Drugs ruined my life and now what

[cassi03]

Has anyone had there license suspended due to drug use in the workplace.  I took a couple of percocets from a patient and lost my job, got slapped with a felony and now just down and out.  I have been sober 8 months which is great but the pain of what I caused is too much to handle.  I have an 8 year old who depends on me and I let him down too.  Any words of encouragement.  I am beginning the process of getting my limited license which takes 3 months but in the meantime what the hell do I do?  I have a felony on CCAP which is going to be dropped to a misdemeanor.  Scared to death.  I regret so badly what I did I can taste it.  I can't get over it.

[cassi03]

Good for you, for having a positive attitude and being so strong.  I still haven't figured out what to do next I am thinking of a lot, changing jobs, going back to school (can't afford).  I'm to old to be in this position but yet people are getting laid off left and right.  I know God will direct me to my next adventure and where I need to be.  Thank you for your inspiring words.   cassie

[gnarly_1]

HI well you cant change the past but you do have some say in the future make the best of it you may have to switch feilds it will be tuff landing a job with that on your record but that dosent mean you cant switch careers life is full of changes 7yrs ago I was making 80k a yr today I barley get by but im still greatful to God to have food and shelter and all my basic needs met it not what I want but its the way it is I have to accept it I live on disability and supplement it with a paper route in the middle of the night it gets us by and I can do it some times you got to do things differnt then you plan to make it but by being creative you will get by good luck to you and God bless......Gnarly

[Bkitty]

Hi Cassie, Ive read thru you thread. I am also a liscened professional. I have thought many many times " OMG if I got caught, what would I do?" I know how you feel. I just wanted to suggest that maybe you can try looking for a non clinical position,like at a call center,,insurance company,,or even a nursing home as like a careplan nurse. There are other options available,,just have to look hard and in places you wouldnt think of.

I want to say Congrats on 8 months!! That is huge! I too suffer from bipolar and depression. I am on a cocktail of medications myself,,the best combo that worked for me was: Lamictal,,Seroquel and Cymbalta. I also attended and outpatient program and go to NA and see a therapist. I know its hard not to dwell on this. You have to find it within yourself to forgive yourself and accept what had happened. We ALL have done things that has humiliated and made us feel ashamed. Coming to terms with that always isnt so easy. But we made a mistake. We are human and we were sick.

Hang in there,,you will find a lot of people here that will support you thru this! ((((hugs))))~Bkitty

[IwillDoThis]

Hey Cassie - just wanted to throw some support your way.  I've never been in your situation I was in the legal profession and I can tell you that I've known lawyers who got disbarred for unethical behavior or drugs and there ARE people who will give you a chance to earn trust back so don't give up.  The attorney I used to work with would sponsor attorneys and let them work in our office supervised until they could get their license back.  

Keep trying, keep making contacts - we are human, we make mistakes and while you might not be working in the same capacity you were - it could be you figure out another avenue to use that nursing experience that may even be more fulfilling to you.  Don't give up girl!

You've got tons of good advice up above but I just wanted to say hi and hang in there!  You cannot change the past but you can change moving forward!  Believe in yourself - 8 months of sobriety is awesome and something to be really proud of.

[minn66]

Cassi, this forum was instrumental in my making it through withdrawal. I found this site on day 4 when I was trying to make it though work while in wd. There are a lot of caring, compassionate, supportive people here who understand. That was back in November, 2011, and I still come here. I still have a lot of healing to do and even though I go to NA and counseling, I enjoy coming here because they've been here from the beginning and everyone is so willing to reach out. I do hope you stay with us.

Hugs,

Minn

[cassi03]

Thanks for responding.  I did go to treatment for 3 months, have been attending meetings at least 2x/week and reading self-help books like crazy.  Wow it is nice to meet someone who has been through this hell. First, I am sorry that happened to you!  What did you do for a job?  What happened to the felonies?  Did you have to spend time in jail, god I hope not.  I spent 24 hours there and I felt like an caged animal it was horrible.  THANK YOU for thinking of me, it meant a lot.  Would love to talk anytime!

