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3038444 tn?1345694749

Feeling really guilty

I am 5 days off of opiates after a lengthy taper but tonight I decided to have a few drinks and now I am beating myself up over it and the feelings I am having are definitely jeopardizing my overall sobriety. Is this considered a slip up or am I just making this decision out to be a bigger issue than it needs to be?  I know that alcohol is legal and all but it still is in my arsenal of abused substances.  I can say that tonight I made a huge step in that I limited myself to only a certain number of drinks but it still doesn't feel right and I am doubting if I can ever be a sober member of society.  I feel like I'm an addict, simple as that and regardless of how much time I am clean there will be something or someone that will jeopardize this, and I am scared. I just feel like its a matter of time before I am using again.  I want nothing more than to not be an addict, believe me, its just I don't know what life is like without being under the influence.
10 Responses
2107676 tn?1388973859
If you know that drinking is going to lead to opiate use then don't drink.  I have had a few glasses of wine while off pills and found that I wanted pills for the hangover part, not for the drinking part.  I don't know if I will be able to drink yet or if it will trigger me.  I guess I will find out eventually but I will make sure when I drink I am at a place where it is impossible to get them.  
I always enjoyed a few glasses of wine with my husband and haven't really drank since he passed away but I did find out how pills could make me forget all about my grief.  I don't think alcohol could do it.  It just made me cry.
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Some can drink and some cant.  I am one of those who cant.  I dont have an off button.  I think with all the feelings you are feeling tonight you have your answer.  I would just stay away from all mood altering substances.  You dont want to put your clean time in jeopardy.  Alcohol can bring out the beast in us.  Take some deep breaths.  This was a hard lesson for you but you came here and talked about it.  That is a good thing~~sara
2030769 tn?1343647674
of course u can be a sober member of society!  I didn't think i could either.  In the beginning I was still looking for SOMETHING to alter my mind.  I even took sleeping pills and forced myself to stay awake just to catch some type of buzz.  Finally I realized what i was doing and knew if i didn't deal with what was driving me to want to be messed up, i was going to relapse back onto the opiates. I found there were some issues, but most of it was just out of habit. You are still early in your quit, and with time & making new choices that support your new lifestyle, you will start gaining the confidence that u can live life sober and actually enjoy it.  I think life is harder being an active drug addict then being sober.  Hang in there and congratulations on  your clean time!
1416133 tn?1351123217
Guilt.  Such a tricky emotion - probably good in some ways because it means we have a moral compass and can recognize when we've done something wrong - but bad because it can make you feel defeated and want to give up.  And like I told you girl, giving up is NOT an option.

Learn from the experience and move on.  :)
Avatar universal
Just a thought from an alcoholic in recovery. 4+ years. If you have to count your drinks or pills or weed or twinkies, then their is more to it than a drink or Twinkie. People without substance abuse issues don't do that. Someone told me early in recovery "it's not what you drink, how much you drink or for how long. It's what you do when you drink.". You can substitute any word for drink but if you have to limit your drinks or pills or you do something you regret while using, it maybe time to rethink things. For me and norco, it is a battle of pain relief vs depression. Why would I take something that makes me depressed? For alcohol, it was the blackouts. I could drink 5 beers of 15 and I may or may not black out. Why take that chance? Because I'm an addict. The good news is that we can also make the choice not to use and be in control of our lives. Since I quit drinking, I remember EVERYTHING I have done. 27 days ago I quit norco. I'm in pain but I'm not depressed. I even quit wellbutrin I was taking for depression. The fact is that hope lives if you want it to. Sorry about the rant. Good luck and stay clean.
Avatar universal
Some people can drink and some can not. I dont really care for alcohol anyways so I was not too concerned about it but I do feel that for me and my sobriety not drinking would be the best course for me. The chemicals in my brain are so screwed up from the pills that I want to give my brain a chance to heal. Its been over 6 months for me but I am still recovering as I realized the other day. I dont want to start drinking and jeopardize my sobriety.You mentioned that it was still in your arsenal of abused substances so be careful. Dual addiction is common. ~Bkitty
2730764 tn?1340148833
for me,im an addict,all i have done all my life is went from coke,crack,meth,drinking to vicodins,now im trying to detox from a 15yr abuse,i have gone threw the aa program,i have to realy watch what i do from this point on,all i can say is dnt beat your self up over this,its good that you reconized it,now your aware,my prayers r with you...joe
2122807 tn?1560619706
Some can, some can't, but if you are one of the ones who can don't beat yourself up. I had a few shots of vodka during my taper, and it helped with anxiety. Like you said, you limited, so did I.
I guess you are the only one that knows the answer to your question, but if you had problems with alcohol in the past, then maybe you are headed towards swapping addictioins. It's only for you to answer, is my opinion.

Good luck and "God" Bless,
Lily
1970885 tn?1435860428
I will be "sober" - a non-drinker - for 30 years in July, however, 15 years in I replaced pills for booze. You have to be careful; although some on here have used ooze to help with detox, I have to echo Sara's warning...drinking will break down the wall and leave you exposed to all kinds of temptation.  It can be very dangerous.
3060903 tn?1398565123
I hate calling you garbage, while trying to get off of hard drugs i drank alcohol and became a very bad alcoholic, then i found out i had HepC and quit the drinking; i don't  miss drinking or hard drugs or addictive prescription drugs one bit; i found out that i was self medicating from some problems that had come my way growing up; and some more problems when my mom wouldn't be part of my treatment program... that put me on my *** for a long time; but, if you persevere you will have a normal life. i've been clean and sober since 2000, slipped up one in 2004 but i chose not to count it. somebody said here first, that you did the right thing coming here when you drank and felt like crap, that's number 1; do you know why you're an addict? I don't call myself that too much anymore because most people don't understand (ie. don't ever tell your new boss, even if you're proud for kicking it). But I am, and i'm happy as hell not using. Liz
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