Well she may be clean its only going to to give you about 72 hours of clean time .Yes there are ways to tamper with them often addicts will get some elses uriine go into the bath room and use the other urine .I have heard of people putting suff in the urine so it wont show drugs. honeslty I would go with your gut and it you really want I drug test i would look into blood or hair they are alot more accreate .I will say this too H is the hardest drug there is to get and stay off of .Most people have to do long term rehab for some more then once to get off H.Plus LONG TERM INTENSIVE AFTERCARE so I dont balme you at all for thinking she is not clean
i'd have to go along with avisg on this one.
how did she get clean? has she told you how hard it was? is she in some kind of group support?
seems that it would be a pretty huge thing to be completely clean and not wanting to talk about it all the time or be getting some kind of support. because it just doesn't happen overnite.
Drug tests vary, and many are very reliable...but, I'm going to give you some advice. No addict should be in a relationship (unless married) for a year after they enter recovery. Getting clean is hard enough without juggling a relationship as well. Random drug tests and wondering about her behavior is no way to live.
GA makes very good points !!!!
If she can stop long enough to pass a legit home test...then she sho loves u lots....this I would consider...but I would either buy the test kit or go with her while she buys it
And not all are reliable....the pharmacist can help u with this and is why I would wanna be there
but when it comes down to having to proving stuff like this???? dunno....just dunno....
I am gonna go with Ga Guy also, but there are so many drug test out there so you need to know exactly what they test for. There are also so many ways of tricking a drug test. I think the best thing would be to have her blood tested, no way of tampering with that. Also if I am not mistaken H is only in your system for 48-72 hrs after depending on how much you are doing.
Blood tests are by far more reliable
If u can talk her into obtaining an order from her dr to go to a hosptial or a lab to have a drug panel drawn..then this is the way to go for sure
If she is willing to do this plus pay the costs for it and explain to her dr why she needs the order for these labs...then she really loves u lots!
I am not planning on telling her when I am to randomly stop by with a drug test and I there will be no other urine in the bathroom but hers. If it comes back positive, then how do I know what drug she tested positive for? I know she rarely smokes week as well.
Or I could stop worrying about it altogether and continue ignoring her for good.
I have to I completely agree with Ga GUY on this one .she should NOT be involved with anyone the first year and do you want to live in a relationship were you have to drug test your girl friend .
Hi, I have been following your story. My husband and myself were heroin addicts for 13yrs. I am over 300 days clean. My husband had over 200 days clean behind him and relapsed but he is back on the straight and narrow.Heroin is an extremely hard drug to get off and stay off.Id go as far as saying its one of the hardest drugs to come off. Before we came on this site, we had stopped and relapsed countless times. You seem to have put a lot of work and money into this relationship. If she is willing to do a drug test and she doesnt know when you are going to turn up with it then you could try that, but i agree with the above maybe a blood or hair one would be better. The pharmacist will explain all this to you. I dont know how strong your feelings for her are, but to put up with it all, you must have very strong feelings for her. It is up to you my friend but as i say this addiction could go off and on for years, although one thing in her favour is that she wasnt on it for a long time so maybe she is telling the truth. She cant be taking any kind of opiate as she would have went into instant w/d when she dissolved the sub under her tongue. So she isnt addicted to any kind of opiate or she wouldnt be able to go without them for that long Its basically down to you now. Everything could be fine or you could end up with years of coping with her addiction. She maybe has stopped but just doing other strange things you dont know about. I would tell her i wasnt going to make her do a drug test so she doesnt think your going to do it and then she maybe will take whatever she maybe taking without worrying about the test. But you have to remember you have to look after yourself too and think about the life ahead of you. As i said before 3 months is not a long time to be taking heroin so she maybe has been able to stop it and stay off it. Does she go to any kind of aftercare. I do realise she lives quite far away from everywere so that would be quite hard. Were is she staying now. Has her mum and dad let her back in ? I wish you the very best of luck and if you have any questions do not hesitate to ask. ..Kim
First, congrats on your recovery as it is a wonderful accomplishment. She is back at her parents' but I have no idea how they are treating her. I have very strong feelings for the girl and have been miserable through this but I am adamant that no matter what, I will not be with her if she uses drugs and she knows that. As for the test, I could buy it and go to her house and make sure she does it in front of me anytime I want. She offered to do it but I haven't replied to her texts and she would have no idea that I am planning on doing it.
Being as addicts are the some of the best liars I wouldn't be surprised if she already has a stash of urine and changing it out daily. I'm sure she has already considered that you may just be dropping by without notice. I would make sure you are in the bathroom with her. Don't let her claim stage fright. I also wouldn't just do one test. Like avisg said, she may have taken something to clear her system although I don't know how reliable those products are. So I would give her one every other day or every third day for a week or two.
But like mentioned above, if you go for a blood or hair test, the results can not be tampered with. One blood test would be all that you need and it would probably be cheaper than to give her an at home test every third day for a week.
You have been bending over backwards for her. You have a great heart. I hope everything works out for you and for her.
the :"or" may be the best route
u will know if someone has stopped using by merely being around them for a bit...all these chanegs do not seem necessary in a relationship....when...we meet the right one It is not sposed to be so gosh dern difficult
Use ur bones...the feelings u get down past the heart/////often we can not trust our hearts...but we can trust our bones
I disagree here that you should give up man. She has a disease and I believe that love is love. I am personally am an addict but my wife had emotional and psychological problems well before I became addicted to opiates. Would you turn your back on someone you love if they had cancer or were a diabetic? It is important that addicts get professional help because addiction is a disease as much as dealing with someone who battles depression. You do need to keep her honest though. She must be trying to get better if she values your relationship. However bare in mind that her brain is hijacked and isn't thinking how she normally would think. Good luck and keep us posted buddy.
