Fioracet W/ codiene/ fioranal w/o coediene & darvocet

[mommyshouldntbehere]

Okay. here goes.  new here! hi-ya. nobody knows of any of this, and I feel so all alone. I'm your typical at-home mom who loves my husband and children more than anything on earth. I love God eternally, but I also have a deep solo-secret...

I don't have a lot of time, but I'm going to dish quick, so I can get an answer by the time I return home.
I started darvocet while pregnant, because I get mirgraines so severly and couldn't take imitrex while preggo. that was 5 years ago. On and off, I've had that refilled, since it does help, and doesn't have the nasty imitrex side effects that I get.  I then got pregnant soon after (our kids are 22 mo. apart) - on the same thing...

Once children and breast-feeding were done, I went back on Imitrex, treximet, maxalt, relpax, etc, all of wich my body chem. has taken to worse now to them, than before, giving me such bad side effects I'd rather suffer with the headaches... at any rate - I was prescribed the fioracet. both with and w/o coediene, with asprin at times, sometimes not. I come up with stories to switch, I have been doctor hopping (some docs are becomming aware of this, now)  I am an "on and off addict", I believe. right now, my finances and marriage is rather in shambles, my kids and my pills are really the only thing making me happy. I feel I neeeeeed them both.  I know I need my kids, but I know I DO NOT need these pills. I'm taking (at the moment) about 6-8 (every four hrs) pills a day the fioracet w/codiene. I don't know how to get off, and I AM RUNNING OUT AND MY INS. WON'T REFILL YET - TOO SOON....(I've been upping from my usual 4-6 to 6-8 to get through some rough days OR to really get rid of the headache, OR to prevent... however, my concern is...
I don't want to withdrawl.... I know it can be dangerous and my brothers best friend died from drug issues... at any rate.. I have both fioranal (without) codiend, with ASPRIN, not tylenol... as well as Darvocet in my "care" right now... can I keep taking them as a substitute right now?  I want off, but I don't know how to correctly "wean"  My next script will be my last, as it's my last refill, for 40 pills (of the fioracet w/codiene) - as soon as I can get it... but it's the last doc that doesn't "know" and there's no way around being DONE at this point.  
How can I quit?  Advice?
I canNOT tell my husband at this point, since our marriage is already rocky...really rocky.
I can't lean on my friends for fear of judgement and my parents, they have had to already deal with two extreme drug addictions with my brothers - I can't break their hearts too. What do I do? Help!!!!  
I should also mention that I have anxiety and ocd (fear of dying, mostly, fearing me to do many things and fear of cancer) - so I am supossed to be taking Prozac, 40 mg. daily, but I'm too afraid to mix it with anything else I take (pain-med-wise) that I haven't taken them much.... Husband is noticing my mood changes (probably from the pain meds)  -- I also have kolonapin (can I take that as a detox method?)  I need help and nowhere to go!

I stay at home, like I said and I'm very lonely, and don't have many friends. I'm a really hands-on mom who loves to be with and do things with my kids. we really do bake and do art, daily... but these pills have taken over, I need to watch the clock for my 4-hr mark, and I hate it!!!

Oops- this wasn't sort after all... thank you in advance,
Mom who should have never gotten to this point...
:( :( :( I'm really disapointed in myself. What started off as an "innocent" pill to help my horrid headaches (that I've had since I was 11) -- turned into a physical addiction and emotional crutch. :(

[Emily_MHManager]

Hi everyone -

This thread is now closed.

Have a great day!

Emily

***************************** CLOSED THREAD ************************************
                             NO MORE POSTS, PLEASE

[vicki595]

Matt:  No she didn't, the last screaming PM I got was very sad...

I didn't like revisiting this one at all...Man!!

Did you post to Jan from Canada yesterday; or read it..?

[vicki595]

She's gone. The post is over a year old... just thought I'd let you know... This happens quite often as folks scroll through the threads and then post on them, the old thread comes to the top with the new threads.

[vicki595]

Well, this nightmare wasn't exactly fun to revisit!!

JPHannah76:  This thread is a year old...and the original poster is gone.

[laurel453]

oh i don't see your life as negative at all...it is only that you keep seeing  the negative aspects about your life, about this forum ... about whatever... and sure, i know we are no poison at all and you haven't had either 1,000 different opinions about your life.

until we are ready to stop we keep finding excuses to use again and again ..... and we all do much better if we ask for some aftercare to address our addictive problems... you are in a sort of denial and prefer to see these advices as an attack to you, they are not .

