Drug Addicted Nurse

[sharlola35]

Hi everyone.  Yes, believe the title.  My story, or this particular chapter began a year ago when I was caught diverting meds from my job.  I had become heavily addicted to Vicodin (hydrocodone/APAP).  To feed my habit I was taking from my patients med supplies.  I know, terrible.  I still can't believe this is all happening.  The first 2 weeks without the drug I had terrible physical withdrawals, I was able to get through the day because I had my son to take care of, only 1.5 at the time.  The next few months were very difficult, I was battling my addiction daily, waiting to hear my fate from the nursing board and wondering when the cops were going to show up at my door.  My nursing license was suspended in September, I have a Bachelors degree in nusing, took about 4.5 years of school.  How in the hell did I throw it all away?  Now me and my 4 sons are on state assistance (food stamps, Medicaid).  I have no job and continually worrying how to pay the next bill.  This drug has taken so much from me.  Well, this past Friday my lawyer called to tell me the DA is ready to press charges.  They have 11 felony charges against me.  I cant stop crying or shaking.  Damn, I thought I had come so far.  I am meeting up with my AODA counselor tomorrow, she has been a wonderful support system for mr.  So, here is where I am at now.  Damn.  Please pray for me.  I am so sorry to everyone I have hurt.

[theaddict]

i know it's easier said than done, but try and get some sort of rest. if you think that you're the only one who has done things to get pills that regret it - well, you're wrong there for sure. we've all done things we're not proud of when it came to how we are going to get the medicine, at least a lot of us are. maybe not all have been through THIS situation, but most of us have had run ins with situations we weren't proud of when it came to the pills.

like other members have said to you, try and take a deep breath. the level of anxiety isn't going to change the minds of your lawyers and others that are bringing these charges up against you.  i don't know where you live, or the law that's out there either. but i do know that you need to try and get some sleep. it will pay off. please stay here on the forums and know that you've got a huge support system.

if you're in a state that's like so many others... the worse thing that they can do to you is throw you in a place to get help. and to be honest, that isn't the worse thing in the world for someone who may need the help with addiction. i hope that makes sense without sounding harsh. but that is what they do here in NC.

[WantMyLifeBack2010]

I am so very sorry as well and like Addicted2long said WE HAVE ALL DONE Sh!t we are so regretful for....
We are NOT US when we use....I did the same stupid crap...sold jewelry that ...when I think about some days I sit and cry....I sold a very expensive necklace my husbands NOW late father gave to him....it sickens me but we have to own it....and I do.............now....
my concern ofr you that you just posted is "Haven't had a Xanax in 13 days"?? how long have you been taking them? I have been prescribed Xanax 1mg taken 3 x's a day for 11 years and I have NEVER abused THAT DRUG??????????? BUT I have heard you can have seizures and in some cases if you are alone and get hit with a seizure you could die?? My fear would be driving a car, have a seizure and hurt or kill an innocent person in the wrong place at the wrong time???
Your a nurse so Correct me if what I have heard is wrong about this information???? Please???
I have noticed I have been taking my daily dose of xanax sooner due to my tapering off methadone...I noticed Im getting allot more anxiety....and the last thing I want is to run out and like I said " have a seizure"???

Please inform me if this is infact true... and just know you are ONLY human....I will pray for you & your sanity from all of this,......

Kim

[lulu747]

Sharlota...
Deep breath.  I can imagine how overwhelmed you feel so it's important to breathe and focus on one small thing at a time.  Is there anyone you can call for help?  If not-please go to Emergency and seek care.  There is no shame in this.  You need help and support and you need it now.  You are a nurse and caring for others is what you do...You need this same care for yourself.  You wouldn't judge someone else as harshly as you're judging yourself...We never do.  Please reach out to someone that can help lighten your load and get you the help you need...And keep posting...Sending support and prayers...Lu

[sharlola35]

I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  Have not had a xanax for 13 days, the baby wont stop crying, waiting anxiously for my lawyer to call, have not slept in 30 hours.  I am about ready to lose it.  Dont know how much more of this i can take

[tulsa1966]

OMG, i can't believe 11 charges. I too have four kids but never arrested for anything. However i too am in healthcare. I work for a methadone clinic. I work with people that i always said that i would never b like them, hmmmm, i am just like them i am them. Here in california we have programs like prop36 diversion that you could have gone thru since this is your first offense. We treat professionals from other counties and they keep their jobs. We see EMT's and pharmacists and the like. Get proactive with your case and start anything that will help the judge to see that you have done better. I hope that the judge will have a heart and see this is a first for you, you have four babies that need you, and you have been actively addressing your problems.  Meanwhile, I will be saying double prayers for you and the boys.

[sharlola35]

I am separated, have been for a few years.  My dad and older brother both died from addiction, clearly runs in the family, they were all I had aside from the boys.  My mother, younger brother and I are estranged.

[sissyg]

I'm truly sorry for ur situation. I think we all wake up once we r in the middle of a **** storm! But sometimes I feel angry and wanna shout hello I got addicted to an addictive drug, what the hell do people expect?  It just seems like the judgement from the perfect people hinders any ambition to do better. Hell my 40 year alcoholic father told me I was a disgusting disappointment when I went to him for help with cocaine. Anyway at least we all have ur back and if u can conquer a bachelor of nursing you can conquer this, show um what ur made of and ur kids won't judge u for ur mistakes only how u dealt with them.

[Icntkickit]

I am so sorry you are going through this? Are you married does your family know? 11 felony charges? How long has this been going on? I will.pray for.you & your boys. Please keep us posted and talk. Qe are here for you. NO judging. Relax and take care of your family!!

[justme1119]

Welcome to this forum.   If you want help, the people here are willing to help.  There are all kinds of people, some of whom have probably been in your shoes.  My best advice is to take one minute at a time.  Consequences, even though they seem devastating at the time, often cause us to evaluate where we are and where we need to be. I will pray for you and for your sons.  I do have that in common with you, 4 sons, as well as the fact that I also loved the hydrocodonoe.  I've recently came off of methadone, 4 months ago, and Norco, about 40 days ago.  You will find support here.  Best wishes to you.

[Addicted2long]

I am sorry to hear about what your going through. I know it ***** when you work so hard to help yourself and than out of nowhere you get **** on again. We have all done things we regret and are not proud of. Its part of the addiction. I have stolen and ripped off so many people, lied and manipulated ones I loved, and ended up in jail because of it. U have to pick up the peices and move on. Good things happen to good people. U can and have changed. The judge will take that into account. After I was arrested for possession of heroin I knew right away that before I was going to face the judge I was going to have to take huge strides to show ive helped myself. I went to rehab the next day and I completed the program and when I got out i start NA and working with a therapist. God showed me mercy and when i went to court I was given probation. I could have ended up alot worse off and I showed that I was working to improve myself and live a drug free lifestyle. U have stopped the drugs and unfortunantly are just getting the tail end of a legal battle u did in your using days. Ull get through it I promise and you have to get a lawyer that will help show uve changed. U are clean and have worked to get better. I would start going to meetings asap. I hope you are able to get through this and everything works out. I will pray for you.