I'm glad you flushed them Mark! I kept telling myself to grind it out minute by minute until I see some improvement... It will come my friend.
Stay tough!
Sean
Hey folks....thought I would update for those I haven't already communicated with.....I decided to have a little "potty party" with the last of what I had.....my daughter and son-in-law were there....got a couple of hugs and some encouragement from them and now I move into the real fun....I'm 17 hours in and feel like #### but still ready to get this done.....thanks to all of you for all the advice, encouragement, and just plain humanity in general I will post as I go...."it is what it is"....peace all.....
pilamaye kolas........
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
ahh very wise advice......I completely agree.......the silence speaks only wisdom.......thanks for your support......peace my friend.....
Mark
As one of my native friends here on the forum has told me so many times is to sit quietly and you will feel their presence~~~
minn.....thank you for your continued support it means a great deal to me in this struggle....I have strengthened my resolve and confirmed my choice yet again.....thank you and please keep checkin' on this old NdN....I'll need the support especially the next few days....pilamaye kola....wowahwa......
Mark
Sarah....thank you for your words of encouragement I will do it this time....I have to do it this time....I will draw on the strength of my ancestors...as I've said somewhere before if I was half as tough as they were this would be no battle at all.....I continue down this path it is good to have the support and company from those of you that have gone before me and remember the way and why we do this....thank you....pilamaye kola...wowahwa ...
Mark
Hi Mark, glad to see your post. Great job on getting back on track. Stay the course. I believe in you.
Love and peace,
Minn
I read in your one response about your people needing help. Show them what you are made of, climb thru the ashes and let them see it can be done. I know you have it in you~~~sara
just an update.....back on target after the "mishap" I have only taken 1 pill every 12 hours since Friday....just went and re-stocked up on Vitamin water crackers and some fruit.....feeling tired and my pain levels are ramping up but that was expected....no surprise...thanks again for everyone sticking with me....thank God you folks stay the course with those of us still trying to win this battle....you guys really don't shoot the wounded or leave a buddy behind...it is much appreciated....peace.....
pilamaye kolas....
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
hey bkitty....thanks for the words and indeed I think I have forgotten who I am without these drugs...I must change that and reclaim the person that I am and not let my addiction define me...I am still working hard here and have not given up....
i will get there and I will need to lean on you guys as I go as you have made this journey successfully and know the way....thank you for helping me to get there..........hoka hey!!!!!......peace......
pilamaye kola.....
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
hey minn.....thanks for sharing that with me....nature is indeed a powerful force for me as I feel most at home when I am somewhere that I can't see or hear cars,planes or the general hustle of "city life" if things wern't in such despare back on the rez I would move back....but there is no housing except to pile in with relatives who already have WAY TOO MANY living in small houses..and way too much alcoholism and drug abuse yet I do miss it though...not that part but you know what I mean (hopefully).....but on the bright side I have held to my word and have only taken 1 pill per 12 hours and I feel like horse poo but I am making it...thank you all for the continued support and strenghthening my resolve....onward I go hoka hey!!!! peace.......
pilamaye kola..
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
You have a great attitude!! Like I said,,you know what you need to do. For me in the beginning there was like a disconnect,,I knew what I needed to do but I was unable to carry it out/act it out. Mostly because of the withdrawal hell that you go thru and then the mental abuse. It also was and uncomfortable feeling,,,being sober again. I was not used to it. Honestly,,in the beginning,,I didnt like it at all. I just kept telling myself that this is my new reality and in time I will get used to it again. I did. It just takes time and perseverence. ;)) You got this,,youll make the connection. ((Hugs))~Bkitty
Oh Mark, you sound like such a kind and gentle soul. I am glad you got to spend time with your family. I love nature too and find when I can be outside walking, or, working in the in the yard and garden, that I feel better. Although we live in a subdivision there is a strip of woods next to our house. Early in the morning I can see and hear lots of birds, watch rabbits and squirrels play and there is even a beautiful red fox and his mate who come drink from our water feature. I lived in the country on a farm until I got divorced several years ago. I felt so lost when I had to live in an apartment. I am very thankful I found this tiny little condo and still have a little piece of country in my life. I am sorry for rambling, but your post hit home with me because I understand your feelings of being lost and out of place.