[laurel453]

then NA meetings.... we all need help and you need it as much as the rest of us, we need addressing our addictive behaviours.

[laurel453]

you speak of  going for a doctor's help as if it were something not good and i think you were the one judging Vicki not she ...Besides it is not as much as the quantity as we are all addicts...we really need help with our behaviour... if we keep finding excuses to use then it is the time to find some help, this is what viki tried to tell you... Maybe you are feeling so down that you are taking her words the wrong way but you don't have to leave the forum because of this... we are our worst enemies, we are impulsive and controlled by our inmediate emotions... don't let a moment ruin your work fighting addiction, please :)

[dominosarah]

Come back and talk to us.......sara

[loveJwhite]

This didn't go so well. That's too bad. I will keep you in my thoughts...as far as I can tell, no one was judging you, only tring to help you...good luck dear.

[vicki595]

Do not lecture me!!!   Do not tell me what I should know!!!   I've been very sensitive to you and your feelings.  I've given you my time and some excellent advice!!  You can't follow it.  You need a lot of help. My understanding is not going to help you. You need therapy and probably in-patient treatment.  And you need to get it pretty quickly...

There's nothing more I can do for you at this point.

[mommyshouldntbehere]

I know you were there - that's why I said it - I wasn't trying to be rude - just that you should know how I am feeling...

[mommyshouldntbehere]

thank you.

[vicki595]

Yes,you're right. I WAS there. Thank you for that. That's why I'm not there now. That's why I'm saying what I'm saying. You need to stop. And you will stop. I want it to be your idea,not just because you ate them all and now they're gone. It needs to be YOUR IDEA!     You'll take those 20 pills and then you're done. What then? Then you will be desperate. I'm trying to offer you some control.

I don't know what else to say to you. I've said everything I can possibly say.  I DO wish you well and hope you find you're way...

[mommyshouldntbehere]

I know I need help and support - but it's just not feesable... this is all I've got. Honestly. I risk losing everything if anyone gets wind of this.

I don't believe i would get a seizure after only a week of doing firoacet...really?

I know your doing whats in my best interest, but you were there... you know what it's like. it feels like your chucking your best friend, your crutch, your money, your help, your friend when your bored, everything, in the garbage.... if you just 'throw them away.'

[vicki595]

You need to stop. This won't help the problems. You need some support,counseling,NA.

If you plow through the 20,I don't know if that will change things. By then,you may need to wean so you don't have a seizure.  This is just not something you can mess with. Do you see that?   Find your rational mind and throw out those 20 pills and get your life back.  You know,everything looks a lot better when we're not stupified on Fioricet. It's just not a good fix.

I feel badly for you but you need to find some strength here...

[mommyshouldntbehere]

I guess also add into rejection, rejection, rejection in finding a part time job, my son going to school too (adding to the empty nest - now it's just ME) -- me having to now earn monies, change my issues per our relationship reconcialiation... plus be all the things that I feel he (and his parents) want me to be. (yes, his parents... they hold big weight at this point... a big threat, if you will)

[mommyshouldntbehere]

Emotional pain. plus,the physical pain of the headaches with my sinuses and crying (because of the emotional stuff) causing the physical pain - thus wanitng to take more.

yes. I'm on the 30...

I have
about 20 left.

[vicki595]

Hi~  I'm a little confused...Are you out? You have 30 now?  You want to stop? You don't want to feel this pain?

You're all over the place here.  Do this: Don't take anymore!!  It's only been a week so just stop! Throw out what you have. Get a grip!!!

Post back to me...

[mommyshouldntbehere]

okay - there are NO MORE. this time, for real - because the OTHER docs are onto me, and the other one, there are no refills for - so unless I go and find another doc (which won't happen, cuz my husband will find out) I can't get any more...


my question is...

I had fioracet - 12 tabs - no codiene -  gone
then w/codiene 20 tabs - gone
one day in there (yesterday) only had 3 (non-cod) that were fioranal
have rest of 30 CAPSULES left.
Do I need to wean, or can I just take them? I don't have willpower to wean. I have to face it - if they are here - I will take them... I'm more productive and **** here at home isn't good. I need to "feel good" right now.. until things get emotionally better so I don't have to "feel" this pain. all of this pain.  


At any rate- if I've only been on the Fioracet/Fioranal for about a week - do I need to wean? that's my ?

[mommyshouldntbehere]

Thank you all for your support and kind words. I now am "sober." as the pills have worn off for the day and I can think "clearly." I DO want to be clean - and my 5 days of "fun" aka "fioracet daze/high" are done with. It's back to school with the kids and back to reality with me.  I have to face the deamons in my marriage and my personal financial situations. It's time for ME to be happy, whatever that is... and that's not including drugs.