[cassi03]

So thanks for responding to me, it means a lot.  Yep I took a couple of percocets from a patient.  Since I worked at the VA Hospital in Milwaukee their police charged me with a felony then I found out my license was suspended for 5 years.  I am just now starting my 3 month pee testing, meeting lists and counselor reports then I quess I can get a limited license.  Who is going to hire a nurse with a limited license and a misdemeanor?  I feel like I am suffocating, how will I care for my family.  I am doing some volunteer work but they don't even want me because of the felony pending.  I have been sober 8 months but have gotten know where in my life.  I let my family down and myself well I have bipolar and depression and anxiety and there all kicking my ***.  I wasn't sure I wanted to be a nurse anymore because the things we have to do to get it back just seem impossible and expensive (with no job).  But I have been a nurse for 18 years and don't know what else I would do, I love nursing so I finally decided to get started.  I am so glad I met someone to relate too, keep in touch maybe share your story.  THANKS, you helped.....Cassie

[cassi03]

Thank you for taking time out to respond to me.  I can't believe how quickly you find friends here.  Dwelling on the past just holds me back from fighting for the future there just seems to be too much to do and I am overwhelmed.  Thanks for your compassion, keep in touch.

[cassi03]

Thank you so much, I am so excited I came across this Forum.  You are right I need to look at the positive things I am doing and quite feeling sorry for myself.  I just think sometimes now I got clean and everything should be better but there were consequences I have to face.  You made me feel so much better just knowing somebody was listening to me.  I do attend 2 meeting a week, counseling and a shrink.  Medications up the whazoo, still trying to find the right match.  Please keep me up to date on your situation would love to keep hearing from you.  THANK YOU!

[IBKleen]

Congratulations on 8 months clean!

I have been where you are. I got charged with distributing drugs in a jail. They attached 8 felony counts to that one and I lost my license for two years. I was unemployable and unavailable. I did go to treatment to reduce my sentence but I was unable to get my license back. Every state and every judge is different.

The guilt and the same is a killer and you need to work on getting past that. You cannot change what you did. You can work to not doing it again.

I think the suggestion of treatment is a good one or if that is not possible maybe you can go into Out Patient. Even if you don't get your license back right away it would be good for you to receive treatment.

Good luck and stick around here. It is a great place for support.

[minn66]

Hi and welcome to the forum. I haven't had that happen to me, yet I know I done things I regret and know about the guilt one feels.

I noticed a lot of positive things in your post. One, your beautiful child, two, you have already begun the process of getting your limited license back. Three, is that you have been clean for 8 months. That is a major accomplishment. You have taken an adverse situation and used it to turn your life around. Like I said, I understand the guilt. What I am working on is self forgiveness. We forgive others, yet we are so hard on ourselves. I have said things to myself that I would probably punch someone else for saying to me.

I attend NA and also go to counseling. I don't know if you do either, but the counseling has really helped me. You have today. The past is done and we don't know what tomorrow will bring.

You strike me as a strong, resilient person. I believe you can be an inspiration to others. Keep making goals and moving forward. Also, I believe you would be an asset to this forum. 8 months clean gives others hope that they, too, can make it.

Hugs and blessings to you,

Minn

[sharlola35]

Hi Cassi, Yep my license suspended...vicodin.  State of Wisconsin.  IM me if you want to talk further.

[cassi03]

The state of Wisconsin.  They are tough.  I am so glad for you!  Thanks for responding, it meant a lot.  I will look into it more.

[LeaAnn807]

Hi!  I know it's easier said than done, but dwelling on what you did isn't going to help you.  Thinking about it til it eats you up is only going to hurt you.....badly!  Try to talk to an attorney.  Also, if you have a pastor or someone like that you could talk to about how you're feeling that might help!

Congrats on your 8 months clean!  That's wonderful!

[marathonoflife]

First of all wat state are you licensed in? I am licensed in OH and my offence was diverting demerol. Now there was consequences of course, but my license was not disiplined and the federal charge was dropped in lieu of treatment and completeion of the stat boards alternative program. I was off for one year and then went right back to the same job. I have no restrictions on my license and no criminal record. The program was for three years and it absolutely change my life. Check with your state's board and get a lawer that knows about treatment in lieu. Best of luck.