Do you have addiction whipped?

[GA Guy]

I see a lot of people coming on in the last month or so talking about having 90-180 days clean and sounding like they have this addiction whipped. The reason it bothers me is that I was that person when I got here almost 3 years ago. I got 30 days clean (through white knuckling it) and began giving advice to everyone that would listen as to how I had this "whipped". Some great people here like beachtowel and Fladdict (old times will remember these names with fondness and sadness) begged me to get aftercare, but I had it whipped...because, I could hold onto my secrets and do this all on my own. It's only through this time when I'm coming up on a year next week that I've finally realized that this disease takes every day attention. I've had mentally tough days the last few weeks that were every bit as bad as the first 30 days. The difference is that now I have support and tools to get through them and keep my disease quiet. I honestly have to work my first step every single morning..because if I don't admit that this disease is more powerful than myself, then it WILL talk me back into using. We will never loose the feeling of that first high. This disease tells me every day that by NOT using I am committing suicide. Things do get better..but only with aftercare. These people on this forum with significant clean time are talking about aftercare because we care and want you not to make the mistakes we have. I'd love to hear from those who have an aftercare program..and, tell what it took to get you to that point. Also, I'd LOVE to hear some people with a little bit of clean time who are trying to do this secretively and without aftercare pledge to do so very soon. Please, listen to the veterans on the forum..learn from our mistakes.

[dominosarah]

bump

[gnarly_1]

hey dude great post...one thing I have learned in life is you can copy someone successful
or you can learn from the school of hard knocks on you own....I choose the ez path this time around...because im also bipolar my phyic dr thought it would be a good idea that I saw a substance abuse conslor because I was on methadone....that was a little over 2 yrs ago...if it wasn't for Paul going thew things with me...and challenging me to get off the methadone I dont know if I ever would have even tried when I meet him I was 4yr into it and dident see a problem..thew therapy I finely seen the light and acquired the desire to get clean..now I dont have mega/clean time like some here but I do have 185 hard eared days of sobriety and yes its just for today im clean and tomorrow will come and it will be the same thing ...just for today ..I also took your advise on getting to N/A meetings weather im craving or not...like you said to get some under my belt b/4 I need it....I spent 16 1/2yrs addicted to narcotic pain meds..I abused them for 10 of those yrs...even after 6 1/2yrs on methadone I still crave pills from time to time..if I fall it will be to 1/2 a dozen not to a pill..because I know this I am taking my aftercare very seriously and know without it ...it would be crash and burn for me... THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for drilling all of us on how important aftercare is..I  O my sobriety to people like you that care if I succeed or fail...may God bless you abundantly for all you do on this forum.....Gnarly              

[salsinator]

Oh yeah, I got addiction whipped - NOT.  I should say addiction whipped me - for over 20 years.  It took me a long time - treatment, using again, white knuckle, denial, and deceit.  I finally woke up, got help and got clean.  After that, I found this site and started working with a therapist who specialized in addiction.  Like Sara said, it took dealing with lots of demons and really figuring out who I am and some of the causes for my using - I was running from myself and never knew it.  Addiction takes work each and every day, but it's well worth it. Thanks for the post Ga Guy.

[kris123]

I think your right.  I am one of those people.  I do go to meetings but have skipped them last week and this week too.  I think that maybe that is a mistake on my behalf because I have to make it apart of my life to go to them every week.  Those people that are there are so nice, they talk about what is going on with them and how they are making it.  I don't do anything when I go, I just sit there, but it helps me a lot to go.  I have to make it a point tomorrow to go.  I never realized how important aftercare was.  I think it is important to have people around you that can support you. Avisg is one of those people.  Without her there, I don't know where I would be. She has been such a hugh help to me.  With me being preggo and being scared she always calms my fears because she is clean and clear headed.  Thanks

[GA Guy]

Great posts my friends. Thank you all for sharing your experiences and hopes. Hopefully someone new will learn from all of your wisdom.

[CATUF]

I've got it whipped -- for today, anyway.

I've been granted a daily reprieve based upon the maintenance of my spiritual condition.

All I need to do is get another one tomorrow, and I'll be set . . . for tomorrow, anyway.

CATUF
1780

[cleanmom]

That is all that is important now Vicki, just keep your eyes straight ahead on that road and don't look back!! :)

Jackyxo

[vicki595]

Thanks Jacky~  It was a good day  :)     I just feel so dumb for not going immediately to her. But, on the road now!!

V.xo

[cleanmom]

Vicki, i just read your response on here about your visit with your doctor. This is great news!! This is what will help you make it forever this time. Your newfound openness with your doctor about your addiction and even a therapist! You are now armed and ready to take this on long term and i know for sure you will make it! Like i said last night, my faith in you is not shaken. I would also like to tell you that my therapist has been my greatest asset in my recovery. I can't imagine doing this forever without her. She has given me so many tools and skills that i did not have before. This will be wonderful for you!!