Take care and God bless,
Minn
gnarly....your honesty and sincerity is above question you have made a great many people see the right way to get this done and I respect that....
i will take your suggestion on aftercare into my own council and see if it might not work for me.....I'm really bad in groups...always feel like I am out of place unless I am back in South Dakota around my Indian relatives and you can;t even imagine the hard times and abuse and od's and suicide amongst the youth of my people it is very disheartening...I have to win my battle so maybe I can help others......the Indian people need some help.....peace my brother your words are taken to heart.....
pilamaye kola.......dok sha
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
HEY Dude ......not to many of us would have been able to pass up that kind of temptation 3 days into a detox so dont beat yourself up.....just use this as a learning experience
and know just how powerful your enemy is......look at the bright side you not using now you have regained your composure time to move on pick your self up .....dust yourself off put one foot in front of the other and walk this thing out YOU CAN DO THIS it just going to take some work If I where you I would get involved with aftercare right away it will help you and give you a support system there is no substitute for human interaction N/A is where I started out it works if you work it give it a shot we all wasnt to see you get well and all are offering up advise on how to do this we have been in your shoes good luck and God bless........Gnarly
Hey snake....I had a very good day....spent it with my 2 daughters and both grandchildren...we walked out in nature and spent some time down at the creek...I guess bein' an old Indian i just feel more calm and together when out with the Earth Mother she soothes me as does all of nature....I will win this war...I may have more battle scars when I'm done but that's ok.....thank you for the concern and compassion and wise words they truly help and mean a lot....peace....
pilamaye kola...
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
Hi again, Mark. I hope your day went well and that you went to bed tonight feeling better about things. I thought of you all day. I am praying for your physical and emotional comfort tonight while you sleep. Have a good Sunday, being mindful of the simple joys and blessings that are part of each day and giving thanks for them. I am thinking of you and wishing you the very best---Margaret
Bkitty...thanks for the reply....and I do know and I will continue my battle....I spent the day with my two daughters and my grandson and granddaughter...it was a really good day....it helped to remind me of one of the most important reasons to win this war.....I have done a lot of thinking since this happened and I have only taken 2 pills in 12 hours so I am treating as it was part of my taper.....I am striving to not take the remaining few.......but at the very least no more than 1 per 12 hours and then back to the biginning of the circle.....but with renewed resolve and determination....thank you for your support....peace.....
pilamaye kola....
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
OMgosh,,that made no sense at all,,Im sorry. I was trying to say that you know what you need to do to remain sober. ((hugs))~bkitty
Dont beat yourself up over this at all!! What matters the most is what you are gonna do from here on out! You know what you know what you need to do.! ((hugs))~Bkitty
hey minn.....nah you did not butcher anything......I firmly believe as my ancestors say "mitakuye oyasin" which means that we are all related...all of the 4 legged creatures...the winged creatures...the creatures of the water as well as the "standing people" or those of the plants...and yes even us 2 legged creatures...we are indeed all related as we came from the same Mother...our beautiful Mother Earth...and we should all bear this in mind as we walk down the Red Road of life and do no harm to any and only take what we must and always give something in return....much as you are trying to give me the benefit of your knowledge and understanding of this disease of addiction....I really am honored by the words of you and all the others who are trying to help me...it won't be forgotten....peace...
Wopila Tunkashila....pilamaye kola.....mitakuye oyasin....hetchetu welo.....
(Thank You Gradfathers....thank you my friend...we are all related...it is so)
n8tiv_ndn
Mark
I am sorry, but I post from my phone and I guess I posted by mistake. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I have always felt a connection with the Native American people and their relationship with nature and spirituality. I believe if people reach within they can tap into a natural, higher power. I have probably totally butchered my entire point, lol, but I would love to have that spiritual, natural connection.
Although I am of German and English descent, for some reason, since I was a child, I felt a connection with the Native American people. I recall begging my mother for an Indian headdress. I read everything I c
Thanks minn....my father was Oglala Lakota my mother was Comanche and Scotch Irish.....I still have many relatives living on the Pine Ridge rez in South Dakota....I lived up there for many years ....Wounded Knee and Manderson I still go back most every summer for the family Sundance...boy I sure miss being able to take in ceremonies I could really stand a trip to the Inipi lodge(sweatlodge)........I will continue to pull from the strength of my ancestors and all of you fine folks that are trying to help me along in this journey.....if I had half the strength of most of my ancestors I do not think this battle would be so hard...they were truly a resilient tough bunch of people.....at any rate I appreciate your support and I will continue to draw strength from the kind words.....peace
Mitakuye oyasin
(We are all related)
pilamaye kola....
n8tiv_ndn
Mark