Few slip ups

[TramadolTrap]

So I'm on my way to Vegas. My fiancé is taking me. Before I left I ended up having a few slip ups. Well it ended up being for three days 3 pills pee day. I'm back to day 1. What am I looking for as for as setbacks? I've gone to 4 NA meetings so far.

[murphy667]

yes you will, lady, yes you will. you sound great, and it is much deserved. you have a good BF, seems to me. give him a fist bump from me, for just being cool. enjoy vegas, anticipate with relish the new you. XOXO

[TramadolTrap]

I am having a horrible time with foot pain. My fiancé is rubbing them as I type this. Vegas is sooooooo fun!mim hanging in there. Tomorrow is day three with nothing. I'm not scared. I'll take it as it comes. I'm going to make it this time. I'm getting a better place in plan. I know what i have to do and I'll do it.

[murphy667]

I replied earlier -- not sure what happened to it.... But just wanted to say, it is great to hear/see sentences like 'i'm actually ok now'. just keep being ok, ok?

keep posting, please. it helps me (and i am sure others) a lot. and thank you for the message invite -- i am sure it will be used in the next little bit. bless you.

[murphy667]

I am so very happy to see/read such a different tone in your writing. "I'm actually ok now"  What a great sentence. You just keep doing whatever is working. I am excited for you -- for Vegas, sure, but for the progress you have made and will continue to make. I will take you up on the message offer, I am sure, but for now, I am off to walk dogs and visit the store for some vitamins and ensure and gatorade. TT, you keep on going -- I'll be right behind you...

[TramadolTrap]

Vick please check your messages!!!

Murphy I am so sorry. I'm actually ok right now. I'm one hour twenty minutes from my hotel in Vegas!! Very excited and ready to be there. Hot baths help me so much. I take fruit gummy b12 for energy and EVERYTHING minus the Valium on the Thomas recipe. I take about 15 vitamins a day. They do help. Please private message me if you need advice. I've been through this a LOT unfortunately :(

[murphy667]

uhh, i am ok i suppose. set-back last nite (took two, couldn't cope) but regret the hell out of it. so i am bucking myself up again today, and i am going to go walk my dogs whether i want to or not (i don't). i am just wishing good stuff in your direction.

[VICourageous]

Hi Girl..
I did not hear back, but I know you are on vacation. Glad you do not drink..that would make it worse! Well, so he knows nothing about Addiction and the Brain? I bet he will on down the line. It is a BIG thing for DRs to know about these days. They are coming up with more and more info about Addiction in a more Scientific way. YOU can even google it and find some info for yourself. I have tons of info and continue to pick up more. Even the readings at them meetings hit this too. They do not go into so much as what does what, to what parts of the Brain, but they do know!! I heard some Old Timer at AA call it a Allergy.
Just try to have some fun and keep yourself occupied. I have some friends in LV that hit some of the AA and there are many..I am sure there are tons of NA too. Try them both. I have not drank in yrs & yrs & yrs but I sure do like my AA. Be Safe and do NOT get Addicted to Gambling..Just Kidding!
Hope you are feeling a bit better..TIME & PATIENCE!
Are you going to be there for New Years?? WOW! That would be fun!
Have a Clean & Sober New Years..Make a new Goal!
Bless

[TramadolTrap]

Tramadol. I've been battling coming off for months now. It's absolute heck. My fiancé is a current nurse practitioner but just got word he passed his board exams so is technically a medical doctor. He does NOT understand withdrawal and addiction at all. He is supportive but thinks it's something I just stop and never think of again.

[Ace1967]

Been reading your situation. If you don't mind me asking what are you exactly trying to come off of?

[TramadolTrap]

Murphy I'm ok today. Besides anxiety im doing ok. How are you? I know I'll make it. I really have to work the NA Program this time and I know that.

[murphy667]

how are you? don't know about you, but these posts and threads keep my mind at least a little occupied. i find myself thinking of you, wishing you the best.

[motye51]

****.....well that didn't work.....
N/A meeting finder......Google it....

[motye51]

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.na.org/meetingsearch/&ved=0ahUKEwjkztiDy4LKAhVL8mMKHSW5DoMQFggdMAA&usg=AFQjCNGJUPxBJ-RCjVpMRUSjQ7wHqjcKfg
There are meetings EVERYWHERE....

[TramadolTrap]

Thank you so much jif. Yes I must stay. It's my present from him for Christmas. Neither of us drink. He kinda brushes this off more or less. I don't think he understands how much more I need. That I can't just stop my brain or craving. He thinks it will be good getting away from my environment. And for me to be distracted. I dunno I'm just trying to survive. I don't feel horrible I just know I have a heck of a lot of work to do at meetings when I get home. Not sure about the meetings in Vegas.....