Luv, Jacky

[vicki595]

Avis ~that's not what I said.  Geez!!

[avisg]

What good is anyone if there dead ...It is life and death for an addict .you have a very understanding doctor not very often does a doctor taken responsibility for ones  addiction.

[bella76612]

Today is my first day on here and  I am very pleased to see and hear all you guys have said. I have been clean going on 18 mths and when I say I struggle this addiction everyday. I mean it!!! You have to have aftercare and meetings and a suport group!! I don't know how anyone can say they don't!! They are only fooling themselves.  I am very proud to say I am a recovering addict. I do not hide it from anyone. I am very proud of all of you and hope to get to chat with you. During my addiction I lost everything I had and just now starting to gain a lil back. I do not regret the journey itself b/c it taught me alot about who I am and what I was! I do regret all those I hurt and all I lost. I hope to chat with you all soon and keep up the great work.

[vicki595]

Yes Sara...I know that now.  My priorities were skewed.  I took a huge risk today but I had decided that being clean was worth it.  What good is a nurse if she's dead?
I chose to live today.

[dominosarah]

You need to guard your clean time with your life first and foremost....without that you end up with nothing.....

[vicki595]

I do not have addiction whipped. But,GaGuy,I have to tell you, your post is serendipitous!!   I just got home from a visit with my PCP. I had not told her of my addiction issues or that I tapered on my own. I went today to tell her and ask for help because I was beginning to flounder on my own with hit and miss meetings etc...I wanted a plan for recovery and to 'fess up and lay the cards on the table.  She shook her head very sadly and said "Vicki,I am responsible for so much of this. I am your doctor."  Okay..we agreed to share although I wanted all the blame.   So,I now have a therapist,who is lovely and kind. We will meet next week for a formal evaluation.  There is a professional group that I can join immediately. And,most importantly,my nursing license will not be compromised by any of this. That was MY big fear. I guarded THAT
with my life.     I am so profusely relieved, I can't begin to tell you without sounding horribly corny.    But,I thank YOU and the forum for this. I only drove the car.

With love~
Vicki

[Jebs317]

I know that I won't make it without getting aftercare.  I didn't listen the first two times.  I now believe that for me to continue to stay away from pills, I will have to find aftercare.  I have an appointment Friday with an Addiction Counselor and an appointment next Tuesday at a Rehab. Center for an evaluation.  From there I hope to have one on one sessions with an Addiction Therapist and find a group also.  I know myself and I need to follow through or I will be right back where I started.  I feel a little different this time because I have had my doctors notified and pharmacy was told "no more" as well.  I also stopped seeing my best friend and boyfriend........they both take pills.  I have to put my heart and soul into this or I will fail.  
I want to be the mom that my son can be proud of.

[guv338]

Thanks Sara.  And Congrats to you as well, Two years, wow, thats a long time without dope.  Keep it going.  guv

[dominosarah]

Congrats on that clean time!!!   So happy you got your a$$ in there!!!         sara

[guv338]

In Dec. '08 my doctor at the time told me I would have a few, maybe 3-4, days of withdrawal after stopping years of Oxy use/abuse.  He did not tell me that today, after 453 days without the drug, that my days would still be splattered with issues that are directly related to the ill-effects that it has on my body and mind.  I did the white knuckle deal from Jan until Aug '09.  I then started going to NA.  Aftercare is a must for continued, longterm recovery.  Sure, we can all tough it out for a few months or maybe even a few years, but in order to achieve the ultimate prize of a lifetime of continued sobriety, aftercare is a must.  

Get yer asss in there and make it work for you.     guv

[10356]

I will never have addiction whipped.. lesa

[dominosarah]

Thanks GaGuy for posting this thread today.  Your support on the forum doesnt go unnoticed~~~~sara

[beck25752003]

just first wanted to say great post!!!  I dont have internet at home right now so I dont get to come to this site very much but I love it. YES aftercare is so major in my life and the only way I am gonna save my life. The last two years I tried getting clean  thinking I can just stop taking drugs and my life would go back to normal (whatever I thought that was) to come to find myself relasping on and off for the whole 2 years. I put myself into treatment and now go to a meeting everyday at least but usually 2 or 3 a day. I need meetings, support, my sponsor etc to help me gain the life I want and deserve. I know today I have a mental and physcial disease with drugs that I will fight for the rest of my life so I can have a great life. AFTERCARE AFTERCARE AFTERCARE!!! is the way to go GA GUY great post and all the others that replied.

[Bad_Obsession]

Very good post.

[cleanmom]

By the way, great post Ga Guy! Really gave me something to think about. Something we should all think about!!

Thanks!!