Endorphins - When do I get them back!

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

Hi All! (I cant believe I got through, I must collect myself a moment).

Does anyone know how long it takes to have ones endorphins return to pre-opoid days?  I am just wondering about the day that I attempt to only use things like Yoga, meditation, and maybe the antidepressants to tackle my fibromyalgia and arthritis.  I have wanted to know this for a long time but could not get through to make a new post.  This is one exciting day!  I think I will do a quick pick on Lotto!  I would appreciate any information from you good people.  I mean do the drugs need to be out of your system for a period of time?  Does it depend on what you were on and how long you were on it?  
Thanks Again Everybody,
Marcie!

[To JB, from Alice]

Hi Vicki,

First, thank you for sharing some of your struggles with me. Likewise, for your support. I have asked myself at least a thousand times how/why this happened to me. I have felt "morally weak," overwrought with guilt, shame and embarrassment for getting sooo out of control!
In some ways I must be dealing with it though. Yesterday, a very close and well intentioned friend told me to stop being weak--as though it was as simple as deciding to give up milk or soda's. Maybe it is that simple, but it doesn't feel that way. I have given up many "addictive" things with minimal difficulty. In a round-about way, I'm trying to answer your question (do I find myself envious of normal non-addicted people?) Absolutely!
I am so glad to have found this message board. One thing I do know, no one can understand addiction who hasn't been there.
And, in honesty, I didn't understand before it happened to me!
Over the years a few of my friends have joined AA and I have gone to meetings a few times for support. When I heard their stories of near demise/ruined years of their lives, I was guilty of doing the same thing my friend did to me. I'd gone from drinking quite heavily in college to drinking responsibly, why couldn't they?

Now I know why of course.

As far as telling my doc, thereby cutting off my source, I'm not ready to go that far. After all, considering that alcoholics have easy access to liquor, they must find the strength not to stop in a bar, or down the beer/wine isle in the grocery store for that matter.

Right now, my goal is to use my meds responsibly. Since I've proven I cannot trust myself right now, I am going to give my meds to a trusted friend to disperse to me on a daily basis. My plan is to taper from there. 2 mo taking them as prescribed, and then the third month taking 2xd instead of 3xd. And of course, to continue refraining from visiting the ER, seeking out other docs or any other available means. Right now, I pray for the strength to tell my doc that I don't need the soma's anymore (since I trade them for percodans anyway). That will at least eliminate my one other source.

I hope I can find whatever it takes to succeed. I have done as much research as possible on tapering. How were you able to stop abusing your meds so much/take them more responsibly? Also, do you know if tapering also lessons the compulsion to go on a binge? You mentioned that your body does adjust. How about your mind? I do have chronic pain in my back from a variety of serious injuries. I want to be in a place where I only take pain meds for physical pain...not for instant europhia or to numb my emotional pain!

I did not mean for this to be so long...another night of near insomnia (slept from 7:00PM-11:PM) has me rambling! This is day #4...thank God I am off of work until next Wed. Will I feel any relief by then?

Well Vicki, keep up the good work...4 days early is better than 15 days! You are at least making progress. And I'm coming to strongly believe strength is gained by progress.

Hope you have a merry christmas!

God Bless all of us who are suffering

Alice

[To JB, from Alice]

GK,
I am glad to inspire you (and anyone else) to rid yourself of this beast that only hungers for more and more. I wish I had heeded the warning long before I spiraled so fast/far down to this miserable state. And yes, I do take antideppressants--zoloft 150mg plus trazadone 100mg at night.
The only reason I'm not "history" yet, is by the grace of God. Equally, I believe that my prayers (some of them said in the absence of faith) are being answered or else I would still be in denial. When I feel no faith, I am honest with HIM about that too.
And though it may sound sick/or pathetic, I have actually made a few steps of progress--I have stopped humiliating myself. I have refrained (for the last 7 mo) from seeking out other doctors, or visiting the ER when I run out. And regardless of desperation, I have felt, I have never forged scripts or attempted to purchase them on the streets--although I admit I have been tempted. Now I just suffer through it and pray for strength to persevere/oercome this insideous monster.

