this is not to scare you but to make you aware of the possibilities, my husband and i decided to go into a detox facility in 04, i have been clean ever since, and enjoying my new life without drugs, i feel free, i am not longer a slave to the methaodne clinic or some sub. doctor, thats how i know i am free, i no longer depend on a drug to maintain myself!
i wish you the best of luck,
Avatar universal
You are scared for no reason. Suboxone feels great after years of fiending and fixing. I would never get wd's when making the switch from oxy to suboxone. In fact it was a much welcome relief. If you are able to wait the full 24 hours between using your pills, and switching to suboxone, I think you'll feel very good after taking it. I dont believe you HAVE to wait that entire time, but its said that you should not take it unless you notice 2 or 3 wd symptoms, (insomnia, diarrhea, cold sweats, anxiety, etc.). So if I was in your shoes, I would finish off the vike's, wait as long as I could before feeling hopeless, and then put 2 to 4 mg's of sub under my tongue. I dont think you will even need to take off work. After years of drug abuse subs are a good idea for you. I was on them for a couple years, until tapering off a month ago. I had very mild wd's. I am now clean, and I feel good. Best of luck to you!
199177 tn?1490502134
The 21 day sub taper sounds like a very good idea .You can do it we will help you threw .
avis
Avatar universal
You are not a loser or a bad mom, sometimes we make bad choices. I feel guilty often when I look at my children my 2 oldest know and I felt like a horrible parent but they love me just the same. I wish you could confide in someone and get some help with the kids you need to focus on you right now. I do not mean to upset you, I can tell you are struggling so much with this. What does your boyfriend suggest?
Avatar universal
When one detoxes from methadone without any medicine to help about how many days wil  it take for the muscle cramps and spasms to stop please?
thanks
Avatar universal
i kicked a 240mg methadone habit in 2004, it took me about a year to feel really healthy, but i was very very sick, my body had become atrophied as a result of the suboxone then the methadone
so you need to take into account your over all health, dose amount and leanght of time you have been on the matinence dope
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