[jifmoc]

Tram. Do you HAVE to stay in Vegas? I  mean, is it absolutely vital? Being on "vacation" when you are w/ zero support, totally lost and trying to get clean is not exactly a recipe for success.

If you absolutely HAVE to stay there. Go to a meeting everyday while you are there. And speak up. Yes, one hour each day, you can do it. Instead of saying how much you hate yourself, make some changes.  Get into the solution. The solution is, search your bags for pills, flush w/ bf's help. Get to a daily meeting. Get a few ph #s, and you can talk to people while you are there. Something you may not understand is that STAYING clean is a complete life overhaul. You are probably starting to figure that out. You can't just try to not do drugs and expect to be clean and happy. You have to do the work.

[TramadolTrap]

Thank you Murphy. I literally have no way to get meds as I'm in the car on the way to Vegas. I have to get my mind thinking right. I'm TERRIFIED you guys to live life not on tramadol. I'm starting to hate myself. I NEED HELP

[murphy667]

hi.
you are going to be ok. i does not feel that way, i am sure. but you really are. it is true that YOu as you think of YOU will not be happy w/out the pills, but what emerges from the other side of WD is not YOU as you are now. you WILL be happy again, and it will be worth it.

i am saying this to you, and to me as well. i suffer from the same thinking, the same cycle. took my last vic yesterday morning. tired of being so so broke all the time, scrambling to get pills, being an *** to people i care about. this needs to be DONE, for you, for me, and lots of others.

i wish you luck. me, too.

[TramadolTrap]

Sarah, mark and Vicki I have private messaged you all. I need to talk to someone please

[TramadolTrap]

I just feel like I'll never win this battle. Starting to lose faith.i take full ownership. I almost get to feeling better then i remember where I left some and take them. I just want this over with. Crying as I type this

[VICourageous]

YOU are fine..WE just care and want you to get better off these. It is SO hard to learn to live in your skin again without running and altering the brain with something. However, dig deep and you will make it. Do not let the brain over power you into thinking you can not have a good life without these. YOU can. I have been using off & on for way over 40 yrs and thought nothing was wrong about this. Environment played a BIG role for me back in the later 60s-70s-80s and in the 90s was my first opiate. That opiate was the one drug I could NOT walk away from as I did many other drugs and booze. It is not easy and I am NOT going to lie to you..BUT it can be done and in the long run it is the best choice you will have ever made. WE just can not do it alone. I have to go out to AA/NA all week long and Church. I always talk about my Addiction to the Preacher who really helps me out in a more Spiritual aspect about it all. It take WORK and hard work to stay clean. After you get some yrs in, it all seems to go a bit easier. Ask Shara, she has over 8 yrs and still has to keep her Guard up and stay in tune with this Disease. It is a every day Job!!
I have NOT checked my PM yet. YOU just be Safe!!!

[TramadolTrap]

I am soooo tired of the ship. I want off. I hate myself

[TramadolTrap]

I messaged you girls both. I'm in Vegas until Sunday. It's like I'm scared I'll never be happy off them. I know I'm doing wrong I just feel lost. I'm sorry I'm such a broken record on this website. I make myself so mad.

[dominosarah]

IF you run across anymore you flush those evil things.  How long you in Vegas?

[VICourageous]

Tram Girl..I do not want to come across mean, as I do CARE..However, YOU are NOT listening to anything we say. You know from being on here that the detox is nothing compared to working on staying clean. You put just one pill in your mouth and off goes your addiction all over. Remember how I discussed that pleasure part of the brain? This is why one is to many and 1000000 is not enough. Anything we can get high off of. You need to set up some Boundaries and Surrender to your Lord. Just going to a few meetings is not going to save you right off the bat. It takes Changes, Behavior changes, life changes, so much more to this addiction then meets the eye. Go look up Addiction in a more Scientific way. Your BF should know a bit about the Brain and so fourth since he is studying to be a DR. It really helps me to understand more and scares the craaap out of me too. I do not need to do any more harm to my Brain or Organ parts that I have already did. Outside Support and any Support is a must!! You need to know what and why you keep going back to them. Change that with a new Behavior. Plz get rid of all of your pills you might have around. Take him with you and give them to him to flush. WE are here for YOU but only YOU can make them changes. Talk to me anytime..OK? It has been a bit slow around here due to the Holidays but we do check in & out. Be Safe!!
Happy New Year..see if the AA or NA is having a get together. Surround yourself with recovering Addicts right now or Clean friends & family!
I will be sending you a BIG Prayer!! Just stop this insanity..OK?