I am on day 1. You really should get some time off. Thank god i work out of my house There is no way i could be out in public. My son & his gf are coming for an unexpected visit. Almost canceled but he is my kid. I just couldn't do it. Hang in there.
I had to work the entire time I was going through w/d. I had no choice..it did seem to be better to have something I had to do rather than sit at home and be allowed to really FEEL what i felt...if that makes any sense. Try to keep your life as normal as possible and keep reading here, post often..it really helped me.
the w/ds must not be that bad for you, bc even when i tapered mine were soo bad i would never go back. what you dont know, is that even though you think everything is over after a month or so, you still cant take pills. you will just start right back like if you were taking 15 a day or something. picture running a marathon, you get all the way to the last mile, and than you have to start back at the beginning. even with one pill.
it seemed like you were over the pills, but in reality you were still in mental w/ds... so try and make it past a few months and things will really get better.
personally im on day 9 clean, and i already feel better, but mentally its like day one. it takes time. i dont have cravings, but your brain will tell you "oh, ill just have one, no big deal" but after that you get a taste of what you used to get from pills which is bad.
this is why they put down pitbulls after or if they kill a baby or hurt someone really bad. they do this not bc its punishment, they do it bc they got " a taste for blood" and they will continue to hurt ppl after. its a huge risk.
i hope that analogy made sense, it did in my head haha..
if you can make it past a month, and stay clean, life is wayy better on that side. you will feel human, and like you can do anything, energy comes back etc. ppl dont need pills, we want them. we started without them in the beginning of life, so why cant we do it now? for example, there was no fast food, back in the day, and ppl lived perfectly fine. so why do we need that crap now? we dont, but ppl eat it everyday bc its continent. well heres my advise. MAKE YOUR OWN CONVENIENCE, just like they say "make your own luck"..
Thank you both for your comments. If I can work I will..keep me busy and mabe help with the sleep. When I was at home the first time I slept all day or was lying down all day. Maybe that was one of the reasons I had trouble with sleep. I will post just to vent..i love reading what others say but even if no one replies just writing out my feelings really does help.
What you said absolutely made sense!! Thanks for all your advice. Day 9 you must be feeling much better.
One more thing... do not use other drugs to counter-act the w/ds... if you want to never do pills again, and start your life over, you must drop everything. This will also make things harder, thus making you never want to do drugs ever again. dont let the Dr's, or drug dealers mask everything with valium, or sleeping crap. just be a man/woman suck it up and get your life back. there is no such thing as easy when it comes to drugs, so thats my advise.
ya, im feelings ok.. I had it really bad last week.. on the very first day that i started cold turkey, my GF of over a year left me and she was "the one" granted im young (23) but still, when you know, you know. so thats been the hardest part of all this. i still feel sick just thinking about her, thats all i do, all day is think about her. i have so much guilt, sadness, and regret its not even funny. maybe this is why i have zero motivation to ever go back to that life. i will simple never find love again if i cant love or take care of my own self. pills drove us apart. had no emotions anymore, no passion. i was just a body with a head, no person inside. even though i loved her soooo much, i couldnt show her, just didnt come out. it *****.....
im sure things will get better, but like i said, its a mental game now, and learning to live your life without pills.. time is mine, and most ppls enemy. stay busy
You have made a great decision to get back on the horse. You can do this one day at a time. You were probably getting close to having your natural pharmacy in your brain online when you relapsed. It would have brought your natural sleep back eventually.
I hate to tell you this but it is my true experience. When I got sober from 2001 - 2007 it took 6 months for me to actually get a full nights sleep. Insomnia *****. I am on day 20 and I get about 4 hours of sleep a night now. It's a heck of alot better than the alternative!! I get up and do something constructive ASAP. The gym, read my Bible, go to starbucks, walk, pray, work on the house. I just dont sit there and let my mind tell me how bad it is. That is the road back to using.
I posted this earlier,,,I hope it will help you.
For all you fellow sufferers out there that are struggeling with detox & depression. I just wanted to throw a suggestion your way. Our homes are places we used to use and the memories of just being able to get high and relax are there to haunt us so get out and do something.!!! Kick start your favorite hobby, hit a movie, the gym, take a bike ride or take a walk in the park. During the walk take a moment to thank God that you are clean for this one day.
Remember that w/d's are ONLY TEMPORARY!!!
Recovery is not just staying clean it's about a complete displacement and rearrangement of attitudes, emotions and feelings. If I can't change my attitude from negative to grateful I will never recover. Try your best to be grateful for something. Here is a suggestion. Take a piece of paper and write down all the things you are grateful for then take a moment and personally thank God for each one of them one at a time. Do not thank him for all the things at once, do it one at a time and He may give you a present after you seek Him.
Hey! I am so glad you're back in our click! We missed you. Hang on and know that the physical will end soon enough. The sleep thing *****! Im on 25 today, but like Fish said, I no longer ley in bed. If i wake up, i get up. Keep posting. xxoo
Day two...Couldn't sleep last night so I guess it's started. I won't take anything else..when you go through the w/d it really does make you want to never go through this again
mm175-you will start to feel better as well, time heals all wounds. We all have lost love in our lives and we all move on.
Stay stong as your words are encouraging to others
I understand your pain. My wife left me & filed for divorce on our 5th anniversary when I told her I was taking pills again. I also suffered through detox just recently and have come out on the otherside. Praise God I am so blessed!!
I hope the best for you and encourage you to push forward, Don't look back at regret & remorse right now. Doing so could lead you back down the path of relapse.
When I was living in regret/remorse about my wife leaving a year ago it was terrible. It lead to more and more dope to dull the pain of my failed marriage. I was using to mask my emotional pain. Staying in regret and remorse is dangerous. Talk it out with us or a friend and then make it a point to give your girl over to God for Him take care of her.
I am sure you have heard the saying " if you love someone let them free, if they return it is true love" The best ammends you could give her is a living amends of getting clean. One day she might check in on you and if you are clean and happy who knows what will happen. It's up to you my friend, are you going to live in the present or the past life of regret/remorse. It all starts with you making a decision.
All things happen for a purpose & a reason.
Take care & God bless,
Sorry,,, I meant that last post to go to mm1775