Hi all, I've just started using this site and already it looks like it could give me the inspiration to stop my awful abuse of dihydrocodeine (DF118) (mainly, I'll also take morphine, oxycodone, tramadol, if I run out aaahhh).
I'm 32, from Scotland UK, and I've been an addict for over 8 years (i think... can't remember when I started these demon pills!).
I take AT LEAST 30 x 30 mg df118s a day, and have did THIS amount daily for 5+ years. I've hidden it very well from most people in my life, including my mother, but not my father. I've lost to extraordinary girlfriends in this tiem, both must have had patience of a saint, and it really hurts me because I KNOW it's the addiction that has driven them away, even if they didn't admit it. I've also enjoyed a decent career in hospitality management, but as my daily amount increased I came less bothered about my career as the pills have taken over all aspects of my life.
I'm nowhere near as sociable as I once was. I don't get invited out by my friends anymore. I don't drink due to pills. I am up and down with my family, mostly down (angry, depressed, unnaproachable, etc). I do miss the old me and how well I got on with them all, I was a different person back then.
I started using for fun, watching football matches...
Then increased the amount because they helped me excercise...
Then increased the amount because they gave me superhuman confidence...
Now I take them because I have to (withdrawal scares the sh*t out of me). It's not the sickness, or cramps, but the anxiety and depression that I fear (massively fear) from WD.
At the moment I've set a date of august to start tapering, and I pray I keep to it this time.
I have a never ending supply, and know many sources, as I guess most other opiate addicts here have, you can never be too safe eh? Sad.
I spend at least £10-15 a day on pills. I always try to have as many as possible, and hate when i get to the last few.
What is really giving me the hope to stop this time is my deteriorating health. It may be nothing to do with the pills, but I'm guessing it does!
I have a very dodgy stomach nearly every morning, mainly diaharea and pains. I have twitches around my heart area. I sweat incredibly badly just walking to work. It may not be related to pills, but I don't know. I have been to the doctors for tests including blood work and heart tests. Docs found nothing, but I have NEVER told them about my addiction. Half of me has always hoped the blood tests would get me caught if you know what I mean... forced to come clean kind of.
I've read that they can effect stomach lining, so this could be why?
I hope to use this site for comfort, help and inspiration. I just read of another guy who has been off for 4 months and I felt so porud for someone I don't even know. I want to be that guy.
Anyway, hello to you all and I hope I can aid others with the same disease (because that is what it is to me).
PS... I'd love to hear from you all, especailly anyone who has taken a similar amount of opiates (1000mg a day on average, never below 900mg).