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Different people...that's what makes the world to round
Some people come on here who are just starting out...and they are so emotional/fragile from wd. They are sick, weak, ashamed, tired, filled with self-hatred, etc. I'm not saying they should be coddled like a baby- not even close. Honesty is always best. I just wanted to point out that along with honesty, should be respect and kindness ...all to some degree as appropriate. (and I think everyone tries to do just that). Remember when we post on here, all we see are words on a screen- we can't hear the voice or sometimes feel the emotions/intent behind the message (sometimes). It's a delicate balance to try to get your point across, and make it count, without being too harsh.
Many who have been here for a little bit of time will tell you that they appreciate those kind of brutally honest, straight-up posts and comments. Of course we do, we're now on 'the other side' and have reaped the benefits of having had that happen. But those that are just starting out don't have that perspective or those experiences yet...some (including myself when I first started- as did others I'm sure) will naturally feel a little turned off, defensive, or even a little defeated (again, only because its a learning curve) when they are initially hit with blunt, straight up comments.
Yes, there were some 'straight up' posts that stuck with me and really got my a** in gear when I first came on here. There were also simple, kind posts that nudged me along and really held some encouragement- held some weight. Both are important. That's the beauty that you'll find in a place like this.
I just wanted to share my perspective(s) on this..i think what im trying to convey is that I think posts from all points along the spectrum are valuable, but lets just remember where we started from. I felt unsure of whether I should post or not since I am still learning and growing in this whole recovery process... but I've felt compelled to say this every time I come on here to read over the last few days...so I realized that I should probably just share it. I really want to make sure that everyone understands that I am not talking about anyone, or any post, in particular. As I mentioned above, i think everyone is great and does a fantastic job at giving support and advice to others (in one way or another). If i started to list all of the people on here that have helped me out along the way over the last few months i'd be here all night. I think this site is so cool...strangers helping strangers, people connecting and sharing different viewpoints....it's really awesome! That being said, like everyone else, just sharing my take on things and wondering if anybody else is feeling me on it...
Many who have been here for a little bit of time will tell you that they appreciate those kind of brutally honest, straight-up posts and comments. Of course we do, we're now on 'the other side' and have reaped the benefits of having had that happen. But those that are just starting out don't have that perspective or those experiences yet...some (including myself when I first started- as did others I'm sure) will naturally feel a little turned off, defensive, or even a little defeated (again, only because its a learning curve) when they are initially hit with blunt, straight up comments.
Yes, there were some 'straight up' posts that stuck with me and really got my a** in gear when I first came on here. There were also simple, kind posts that nudged me along and really held some encouragement- held some weight. Both are important. That's the beauty that you'll find in a place like this.
I just wanted to share my perspective(s) on this..i think what im trying to convey is that I think posts from all points along the spectrum are valuable, but lets just remember where we started from. I felt unsure of whether I should post or not since I am still learning and growing in this whole recovery process... but I've felt compelled to say this every time I come on here to read over the last few days...so I realized that I should probably just share it. I really want to make sure that everyone understands that I am not talking about anyone, or any post, in particular. As I mentioned above, i think everyone is great and does a fantastic job at giving support and advice to others (in one way or another). If i started to list all of the people on here that have helped me out along the way over the last few months i'd be here all night. I think this site is so cool...strangers helping strangers, people connecting and sharing different viewpoints....it's really awesome! That being said, like everyone else, just sharing my take on things and wondering if anybody else is feeling me on it...
HAHA! Yes, NEARLY all. I said that because there are a few who post very infrequently but when they do, it's generally to bully someone over a comment they made. It really P I S S E S me off when I see that and THAT behaviour is what defeats the purpose of the forum. I've gotten caught up in that crap numerous times. Now I just report it.
Does everyone know where the "report button" is? Use it when you see an insulting or hurtful post.
Does everyone know where the "report button" is? Use it when you see an insulting or hurtful post.
Nearly all?? LOL! I completely Concur with what you said! Direct attacks on someone's reply or any perceived tone, serves absolutely no purpose! The best thing about this forum, in my opinion, is the diversity of everyone and all of the various opinions and perspectives! I love having options and I can take with me what I like, what I need, and what will work for me and my personal situation! The rest, I leave for someone else who may need it!
I didn't always feel this way and I guess I'm evolving, and I think that's good!
I didn't always feel this way and I guess I'm evolving, and I think that's good!
The differences in opinion and approach make this forum very dynamic. Some people have a "no bulls h I t " approach because that's their personality to begin with. It's all meant to be helpfull. Still others have a more coaxing style...it's all good.
What isn't good is any direct attack toward another member. There's just no need for that and I see it happen frequently. No one needs to get called down on the open forum; there should never be personal attacks. It doesn't help anyone and creates extremely hard feelings. That's when the forum stops being therapeutic...
Nearly all the current members are wonderful, in my opinion. They want to help as they help themselves...
What isn't good is any direct attack toward another member. There's just no need for that and I see it happen frequently. No one needs to get called down on the open forum; there should never be personal attacks. It doesn't help anyone and creates extremely hard feelings. That's when the forum stops being therapeutic...
Nearly all the current members are wonderful, in my opinion. They want to help as they help themselves...
very well put my dear friend, it is a very fine line between being to harsh and being to gentle, but the most amazing thing about this forum is it is a melting pot you have members who are very gentle and then you have members who have been there done that and see warning signs in posts and shot it straight the always seem to know when you need that kick in the pants to wake you up. I for one needed love and kindness in the start of my journey, and I got just that even from the straight shooters but as my strength increased and they saw warning sighns I got the kick in the pants I so needed to do what I had to do. getting clean is like receipe you need love support honesty and yes even the kick in the pants to keep you going. and everyone on here is all the ingredients to the receipe but I had to say that this post was inspiring and very lovely, you have come such a long way bright and I'm so proud of you and so glad to call you friend.
Well said. Sometimes I need straight, shoot from the hip honesty (always), other times encouragement, support,etc. I need all the help I can get and find that here. Addicts helping addicts; thats what its all about!! kk
Well put.....
I agree thats the diversity of this place. Different styles that speak to a range of different people....I'm the way I am because of how I was treated when I was new and my personality type...
The cool part is not matter the style,,,,in our "heart of hearts" everyone means well and is trying to help...(thats the beauty)... ;-)
good read...
Free~
I agree thats the diversity of this place. Different styles that speak to a range of different people....I'm the way I am because of how I was treated when I was new and my personality type...
The cool part is not matter the style,,,,in our "heart of hearts" everyone means well and is trying to help...(thats the beauty)... ;-)
good read...
Free~
Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful. To everything there is a season. Thank you for your post. I am still very fragile right now so what I need to know is that there is hope not someone questioning my sincerity. If I keep coming back every month with the same issue, then by all means, let me have it. But right now, I just need support to continue this journey :)
Great post... you took the words right out of my mouth. Thank you! I appreciate all the posts too... i try to remember that there are many people who just read the board and don't join. I was one of them, but I feel if my experience can help, that matters.
Hey Bright, So well written and so wise (and they said you were just a pretty face ha!) A great reminder to us all. Thanks for taking the time to post this. xo
that was very eloquently stated and so true. thats the beauty of being in a group. someone will hit home with you with their words. I LOVE THESE PEOPLE !!!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
We all need to be reminded of this. You also learn when to give them a kick in the a$$ and when to proceed with caution.
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