Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

Didn't call-one more day,one more night

I picked the phone up, I dialed, I hung up quick ....about 5 times!!  I can't believe I didn't go through with it.  THIS IS A MIRACLE.  I will see what tomorrow brings, for the moment I am going to dwell in my success of one more night.  Also dwelling in the depths of withdraw and I feel sick.  My back is killin me.  My next step is to get some specific supliments and then get back on my usual healthy routine...eating wise...I haven't taken very good care of myself lately.
Will go now...decided to spend the night praying, reading, resting, watching tv, already decided tomorrow will be more of the same.  If this is what it takes...One thing I DO NOT FEEL TONIGHT....guilt.  Have a great night folks.  I can't stay on right now, reading about drugs is making me want drugs syndrome. Peace~

Here is hoping everyone is ok.  If not, post me, I can listen or we can talk.  I am here to listen always.
6 Responses
Avatar universal
thats a great plan...enjoy your night, and post back soon...

and congrats on not making the call...thank you...

love natasha
Avatar universal
i'm glad to hear that. did you read my post to you below?
i hope you have a good night. if you have yahoo and want to IM my ID is the same  tink1517

your doing a great job in a very tough situation. give yuorself a pat on the back girl :)

Avatar universal
It is two hours later...I feel quite grown up and mature at the moment.  Cut the dogs hair, toenails, (she is a german sheperd...not much of a haircut. don't want  you to believe she is a poodle or something)  brushed the dog and cats.  Vacuumed up a shitload of hair because I decided to do it on the kitchen floor.  Going outside is not an option, it is just too cold and snowy.  

I imagagine tonight...I imagine, what would it be like to feel like this all the time...this fragment of warmth and light I feel.  This power...this dream of filling my time with productive activity THAT I LOVE...not even talking about work, but hobbies, hair (lots of bleach beach), shopping, free to travel, community work, working with children and families and neighbors...THOSE THINGS COULD BE EVERYDAY choices in our lives!!  No thoughts of pills and dates, and bottles, and "friends"calling.  Planning day after week after month around refill dates.  It would be so much easier and more fun.  Just a feeting thought through my head tonight.  

Didn't last long, ya if they were here, I'd down em.  But the stars have aligned for me to be right here, right now, tonight, struggling for that freedom.  And doing a pretty dam good job of it so far!            
Avatar universal
man i wish we had some snow...could you pass some along to me...we didnt even have an inch this year...i would love to sit on my deck and see everything lit by the moon...so pure and so beautiful...

whats your dogs name, and how old?...i have a yappy chihuahua, named kasey after nascars kasey kahne...yap, yap,yap,yap,yap...all day...lol...

im glad you found something to occupy your mind...im still thinking of you...

love ya, natasha
Avatar universal
Glad your back.  Summer's 14 this year.  She is my baby.
Ya it felt good to do something.  Wierd how my emotions change minute by minute.  I swear to God I was going to connect today.  I can't believe it didn't happen.  But now that it hasn't, and won't tonight, I feel a sense of relief.  And like I said, the guilt is down.  I think I am going to have to celebrate everything I do sober now...just have a freakin party every time i do something on my own...that means ON MY OWN> JUST LITTLE OL ME IN THIS HEAD SOMEWHERE!  It is too great to imagine right now.  It could be soooo fun and different.

Do you find yourself ever laughing your ass off about something...in my case not that particularly funny...but I feel like laughing again, and mostly laugh at myself.  Better than crying I suppose..especially when i am alone like this.  I go stir crazy some days.  Maybe when the big d is over I can get back to some social life.
Avatar universal
Hey its great to know your making a terrific choice creek.
It takes courage, and you've got it brother.

We can choose each day who or what we'll end up serving.
You have access to power through your choices, and faith.
When I'm weak, that's when God inside me can be strong.

Hold on. Hold on, baby.  You can do it.

Laughter is a strong medicine that's good for a soul.
Some times through this that is how I encourage myself...through finding  a train wreck in my mind...laughter.

Your doing great.
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