I just needed to tell someone.... ANYONE that I did what I did. That I used again. I felt so ashamed. so horrible. so useless and no good. I'm glad to hear that others have been there too.

Each day is a new one, and every day is a step to recovery, I know this. And, I will strive to reach it. My kids mean everything to me. My husband does to. Through counsling we WILL work this out. He wants to, he just needs to break away from the 50s style way that he saw his family brought up and how his dad could come and go (and have affairs) as he pleased and his mother never muttered a word.... and that is NOT okay with me.  

I AM truly lonely. an affair isn't the answer, I know. I haven't done anything, I don't plan on it, I'm being careful and keeping distance from this temptatious man... so nothing happens.

[janet19]

I was in the same boat with you although my drug use was a little heavier than that. I was terrified my husband would find out. He noticed the mood changes and so on. I just finally one day told him what was going on. Shock the **** out of me, but he took it well. He is now my biggest supporter and I am trying to get off. I am going to doc tomorrow and hoping to start the suboxone treatment. I have nothing to lose at this point.

With draws are horrible even if you took the med as prescribed it would be the same withdraw. Taper off is best. Figure up how many it takes tapering to on pill or even a half a pill. I went cold turkey and it is not easy and now I am using again.

I had a friend that got caught dr hoping and she had to start drug court and a bunch of ****. I do know they can catch you thats why you show your driver L.

I wish you luck and I hope everything works out for you, There are alot of people right her to listen and not judge you. I am new and it took 3 days and I think I am a pro now. I have never found a site with this much info or anyone so willing to listen.

[vicki595]

You're taking the pills again because it's your escape. It's addictive behavior and it's bad.
You're taking them because you don't like your life. But,you made this decision,as many of us have,to be married and have children. That's your life right now. It's NOT easy. Ask anyone.  Talk with your therapist about this.  Some things just need to be accepted...The "no money" issue is NOT right. You need to tell your husband that...
But,the pills aren't going to help anything. They will make everything worse!!
Stop the pills and have a talk with your husband. I don't recommend having an affair!!

[mommyshouldntbehere]

I'm a big ******* failure. I went back to using. again. I am currently on (only for the time being, two scripts- one for 12 (gone) and one for 20 (15 left) - then done) of Fioracet.  I have been taking the midrin with sudafed and clonazapam to put me 'out of my mind' so to speak, because it's been SO bad here. My husband and I, though reconciling, for the first month, it was GREAT - honeymoon, if you will. I did everything that was asked, everything was perfect. we never argued, disagreed, fought, life was grand. Then, he scheduled a work (fun) trip the same time as his duck hunting trip (same week) - so SEVEN days away from me and our two kids- under 5.... mind you he works 14 hour days - 6 days a week....  He doesn't see a "problem" with him leaving like this. Though he leaves like this all the time for EVERYTHING. this is his THIRD union trip this year.... now we're rolling into duck season, then bow, then deer, then ice fishing, etc - all of which he leaves town for an average of at least 5 days for, leaving me with the kids - no money to do things or go anywhere (or out to leave them with  a sitter - no fam. around) and he can go and tap the checking accnt? doesn't seem fair or right. while I'm on ebay/craigslist selling **** to get money for pills and groceries.  pills to keep me sane or I'll lose it... really. though I KNOW I don't NEED them..... I'm really lost right now.
We see a therapist. I see a therapist. I am on anti-depressants.... but nothing seems to help. Plus the kids are starting school for the first time ever.... major changes... I have a guy friend I am walking a fine line of having an affair with b/c I'm so lonely (just companionship) - and our son is having walking issues -still not sure what the deal is with that - but of course my husband doesn't "see" anything wrong with him and it's "all in my head" -- really, he wakes up and can't walk, and is walking crooked. He's been to the doc twice, sounds like a pulled groin, but still shouldn't be limping after 5 days....  don't know what to do there...

I'm just ****** up in the mind I guess. My kids are my everything and it's killing me that their dad is being such a **** that I have to literatelly BEG him to stay at home with us and give up vacations and fun trips of his to spend quality time with us. what the ****, really?

[mommyshouldntbehere]

tiggz--- I think you may have missed the big "middle" of the sandwich... I got the help and got clean, and my marriage is back on track. :) Through support here, the docs, my husband, and me, I am doing it. I slipped, but I'm back up and doing it. :)