Failure...

[3Xs_U_R_Out]

This is all I can bring to call myself all day everyday.  Why is my family not enough? Why does my brain have to be wired like this??? Why is this so hard? Why...... Why.... ???

[jrod311]

Slow your taper what got me was I commited to a steady taper. When you tapper too fast yoir doomed to fail. Its ok to hold at a dose fot some time befor making another push.. I have felt like you toomm it will pass.. tapering dose is not the only strategy. . Putting more time between doses counts too..

[rowdyRed]

Im feeling this too. Gotta keep our heads up. I know itll take a while but, we will make it out alive. Trying to gain strength through all these guys...they're my only support most days. And they have kept me focused on getting better & staying that way. I probably need to hear this, maybe u do too. Praying for u

[3Xs_U_R_Out]

Funny how in this room of family and loved ones, I'm coming here for advice and help. I love my family to the depths of my heart. But right now I'm loving you guys too. Thanks for taking time out of your holiday and your family to tend to me.
I have felt very worthless lately. It's such a struggle. Ya know? This whole thing is just so defining. I mean how do you repair your brain? How do I rewire my thinking? I want to be the best me and I truly want to put the effort in to do, but this whole thing makes it so easy to get derailed. Your thoughts wander and poor decisions are made so quickly. I want to be able to make good decisions and cope and grow. I want so badly to be....better...

[Sonrissa]

I'm so glad to hear from you, and that you are not going to give up! You can be honest here! No judgement. You will get lots of advice, and some of that advice may not work for you, but it's all good advice. I'm my opinion, the key is to make a plan. Whatever that plan is, that will work for you. Then, stick to that plan, no matter what. Stay the course. Don't let stress, or your kiddo, or husband, or work, or anything derail you! I said you can do this, and you can! As the old saying goes: Just do it! Enjoy your Thanksgiving, and keep us posted. Take care!

[3Xs_U_R_Out]

He has control of the pills provided for taper by doctor. But I got more outside of my agreement with my husband and my doctor. So here I am.
I'm going to start back on taper where I should be on Monday which means I will go from using whatever I use this weekend to be "normal" down to 2 pills a day on Monday and follow the dr designed taper from there and then jump off where i'm supposed to. so it will be fast. But I will have to either fess up to my husband come Monday or just get rid of my pills cuz I won't have the strength to not use them when I have them. I'm not going crazy for this holiday either. I'm still trying to space them out and just be "normal" not high. But Monday will still suck cuz at 2 pills a day I'm far from normal. So anyways. That's my plan. I've told you all so hopefully I can feel accountable to somebody. It's hard to even be honest with y'all. But I feel if I can be honest with anyone...it's y'all. So...

[jethro733]

If you're off work for five days I'd cold turkey it then.  I'm not sure what you mean by "a fast taper to get back on track", I don't think those exist if I'm understanding correctly.

There's excellent advice given in above posts.  And don't beat yourself up over this.  Life happens and we learn stuff.  Don't be afraid to tell your husband.  I'm not sure but has he been holding your pills or have you had some control of that side?  It sounds like you've had access?  Tell him the plan here, and make sure you flush them together.  I'd suggest you be honest, because being honest is best in the long run when it comes to relationships.