Drugs

[ibeabluedevil]

I think that my oldest nephew is doing drugs. No....I know my nephew is doing drugs, but I am not sure which ones are his drug or drugs of choice. I'm 23 and he is 19 there is a 4 year age difference. We grew up together, and he feels more like my brother than just my nephew. In the past few years we haven't been as close as we used to, we were best buds growing up, we played together, rode bikes, built tree houses, everything siblings would do. Things have changed with him, the people he hangs with  his attitude, literally everything. At first I thought that he may be smoking marijuana, because he reeks of smoke that didn't smell like cigarette smoke, so I assumed it was marijunana, but now I am thinking that he may be smoking crack as well as snorting cocaine. I don't know for sure. He hangs out with people that I wouldn't let my dog around much less anyone else. Who he hangs out with changes frequently, and he knows more people than there are listed in the phone book. The other day he brought one of his new "buds" around and they went into his room and shut the door and I could hear them in there making snorting noises. I went in there after they left to see if I could find any evidence like a powdery substance, but the only thing I found was some green specs that could be left over from some weed he previously had. If I try to ask him about it, he denies it and gets mad and starts yelling that no one trusts him, that he doesn't do that stuff, he gets loud and defensive and just plain mad. He is moody, he is easily angered and he is just loud in general. I don't know what to do. There is no point in trying to talk to him because he gets mad and denies it. I honestly don't know what to do. I do know one thing is certain, if he keeps going on the way he is, he will either end up dead somewhere or facing 25 to life behind bars. Does anyone know what more I can do to get him some help? He drives after he does the drugs, and I'm afraid that he will not only kill himself in an accident but other innocent people as well. It kills me inside to know that he does this and I don't know how to help him. I have thought about just not worrying about him anymore, but I could never live with myself if because of his stupidity and carelessness he killed someone else.

[kowalsk8]

I read this and right away thought of my brother. My brother behaves the exact same way [minus the sketchy people you say your nephew hangs around]; i know all of my brothers friends and one thing they have in common is that they are all pot heads. The raging mood swings, the yelling, the denial; these are all things that i am use to hearing and dealing with for the past couple of years. One thing I advise you NOT to do is flat out say you know what he does with his friends, or that you know he has a problem because in his mind he'll see that as a direct attack, automatically put his guard up, and start with a rant once again. I've been trying to think of an effective way to approach my brother for some time now, and all i've come up with are ways NOT to go about it. Its unfortunate because in their mind, a family member showing that they care for them is being interpretted as a threat to their addiction and someone who may potentially get in the way of them and their drug use.

And i can speak from experience when i say that the only person in control of making the first step in the right direction of getting over any kind of addiction is the addict. I denied i had a coke problem for quite some time before i realized what it was doing to me and how it was affecting my life as a whole. I felt the desire and the NEED to take control of my life again, rather then have some stupid substance make my decisions for me..metaphorically speaking.  Regardless, basically what I am saying is that its out of your control to do anything, especially with a teenage boy. My brother is 22, which isn't much older than your nephew, and he's still in the mind-state of denial and according to him, his life is peachy-keen. But i see how he has changed and how the pot (along with the occasional use of other recreational drugs) is affecting his life. I'm 19, and I am thankful that I came to my senses when I did because i know a lot of people my age who, like your nephew and my brother, force themselves to believe that nothing is wrong.

My best advice to you would be to write a letter. Words written come across so much more meaningful than words spoken because it'll actually give him time to think about everything you say. You don't even have to mention any sort of drug related issue, just write to him asking what happened to the loving brotherly-nephew you once new. Talk about childhood experiences and whatever you guys did together that he will probably still have a special spot in his heart for. As delinquant as he may seem, he'll remember what you're talking about and hopefully spend some time thinking about what he's done to himself. I don't want to straight out tell you to manipulate him with the way you say things, but its an effective approach. Take a trip down memory lane, bring up the fact that his behaviour has changed so drastically and you can't understand why and that you are there for him if he ever needs/wants to talk about anything. Hopefully he has somewhat of an open mind and is open for discussion at leasttt.

I hope this helps even a little bit!
And trust me when I say; I know EXACTLY how you feel right now.

[refusingbondage]

Hi and welcome. I feel so sorry for your situation.  You seem like you care so much about your nephew. This must be very hard on you.  Unfortunately I dont think there is anything you can really do.  An addict will not quit until he or she is ready.  At such a young age - I hope he will be ready soon.  Not only does he sound like an addict but he is also a teenager and teenagers can be extremely hard headed to begin with.  What about telling his parents?  Maybe not outright telling them, but asking to see what they think his strange behavior is all about..they may already suspect a problem.. or they may be totally blind to it.  Either way, unless he realizes what he is getting himself into and wants out, you, his parents, no person can make him quit.  He must do it on his own.  That being said, you can continue to confront him. I would do it in a non judgmental non argumentative way.  Just tell him how much you love him and that he is not alone.  There are a lot of us out there - maybe bring him to this site and show him your post.  You should also set boundries. Yes you love him and want to help him, but if he refuses to even talk about it make it clear you don't want it in your life and cant hang out with someone so reckless.  I wish you the best of luck and really do hope that your nephew wisens up sooner rather than later.