The issue that I always had wasn't necessarily using (although it is repulsing) but it's her lack of admission. Her constant and alleged lies is what bothered me the most. If she came up to me and said, I need help and am WILLING to get sober like she did last month, there is no doubt I would be there for her. But although she denies it, not only do I believe she uses but I also believe she isn't ready to quit.
I have also been following your story. I haven't said anything because I am on the other side of this. I am addicted to pain pills. In August, my boyfriend (ex now) found my stash. He held them in front of me and said "It's jail or detox......you pick". I was scared enough to pick detox. I knew I had a problem, but this was the wrong thing for him to do. He called the police in front of me and made me tell him, while he was on the phone, who I got them from, their name and phone number etc.... I was scared to death! I went to detox for 5 days....and stayed clean for a month. He didn't leave my side.....but it wasn't to be supportive, it was to evaluate every move I made. I didn't leave the house much and when I did he either went with me or clocked the mileage and gas in my car. I had to account for every penny that I spent....and I mean EVERY penny. He would threaten me daily to bring home a drug test......and I would beg him to just do it because I knew I was clean. He became so controlling that after a while, I just shut down. Once I began to get back on my feet, I decided that I didn't get clean for me, I got clean for him. I started getting pills again from my doctor. I kicked him out and decided that I would rather use than live like that. After 4 months, I decided to get clean for myself and realized that I was using out of spite and detoxed myself.....I am on day 17 and feel great.
The statement that you made about using being repulsing.......quite frankly.....repulsed me!! If you have never been an addict, then you just don't know! Addiction has no prejudice.....it doesn't just affect homeless, jobless people.....like you see in the movies. It affects career people, who are mothers and fathers and live their lives the right way except for having a problem with a drug.
Speaking for myself, I didn't ask to become addicted to pain pills.......it happened gradually over time until it got so bad that it swallowed me up! We didn't wake up one day and say "I think I will become an addict today!"
I am torn by how I feel about you and your situation. I think it is wonderful that you care so much about her. I also think that the energy you put into not believing her, you should spend by taking her to NA meetings and to a therapist. If you are going to be with her, you are going to have to accept her addiction and realize that she comes with this baggage in her life.
I hope that you aren't angry by what I have said, but just wanted to give you another side of this.
Good luck to you and to her.....I hope she can see that there is a great life waiting for her after drugs.
Im just gonna throw my 2 cents in here. I was a daily heroin user for just under a year well over 10 yrs ago. I finally kicked it but it was a long hard war that had many battles that were lost. Im currently kicking pain pills and like your girlfriend Ive lied to the man I love in order to get high. Man that hurts to even type that out, but its the ugly truth. My love for him and for our life together has been a huge part of why Ive made it 8 days thus far.
oh yeah my 2 cents....as far as the drug test goes, do you really even need one? I mean if she is doing heroin seems to me it would be pretty obvious. Is she nodding out, falling asleep sitting up that is, eyes glassy, pupils dialated (very small). Have you ever seen her before when you knew for sure she was high? seems to me you would be able to notice when she got back from her mystery 2 hr trips.
also, if you do decide to continue the relationship, I would think it a good idea that you explain to her that she is not to ask for money from you and no more secret trips away from you. If she needs to go somewhere go with her.
just some ideas in case you do decide to work it out, thats your decision of course. I dont feel qualified to answer that one.
I wish you the best of luck in life and love
I think you should just turn up and get her to do the test in front of you. As some said she may have a stash ready but if you make her do it in front of you then she cant do this. I think you should maybe give her another chance to prove to you that she is clean as she seems to want to prove to you that she is clean. I also was rather upset when you used the word repulsive, we do not want to be addicts, most of us have a genuine reason why we turned into addicts, it usually happens over time and before we know it we are addicts. Addiction is an illness, its like any other illness but very hard to treat. Your girlfriend probably didnt want to be an addict she just found herself to be an addict one day and she decided to tell you and get help. She could have kept lying and let it go on for longer and she could have picked her addiction over you which she didnt. A lot of people do pick their addictions over their partners and end up splitting up with them. You do have to look after yourself but i would give it one more shot and see if you get the result you want. I really hope you do get the result you want, i really do. Keep us updated and let us know whats happening and what the outcome is. Best of luck and look after yourself...Kim
agree..her addiction is a disease...if she were a diabetic u would not discard her...had to think about it
being an addict..i cant say i would choose to date one..i would not as it wouldnt be healthy for me to do so..it would invite relapse for me
Kowing what u r dealing with and educating urself is smart..if u didnt care about her u wouldnt be here..really she needs to be posting here...but when we truly love a person..guess we love them in spite of their diseases and weaknesses...tough topic and u r living this..we r on the outside looking in
I would not date an active addict who is still using
Kristen, thank you very much for your support and congrats on being clean. I believe you may have missed my point about the "repulsive" comment. I didn't mean the people that use the drug repulse me, I meant the drugs themselves do. I apologize for not being clear.
I know you said that I should accept her the way she is if I loved her but the main problem I have is I believe she is hiding it from me. I just want her to be straightforward so she can get help. I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with her using but I would have a problem with her not trying her very best to get sober for herself first, her young daughter and me. No amount of love is enough to stand being around an addict that doesnt want help.
I do believe that it is a disease and that she needs me by her side and this is why I am so miserable. It's like watching the love of your life losing a battle to cancer. However, why would you hide a disease from your lover? And why wouldn't you want to recover from that disease?
I would just suggest you find an al anon meeting. Those meetings are for those t ppl who love an addict. I think u would benefit a lot! Good luck to u both!
She and her daughter are very blessed to have you in their lives!!