Feed your soul and not your demon DAY 3 of stopping pills

[dixieboi23]

Today is now day 3, I ask myself how I feel thru out the day and honestly like hell. I put the pain of my misery in the back of my mind and push the hope for the end result to the top of my thoughts. I had a fairly good nite last nite after I went to sleep. Keeping in mind that yesterday I only had a half of a 30mg Roxie. Today when I got out of bed at about 9:30 this morning the thought of eating a pill was there. I stopped dead in my thoughts and went to the computer to read the comments of my post from yesterday and it pulled me thru the pain. Its somehow like I am in some sort of sporting event with a home crowd team cheering me on to win. By the time lunch rolled around my legs were hurting and my head was pounding and my stomach was so upset that I did eat a pill. Wait a min let me refraise that I cut a half of a pill in half which would mean it was a 7.5. it was enough to stop the pain and even tho the visitors my have tackled me there is a lot of time left on the clock for me. Did I relapse, NO I didn't. I said to myself this is a demon that is going to take a little time to get out of my life. I mean any other day in my life I would have ate lord knows how many Hydros and at least one 30mg Roxy by now. I feel that every time I open my computer and come strait to this site there are so many people on here going thru the pain and the aknowledgment of their choices they made in the past. Why the sayin says there is nothing you can do about your past than to move on which is so true about anything in life. This is no different from any thing, I see it as no more or a less evil than the things that I have over come before. Its almost 7pm and the only thing I can keep out of my mind is the great people on this site who are just looking for the end of the pain and suffering from the addictions that we all have. I dont want to say that I will never relapse because I cant forget the future but just like the game of football even tho the other team forced a turn over it doesn't always predict the outcome of the game. As far as I am concerned my game is just starting. You can think of this as an up hill battle or you can think of this as a life choice that you know deep down inside in your heart is something that needs to happen. I know I want to be the one in control of my life and my money and not the demon that wishes for me to feed him inside. 3 days ago I choose to feed my soul and starve my demon until he has no choice but to faulter to the pain that I once felt and then I will be the one in control and feel no sorrow for him for causing my addiction. I am very optomistic about the outcome of this and lets face it you haft to be. Think positive guys, I know it hurts and sometimes it may feel like they are winning but take control and think of the positive things that have happened instead of the bad. I mean look at me today I saved some money lol and I also had a clear head to think about my life and how I am going to over come this and take control. Sometimes I feel that once I start writing on here I dont want to stop because there are so many things that I want to say, so many things that I feel so I know my posts are long but to me its my freedom its like every word I write I get a little bit of the demon out of me. So like I said choose to feed your soul instead of your demon and take control be positive and dont ever be afraid to ask for help. It doesn't make you weak it makes you strong for wanting to increase your knowledge of how to over come one of the hardest things in my opinion there is to do.
Thanks for reading every one feel free to express any kinds of input on how I see things
Day 3 and kicking
Mark

[dixieboi23]

Its def worth it to me to know there is a better way of living instead of living to be addicted. Thank you for the kind words and I know its hard but that just means the pay off is going to be GREAT when its said and done. And no your not a bad person by any means AT ALL. Every one chooses to do things and every one has the ability to change the outcome. Like I said think positive like the little engine that could lol. You think you can needs to be I know I can.....

[Brbegrl68]

I agree with you about the writing, it helps so much. Today is my day 8 off of Lortab. It is slowly getting better. I just found this site today and appreciate all the kinds words others have shared with me. So nice to know I am not alone and am not a bad person. Keep up the great work!

[helpmeplease62]

I have not taken a roxi in 3 days either.  its a b****. but is so woth it. I am with you all the way!