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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Avatar universal

Didn't jump today but hanging strong with the tapper

So I have 6 pills left and I have been keeping to my taper schedule. Feeling ok except for the worry. I am proud that I have kept the taper and not exceeded it. You guys said I have probably not felt empowered for a long time. I think I feel empowered by sticking to the plan Bec the WD have not been anything significant yet on this sched. I think it's divine intervention that it is my time to quit Bec I can't get anymore after 5 years of getting them pretty easily tho not without feeling like a lowlife for texting my " friend" for refills. I had a dream that my 8 year old was a baby again and he was playing on a way where there were huge boulders that we're giving lose and about to fall on him. I screamed STOP like a maniac and the boulder that was about to fall on him just stopped and he was fine. Maybe it's my mind telling me I have strength and power that I didn't think it was possible to have. I will get through this. I went 13 hours without a pill yesterday and I was fine except a bit of worry and slight lower back pain. I am praying this won't be so bad. We can do this. Life can be good again without these bloody pills. Thank you all for being here. I am sorry I didn't jump but maybe It was part of some divine plan that my connection finally went dry and I had just enough to taper effectively so I can still show up for my kids and family without being incapacitated . They need me and I need to be there for them. If the sickness comes I will have to battle thru. I know this is my time. Thanks again everyone for the love and support on this site. We are all the same no matter what station in life we are at. It's so important to feel I am not trapped in my own head and I can be honest here so I don't feel like a crazy person just talking to myself all day thru this. Peace and love to you all
9 Responses
Avatar universal
Hi....well the taper continues.....6 pills and your done...the  real key here is not to let fear into the equation  it will be what it will be  im a firm believer in Devin intervention ...I have been on this forum since sept of 09 and those that believe in God and pray wile in withdrawal have a ezer time doing this  Jesus cam to set the captives free and there is not to much more captivating the active addiction....I have found prying for  the strength to go threw it rather then for God to take it away worked best for me  I could have never gotten off a 7yr run on 150mg of methadone without him  I had a grueling taper that lasted 8 1/2 month of going in and  out of withdrawal  then when I was finly done I was dope sick for 90 days I literally thought it  was going to kill me...I never lost faith and cryed at worship service at church for 6 months over Gods abundant Grace delivering me  today I do everything I can to stay clean  I hit 3 to 4 N/A meetings a week I speak at the local rehab twice a month and have a amazing life in recovery...N/A step 1....I am powerless over my addiction and my life has become unmanageable...step 2  I came to believe that a power greater then myself could return me to sanity....step 3  I turned my will and my life over to God as I understood him.....the first 3 steps are the guts of this progam  if your a Christian this progam will help you apply Gods will and power in your life....Google a N/A meeting in your area  keep posting for support we will walk you threw this hell your life has become.....May Gods abundant Grace rain on you
.......................................Gnarly...........................
1 Comments
Thank you Gnarly. I will rely on my faith to get through this. Your story inspires me it can be done. There is hope. I will keep posting.
Avatar universal
if you get a chance  click on my nic/name it will bring you to my home page scroll down the center  of the page to my journals and read ''where is God in all this''.................Gnarly
2 Comments
I will. Thanks so much
Hi Gnarly. I am here in your site. Your story is very inspiring. You been through hell and back and it sounds like the other side is pretty damn good. When ( and I say when) I get through this I will take the first vacation with my family clean and drug free since 5 years ago before this nightmare started , albeit I will probably feel like crap . Just going to have to muscle through for myself and for them. Thanks again for what you do. Helping others is the greatest gift we can give to this effed up world. I hope your generosity comes back to you ten fold. Talk soon.
6990909 tn?1435275816
You don't have to apologize to anybody for continuing with your taper.  This is your journey.  The most important thing you can do right now is to stay strong and positive.  Keep your brain distracted with the kiddos, your exercise, your job and whatever else is going on in your world. You will find that if you can take 20 min to jump in a hot, Epsom salt bath it will help you with your back pain and whatever minor aches may come your way (also good to get a minute's peace). Stay strong.  
1 Comments
Thank you jugglin.  I will hang in there. Trying to keep the routine. Dragging a bit but pushing through. I will keep checking in. Got Epsom salts ready for bath tonight. Gotta stay mad at my " friend " who helped get me here. Not answering texts and deleted her number but she keeps texting me. Like the devil getting into my head. When I was pregnant with my boys I was so diligent about taking the best care of my body as it was their home for ten months while they were cooking. Gotta do the same thing for me at this point. Gotta be around for them . They need me. They are good boys and deserve a mom that's clean, sober and grateful to have them. Bless you.
Avatar universal
HI just touching base with you  how many pills left???
...................................Gnarly.....................
1 Comments
5 pills left. Started stomach cramps today and a little sweaty this morn . Had to get to work at 530 am for a news shoot that will air all day long so I needed to get there. Wasn't fun but made it through. One hour at a time. Gonna try to rest. Just took Imodium cuz I know what's coming. I'm ok mentally. Actually had fun at the shoot with the kids. I do a charity for inner city kids and not saying too much about the program but it feels good to give back just like you. Thanks for checking in. Gonna take one today and tomorrow when symptoms get really bad , then go to half a pill until done. Thanks again.
6990909 tn?1435275816
You are doing great....keep up the positive attitude!
1 Comments
Thanks . WD def kicking in today   But I will make it!
6990909 tn?1435275816
Good job honey!
1 Comments
Thanks jugglin. I will try melatonin.  And keep praying. I know when the taper is over the real hell will begin but I am determined not to physc myself out. How many years are you sober? Sending you a cyber hug. Thanks for holding my had through this.
Avatar universal
Hi there! What you're doing is awesome. I have been in your shoes. I was on a drug for years that has to be tapered. Tapering is the hardest thing for me to do. I tried for what seems like a thousand times, only to go back to the drug. Today I am 30+ days clean. Talk about empowering! I never thought I'd get here. I have moments, but they pass. They all start with an emotion. The key for me is to feel that emotion for what it is and not let my addicted mind convince me to avoid what I'm feeling. I pray a lot for strength and I know that without God's help, I'd still be stuck. Meetings help a lot too. I'm happy for you! It'll get better. Even if you have to do an hour at a time.
Avatar universal
Hey Girl  how goes it ????  how many pills you got left???  keep us up to date where here for you...................Gnarly..........................
4522800 tn?1470325834
We are ALL so proud of YOU!
Trying to taper with the pills in your hand is a Big Plus as you continue to do this right. Give yourself a Big Pat on the back.

Don't forget all the things I told you to pick up in your older post. These will help build your immune system up even better. Adding these to water is why they are good too..Drink tons of water..Other wise, the rest was said above.

Have a Merry Christmas
Vickie
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