Folded Night 11

[treedr]

I've been trying to research the RLS phenomenon. Mine had been real bad Day 3 that reduced to a low leve annoyance. Last night it came screaming back feeling like electric shocks all over my body. So around 11:00pm, after about a dozen hot baths, I folded and took half of a pill. Still didn't sleep real well but the RLS stopped. I woke with a calm body and mind.

I'll keep it at a half pill for a couple days then try to halve that, then off again.

I know that it's badly screwed up brain and body chemistry and it will take time. At least a half a norco is better than 10-15 each day.

[gnarly_1]

Hi  well im always sad to here this  you need to get out of the mind set that taking a pill will help even if it gets rid of the symptoms there is no softer ezer way to do this just know it can be done...I would not recamed that you keep using when you stop the symptoms are going to come back.. keep in mind it will let up...time to start going to meetings it will change that way you think about this  without a progam of recovery I would be sunk.. keep pushing forward pick yourself up dust your self off and stick with it  the relapse is more of a ''mind screw'' then anything I always felt defeated shame and my disease told me I could not do it but I have over 5ys clean but im at 4 N/A meeting a week to do it  it is a cheep price to pay to remain clean and it takes a lot less work then getting high every day  just know if you let this back into your life it can get out of control quickly  and always remember this ''1 is to many and 1000 never enough''........................Gnarly

[weaver71]

When I quit high dose methadone, I was sick a looooong time, over a year. Trust me, I didn't crave opiates, just wanted the sick to go away. I had a lot of methadone and subs, during my first 3 months of detox. Honestly, I am surprised I made it with access so long. I got rid of them, then at 120 days, I was glad I had cut all my sources, I would have used them then. My RLS was in my whole body for months. My arms coiled like pythons and my legs kicked like a jackrabbit held by his ears. The bottom of my feet felt like I walked 10 miles across hot asphalt. I didn't sleep more than an hour a night  for 20 days, mostly no sleep at all. So, I too wanted to take something, but my last respiratory arrest showed me I couldn't keep taking opiates, no matter how I felt. Anyway, I like what gnarly said a lot. I went to daily meetings, found a therapist and doctor, and went to anything about recovery I could. I took college classes on addiction, met with groups, I mean I tried it all. When I felt like you did, right before you took that half, I went to find one of my new sober friends to talk with and let some time pass. The pills only create the illusion of helping, they trick the brain into not sending signals of pain, restlessness, etc...The cause is still there, the fact your tolerance got high enough that your brain is no longer making natural pain killers or relaxing chemicals. The only way that comes back is to stop taking mood altering chemicals. Sorry to say it, but that is truth. I hope you find other ways to cope with this, the coping skills in detox help through the rest of our lives. If you can cope with this, then you will be able to cope with whatever makes you want to use in the future. You will be able to do anything.

[scaredmamaneedshelp]

Please don't let that pill win. Im only on day 4 clean, but when I quit I made sure I had no pills, and no way of getting pills. I did talk to my doctor about quitting veggie I did and she gave me a job addictive anti anxiety, it is called hydroxyzine. I'm still experiencing major withdrawals but my RLS is better than when I dozed with nothing and I get a couple hours of sleep too. Maybe you can talk to your doctor and all if that might be right for you. The pain pills are horrible. Please don't give in to them. If you do get an anti anxiety, make sure it is one that is non addictive. You can do this

[treedr]

Hey y'all. Everything that you said is 100% correct. I know that. And I knew it last night; but, it felt like someone was hitting me with a cattle prod every couple of seconds. I lasted until about 11 o'clock.

I feel fairly certain that this new 'event' is related to the long-term nature of my use. I'll try doing without tonight again. Part of the problem with meetings is that we live in the country-too far from any meeting in the local cities. It's an hour drive to get anywhere. I began contacting therapists with little success. How do these people make a living?

After I post this I'll look up local (as local as is possible) meetings. I know that attendance is supposed to be protected though does anyone know how that holds up in court?

Thanks y'all

[Merri123]

There is also meetings on the Internet. Many do SMART Recovery on the Internet as well.

[jifmoc]

Hey Tree, sorry to hear bout the relapse. Gnarly and Weaver are 2 of the opiate Buddahs on here: they know what they are talking about.

Tell me again, why do you have pills in your house? Sweetie, you will keep going back to day 1 and have to thru this all over again if you don't get rid of them.

Also, there are always many more AA meetings than NA for some reason. I go to AA even though alcohol was never an issue for me. Turns out, the substance is irrelevant; it's the fact that we're numbing to deal with life. Maybe you could check out AA, may be more of those closer to you. And what Merri said about online. There are options.

Keep posting, girl!!!

[slneedshelp]

Sorry you had to take that pill . I left you a note..but I do know how you felt same thing happened to me.don't take anymore you were doing good.we can do this.

[IBKleen]

My fear for you is if you keep a supply of pills around one will be two and two will be a thousand. Get rid of your "Just-In-Case" and get through the detox.

[treedr]

I'm the lucky person who always reacts differently to stuff. My surgeon is actually getting quite annoyed with my interesting and unique responses.

Having the pills here actually calms me. I don't obsess on them. What I obsess about is the particular experience that I'm having. Knowing there are pills that I can take if it gets too bad actually helps me endure. If I didn't have them my choice to quit becomes deprivation. Don't know if that makes any sense. I've never really been without them throughout. For me, this has to be about choice.

[gnarly_1]

Hi IBKleen is right if you have a stash your going to use it.. where addicts  I had to tell my doctor to not write any more scripts I would take them as prescribed fro a couple of days then it was game on and I abused them...how do you tell him   we I gave it to you word by word and it worked for me   he said I appreciate your honesty and remember you havent lost the war if you dont quit fighting.. to this day we still have a great relationship and he has helped my pain without mind altering substances ...please flush the stash we know how this goes a safety stash will not work..AT ALL.........Gnarly

[weaver71]

"The choice to quit becomes deprivation," "for me, this has to be about choice." Okay, well, you chose to quit, then you chose to take more. If it is all about choice, when do you think you will chose to stop taking them forever, isn't it simply a matter of choosing to do it? When you first came here, that was your choice, but the choices you decide on, keep changing. Do you really think this is all about choice? I finally quit when I realized I had lost the choice, I was going to take pills, whether I wanted to or not. I took pills an extra couple years, because I believed it was all about the choice. Either I am weak and lack moral conviction and made the choice to be self-destructive and go against my own commitment to myself, or I lost control of my ability to use or not. My dad says he can quit anytime, he has just has never chosen to quit. When addiction(or dependance), when drug affect becomes the controlling factor in deciding to use, is that really a choice, or just a response to the drugs?
Is it possible that you don't have as much of a choice as you think you do? Like I said, you chose to quit, asked us to help, but used anyway. You changed your mind about the commitment you made to yourself, so that sounds like a pretty narrow choice, if there was a choice at all. You can chose to keep the pills, chose to get rid of them, but you can't seem to chose to stop taking them, if they are right there to save the day. Try to be honest with yourself, are you really in control here?

[Cricketk92]

Good Morning!  You have gotten lots of good advice!!!  I can tell you that if I had ANY pills around I would take them!  It sounds like a rationalization on your part that it feels better to have them around.  When I was really READY I flushed mine cause I knew I would relapse if I didnt!  You will do what works for you until youre ready to stop!!!  We will all be here to help you through!!!!