God Bless,

Alice

[To JB, from Alice]

Hi Mark,

Thank you for your prayers, I need all I can get right now! Five months is a great accomplishment. But, please keep up the faith and stay strong. Whatever you do, don't repeat my mistakes. My periods of abstinence have lasted up to 8 months. I so deeply regret buying into the lie that I could "handle it" after so long without. Each time, my addiction escalated into the nightmare it now is. I don't want to scare you--You are doing the right thing.
From where I'm at (4 days), five months clean seems like an eternity. But, on a core level, I know that God does not give us more than we can handle. AND I strongly believe that we were all put here to face certain challenges and learn certain lessons. That being said...When you have moments you are tempted, think about the absolute worse aspects that drove you to leave it behind. In time, day by day you will surely find that those cravings will lose their power. After all, they are just moments!

I read these words of inspiration somewhere...
Although with broken wings you cannot fly,
my how high you can climb.

Merry Christmas...and again thank you for your support.

God Bless!

Alice

[To JB, from Alice]

Thank you all for your prayers and support!

Hi JB,
I am certain I would not still be alive had I reguarly been using opiates for the last ten years. Up until I began seeing my pain specialist, there were long periods I didn't take any pain medication...I suppose I thought I was "smarter" than to allow myself to become addicted. Up until 1 1/2 years ago, it was not at all difficult to stop. Of course, I never took them longer than 3 to 4 weeks at a time either. Nevertheless, that all changed when I started seeing the pain doc. Maybe it would not have progressed this far had I realized their addiction potential! Not that these details matter because I'm defintely an addict now!
I DO want my life back. I'm 38 y/o and DO NOT want to die. I just want this madness to end. At least I am on my 4th day UNopiated (although in pain).
I know the best thing would be for me to deal with the pain for my physical pain is nothing compared to my emotional pain and spiritual decay. A non-using friend is going with me to my next app't 1/3 and I am giving her my meds to dole out to me each day. I have proven I cannot trust myself! Do you think this is progress?
By the way, I'm sorry about your wife. I will pray for her too!

Merry Christmas and God Bless!

Alice

[vickyv to alice]

Hi alice, like everyone on this board, i know exactly what you feel.  Have you ever  driven down the street, watching every car, just absolutely envious because unlike yourself, they are not a victim of this paralyzing addiction.  As I have said several times on this board, i would take all of the worst times in my life a millionfold, plus all the heartache of my neighbors to have never gotten physically addicted to this drug.  I am learning how to maintain, and my goal is to be at place like J.B., where I do not run out because I do not abuse.  I will take as directed.  My addiction has kept my husband and I trapped in this pathetic, siberia-like midwestern state.  I have had opportunities to work in some wonderful places, but am too terrified of leaving my doctor.  My greatest day will be when he either retires or somehow I am cut off.  I can relate to you about the feeling of the first time you had morphine.  My parents were both drug addicts, in fact my mother shot speed when she was pregnant with me.  They were not bad people, just addicts living in the Bronx in Ny.  Then my father found religion, my mother gave up Judaism and they became missionaries.  Anyway, when I was about 10 years old, I discovered a bottle of pills that were marked "for pain" in my mother's dresser.  Like a robot, I immediately knew I wanted these.  I had no idea what they were, but I  knew.  For two hours, I emptied the contents of these capsules into those old "contact cold" capsules, and transfered the cold medicine into the pain capsules.  And I took them.  I don't remember if I got a buzz, but I remember knowing instinctively what my body wanted.  When I was born, I went into a seizure from being addicted in the womb. I was also breech, and apparantly the forceps the doctor used to extract me twisted my neck muscles, which led to the condition that now has enabled me to obtain pain pills.  I don't mean to be so long, but I just wanted to share that moment, because our minds really f**k with us.  I wish I could tell you just tell your doctor you are an addict and everything will be fine, but until you make the decision that you are tired of being sick and tired are willing to brave the  withdrawal no matter what it takes, and not to scare you but it is not over in three days like some doctors will tell you.  However, the sooner you stop, the easier it will be.  I have been on them for ten years and I am down to four hydros a day and your body will get used to it.  But you have to get off of the oxy.  I hear its a real *****.

[G.K.]

Alice, wow you are really in deep sweety forgive my frankness but if you dont get your **** together soon your going to be history.You serve as a example for me too get my **** together, I dont know if it would work for you but some Antidepressants seem to curve the urge for pain meds, in any case wake up honey you are killing yourself fast.Good luck and Please stay alive G.K.